


The Mind Games Modification

by Daedaleopsis



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 05:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 50,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21094157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daedaleopsis/pseuds/Daedaleopsis
Summary: Sheldon’s life is in chaos.  HIs girlfriend dumped him, his two closest friends just ran off to Vegas to elope, and the changes are just too much for him to handle.  This time, when he runs away, he’s determined not to come back.  Instead, he decides to start over with a new identity and a new life, pursuing his secret love of music.  But when Penny finds out Leonard cheated, the wedding’s off, and she discovers Leonard is not the one man she can't live without.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Big Bang Theory isn't mine (sigh), and I don't make any money off writing fanfiction. (Know anyone who does? LOL)
> 
> A/N: I always thought the band fanfictions were rather a strange fit with TBBT, and Sheldon in particular, until I started thinking about it and came up with a scenario I liked. Hope you enjoy my take on this trope. AU from season eight finale.

“It’s fine, really. It’s no big deal.” That’s what Penny told Leonard after finding out he’d kissed another woman and then kept it a secret from her for two years. She was trying very hard to make herself believe it, but the problem was, they were on their way to Vegas to elope. He wasn’t “clearing the air”; he was trying to sabotage their relationship while making himself look like the good guy. The fact that he’d chosen that particular time to confess was starting to make her see red. She knew she was a catch, and Leonard - well, she always thought he was pathetically grateful for her, but now she wasn’t so sure. She thought she could trust him: enough to say she loved him, enough to propose to him, and enough to marry him. This unwelcome news was like a bomb dropped in her lap.  
“Turn the car around,” she said abruptly.  
Leonard squinted at her from behind his thick glasses. “I’m sorry?”  
“Turn the car around! I can’t do this,” she snapped. “What’s wrong with you? How could you cheat on me? I thought you loved me!”  
“I do, I swear. That’s why I had to tell you about Mandy before we got married, so there wouldn’t be any secrets between us,” he whined.  
Oh, now it’s Mandy, is it? Penny thought. Now that the tramp’s name had been mentioned, she was even angrier at Leonard for speaking it aloud. Did she want him to lie about the fact that he kissed someone else? Of course not. She wanted him to be honest with her, and keeping something like this a secret for two years was not what she considered honest. Come to think of it, there were multiple times when Leonard had done something underhanded, just because he thought he could get away with it. He was still driving towards Vegas. Penny gripped the handle of the car door.  
“I mean it, Leonard,” she hissed. “This eloping was a stupid idea anyway, and now you’ve ruined it. Take me home.”  
With a noisy sigh, he pulled off to the side of the road. After twenty more minutes of arguing, he finally gave up and headed back to Pasadena. That was when he got the phone call. Penny didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he was sitting less than two feet away from her. It sounded like Sheldon was calling with some bad news, and she had an inkling what that news might be. A few days ago, Bernie had told her that after thinking it over for weeks, Amy had decided to dump Sheldon. Penny had hurt for him when she heard that. Sheldon had his flaws, but in his own oddball way, he was devoted to Amy. It was too bad she refused to give him credit for how much he’d changed since he met her. But Amy, like Leonard, having been deprived of love and affection most of her life, constantly demanded more from Sheldon than he was willing to give.  
_Crap_, Penny thought, _I really do have a lot in common with Sheldon. We’ve both been trying to hold our significant others at arm’s length without making them leave. We both just want things to stay the same in our relationships._  


* * *

The next morning, Penny snuck into apartment 4A, having spent the night alone at her own place. She was still mad at Leonard, but she needed to talk to Sheldon. To her shock, he wasn’t there. He was such a creature of habit that at first, she couldn’t comprehend why he wasn’t sitting in his spot, dressed in his flannel pajamas and robe and eating cold cereal like he did every Saturday morning. His bed was neatly made, but that wasn’t anything unusual. As she looked around his room, Penny spied a corner of something sticking out of the closet. Pulling the doors open, she discovered it was the edge of a shirt which had fallen to the floor. The rest of the closet had been cleaned out. His suitcases were also missing. She knew he must have decided to run away again after Amy had dumped him. Penny bit her lip as tears threatened to well up in her eyes. _It’s not fair_, she thought. _He deserves someone who loves him as he really is, not someone who wants to remake him into her idea of the perfect boyfriend._  
That thought hit a little too close to home. To please Leonard, she had tried to take college classes, gave up on her dreams of acting, and starting working an office job which bored her silly. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. Looking down at her left hand, Penny yanked off the modest diamond solitaire. She hurried out to the living room, where she grabbed a pen and piece of paper from Sheldon’s desk. “I’m sorry,” was all she wrote, in big block letters. Then she left the paper on the kitchen counter with the ring resting squarely on top.  
About an hour later, she heard Leonard start playing emo music full blast. She sighed. He must have found her note. She felt bad about hurting his feelings, but mostly, she was furious at both him and herself for believing his “nice guy” act.  
Penny spent most of the weekend alone, not wanting to have to explain her actions several times over to her friends. Raj especially was going to read her the riot act next time he saw her. He was such a hopeless romantic that he had pressured her to tell Leonard she loved him before she was ready. In retrospect, she wished she hadn't caved; it wasn't too long after that Leonard had cheated on her.  
The only person she really wanted to talk to was Sheldon. He wasn't around, but surely he would turn up eventually. His usual pattern when dealing with upsetting news was to “run away” until he got himself in some kind of mess that made his troubles at home seem less awful. But by Monday, he still wasn't back. Penny had sent several texts and emails and tried calling, but he wasn't responding to any of them. By Wednesday, she was truly worried. She got Bernie to persuade Howard to hack Sheldon’s phone, but even that told them very little. Sheldon had apparently turned off his phone. He hadn’t used his credit cards or made any new posts on Facebook. There wasn’t a clue as to where he had gone. Even his mother had no idea where he went, although she blistered Penny’s ear with a ten-minute rant about how terribly “that ungrateful hussy” Amy had treated her son. Penny kept worrying, imagining all the awful things that might have befallen him. Finally, she approached Amy and asked her to go with her to the police. Amy sneered at her and claimed Sheldon was just trying to get people to feel sorry for him. She’d been using a new dating app and was so flattered by all the attention she was getting that she had totally written Sheldon off. In the end, Penny went down to the police station by herself and filled out a missing person report. Unfortunately, since this wasn’t the first time he’d taken off without notice, the police officer didn’t seem too concerned. He told her to just “wait and see” if Sheldon would come back on his own. But this time was different; she could just feel it. After several more days spent wrestling with her conscience, she decided to hire a private investigator. To hell with Sheldon’s need for privacy: he’d been gone for far too long. Raj had been covering for him at work, but if he didn't turn up soon, he would lose his job.  
For six weeks, the investigator found nothing. Penny could hardly eat or sleep, she was so wracked with guilt. She cursed her stupid impulsiveness that led her to turn her back on her friend when he needed her the most. She also hated her friends’ seeming indifference to Sheldon’s absence. She wondered how she’d overlooked how callous and self-centered all their friends really were. They always looked down on Sheldon for speaking his mind, but at least he had some kind of integrity. Penny was starting to think that dumping Leonard was just the start of a long list of changes she needed to make in her life. She’d only spoken to him once since the break-up. When he found out that she came over just to find out if he knew anything about Sheldon, he’d been hurt. He turned that “kicked puppy dog” look on her, and for a moment, her resolve had wavered. Then he tried to hug her, and she realized his false sympathy was all just a ploy to get back into her good graces. She made a rude gesture at him and walked out.  


* * *

“He’s in Seattle.”  
“You found him?” Penny clutched her phone tightly in order to still her trembling fingers. This was the call she’d been waiting for from the private investigator.  
“Yeah. He wasn't an easy one to find - not too shabby for an amateur. He’s going by another name and living completely off the grid.”  
“Where is he? Is he all right? Give me an address,” Penny demanded, fumbling for a pen and something to write on.  
“Can’t. He moves around, doesn’t have an address. I can tell ya where he’ll be for the next three nights though. He's playing at the Pike Brewery.”  
There was such a long silence that the P.I. finally asked, “Ya still there, miss?”  
“What do you mean, he's playing?” she asked, finally finding her voice. “Is there some kind of video game tournament?”  
“Naw. You’re all worried about him while he’s out there livin’ his dreams. He’s playing keyboard with a local band. They're pretty good, from all accounts. Got a decent fanbase.”  
“A band? Sheldon would never do anything like that,” protested Penny numbly.  
“Mebbe Sheldon wouldn't, but I guess Cooper Smith would. That's what he's calling himself nowadays.”  
Penny couldn't begin to wrap her mind around the idea of Sheldon in a band, even though she had been impressed by his talent the one time she heard him play. As soon as she got off the phone, she started throwing things haphazardly into a travel bag. She’d just let her boss know she was taking a few days off and drive up. Maybe the solitary road trip would give her some distance from this whole awful situation with Leonard.  
Penny took the scenic route up the coastline, driving along miles of rocky cliffs and narrow beaches. She felt something start to uncoil inside her stomach and knew she had been carrying around a lot of tension. For now, she was grateful to get away from her tedious job, her lackluster friendships, and her boring life. She sighed. How long had she been hating the life she was leading? Thinking back, she realized her dissatisfaction must have started years ago, probably around the time she took Leonard back.  
She made it to Seattle on the second day, fighting through the tail end of the metropolitan rush hour. After checking into her hotel, she treated herself to a long, hot soak in the jacuzzi and room service. At that particular moment, Penny didn't much care if she ever went back home, although she knew at some point, real life would have to intrude.  
She arrived early at Pike Brewery, paid the cover charge, and found a fairly clean table where she could wait. She was beginning to understand why Sheldon tried to run away from his problems. If only that really could solve everything, she’d be tempted to try it herself.


	2. Chapter 2

Penny drummed her fingers on her table at the nightclub where the P.I. had told her the band Mind Games was playing, the one he claimed Sheldon had joined. She still couldn’t quite wrap her head around the idea of Sheldon in a band. It was absolutely crazy, even if he was a really talented musician. She fretted as she nursed her drink, trying to tune out the mediocre music of the band that was opening for Mind Games. Finally, a little after nine PM, someone introduced the next act. The announcement was greeted with cheers and wolf whistles: apparently, Mind Games had developed quite a local following. Penny leaned forward on her stool, anxiously searching the faces of the performers as they walked out on stage. She almost didn’t recognize him when she saw him. His hair was styled, and he was wearing skinny jeans and a black leather jacket over one of his superhero tees (which now looked like a deliberately ironic, hipster fashion statement). Ignoring the crowd, he focused his attention on getting his keyboard set up. Penny was the only person in the audience who knew that when he ran a disposable cloth over the keys, he was probably wiping it down with some sort of antibacterial solution.  
The band started into their first number, and Penny could barely have said what kind of music they played or what the other band members looked like. She couldn’t take her eyes off of Sheldon. He was totally absorbed in his playing. His long fingers danced over the keys as he swayed with the tempo, eyes half-closed as if to shut out everything but the music. It was kind of... hot, even though she would have never thought of applying that word to Sheldon before.  
Halfway through the second song, he glanced up. Scanning the crowd, his gaze swept past her and then darted back to her face. She could see the way he startled visibly, and a discordant note sounded as his fingers stumbled over the keys. He recovered quickly, but his mistake had caught the attention of the long-haired guitarist, who stepped back a few paces and said something in a quick aside to Sheldon. Sheldon shook his head and continued to play. The rest of his set was flawless but stiff; all the magic that had previously seemed to flow from his fingers had gone. He didn’t look up again throughout the rest of the set. As soon as the final notes of the last song faded, he ducked behind the curtain and disappeared backstage.  
_Crap, now what?_ Penny thought. She had no idea how she could get backstage or how to find him if he had left. It was so like Sheldon to ignore her. She wondered how she had made the mistake of thinking he would be happy to see her. He had not only run away from his old life, but he had successfully started over. Her presence was just bringing up a painful past that he probably wasn’t ready to face.  
Feeling miserable, Penny shouldered through the crowd to the bar, where she ordered another beer. She’d only been sitting there for a few minutes when a petite brunette with purple streaks in her hair edged in between the stools to stand next to her.  
“You’ve got a lot of nerve, showing up like this,” the woman said with barely suppressed anger.  
Penny looked at her in surprise. “Do I know you?” she asked.  
“No, but I know who you are. You’re the bitch that broke his heart,” the woman said, crossing her arms and scowling at Penny. “He doesn’t want to see you or talk to you, and believe me, you’d have to go through all of us to get to him.”  
Penny looked down at the woman (who didn't quite reach her shoulder) with a smirk. “One: I could take a little thing like you with one hand tied behind my back. Two: I’m glad he’s found someone who’s looking out for him. And three: I’m not the bitch who broke his heart. All I want is to see Shel--I mean, Cooper. Just tell him I'm asking for Moonpie.”  
The woman's expression had faltered at Penny's answer, but it hardened again. “I don't care what disgustingly cute nicknames you had for each other, the answer is no. No way, not in a million years.”  
Penny paused for a moment. The woman’s fierce protectiveness of Sheldon surprised her, and she thought she understood the reason behind it. “You think I'm Amy, don't you?” she asked.  
“Who’s Amy?” the brunette asked, scrunching her face up in confusion.  
“Someone I didn't wish to be reminded of,” said a voice behind her. “It’s all right, Jenna. This is my friend, Penny.”  
Penny spun around and launched herself at Sheldon, almost knocking him over. “Hi, Cooper,” she said. She hugged him tightly and after a moment, he reached around and patted her back. “There, there,” he said. “Shel—I mean, Coop—oh drat, Penny, why are you here?”  
She let go of him reluctantly. “Because I missed you. I was worried about you. I kept imagining you lying dead in the streets somewhere without pants.”  
Sheldon winced. “As you can see, I am perfectly fine.” But his gaze flitted around the room, and his fingers beat a nervous tattoo against the side of his leg.  
Penny looked him up and down carefully. He looked so different now that she could almost believe he had morphed into someone else. “I don't know about that. What’s happened to you? You’ve never use hair products in your life, and you hate jeans.”  
“I dress him,” Jenna piped up cheerfully.  
“Excuse me?” Penny asked coldly. Her hands clenched into fists. If this groupie chick had dared to take advantage of her Moonpie, it was going to be junior rodeo time. Sheldon placed a hand on Penny's shoulder with just enough pressure to send a message of restraint. “When I signed on with the band, they inserted an appearance clause into my contract,” he explained. “Jenna is the girlfriend of the lead singer, Von. She does all sorts of odd jobs for the band, including choosing appropriate attire for me.” Sheldon removing his hand from Penny's shoulder to indicate his leather jacket.  
“That's all it took? Damn, why didn't I think of that years ago?” Penny muttered in shock.  
“Not being my employer, you would’ve hardly had the same leverage, “ he said loftily.  
It made Penny so happy to hear his familiar speech patterns, she could almost kiss him… well, not literally, of course.  
“Sheldon, I’ve missed you so much. You have to come back,” she begged.  
Jenna shot them both a look. “Sheldon?”  
He sighed gustily. “I think we had better talk in private. We’re all staying at a hotel only two blocks away.”  
“_Sheldon_?” Jenna asked again, incredulously.  
He sighed and turned to face her. “Yes, that is my given name.”  
“I guess I can see why you’d rather be called Cooper,” she said, raising an eyebrow.  
A tall, broad-shouldered man with a bodybuilder’s musculature came up behind Jenna, edging through the crowd that seemed to part in front of him. “Jenna, Monk… everything all right here?”  
Penny cast a startled glance at Sheldon. “Monk?” she asked. Her lips were twitching with suppressed laughter.  
Sheldon was starting to get that strained look he used to get just before he would start to pitch a fit. But before he could say anything, the newcomer spoke up.  
“I’m Ty. Nice to meetcha,” he said, extending a huge hand toward Penny. They shook hands, her pale fingers seemingly swallowed up in his huge dark grip. With a lazy grin, Ty continued, “Yeah, Monk. Not cuz o’ the TV show, although he’s kinda like that too, but you know, like a medieval monk. He don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t mess around with girls… or boys. Just him and that damn schedule in his head.” He chuckled, and Penny grinned back at him. She knew all too well about Sheldon’s schedule. “Bit of a diva really, but he always shows up, always knows his part, and don’t ever make mistakes… at least, not until tonight.”  
“He says she’s not the ex,” Jenna said quickly, sounding put out. “Too bad, though. We’ve been dying of curiosity. Coop’s so close-mouthed about his past.”  
Penny shook her head. “Yeah, he’s always been like that. We were gonna go catch up. I promise I’ll have him home before his bedtime.”  
Jenna slid off the barstool and gave Penny one last appraising look. “I guess you really aren't the ex. From what little Coop’s told us about her, she wouldn't have been happy to find out he made new friends, or had any kind of life that didn’t involve her.” Then she turned back to Sheldon. “We’ll be back in a few hours, tops. If you need a ride... or anything else, just give me a call.”  
He nodded seriously. “Understood.”  
He held his arm out to her, and she stared at him for a few seconds before she curled a hand around his arm. She soon realized he wasn't just being a gentleman. A number of women tried to catch his attention by various means as they weaved through the crowd. Penny stared them all down and even elbowed a few of the more desperate groupies aside. Once outside, Sheldon exhaled loudly. “There is a definite disadvantage to being a member of a band,” he commented.  
“You’ve got to be the only single, straight guy on the planet who thinks women throwing themselves at him is a disadvantage,” Penny smirked.  
He didn't answer for a while as they walked along the sidewalk in the cool night air. “They know nothing about me. If they could see past this facade…” He pulled at the sleeve of his leather jacket. “They would sneer at who I really am: a grown man who likes superheroes and model trains and is afraid of intimacy.” His voice dropped so low at the end of his sentence that Penny barely caught what he said.  
“Is that why you left, to start over?” she asked gently.  
He nodded. “I have found that reinventing oneself is not as simple as it seems.”  
“Hey, give yourself credit,” Penny said. “I was worried sick about you because I didn't think you'd survive more than a few nights away from your familiar surroundings. But look at you. You're thousands of miles away in a new city, with a successful career that lots of people would envy.” There was a wistful note in her voice. It didn't seem fair. All those years she had tried so hard to catch a break in her acting, and Sheldon seemed to fall into a music career without half trying. She really was proud of him, but she was also a little jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So secret confession here... I hate songfics, so this isn't going to be one of them. It's just an old fic that I finally finished up to release into the wild. All of the (probably egregious) errors about what life on the road is really like for a band are mine, and I'm sure they are many. If you're feeling generous, just pretend this is an AU where everything works the way I've written it.


	3. Chapter 3

As they walked the rest of the way to the hotel, Penny kept the conversation light and superficial. In the hotel suite, it was easy to prompt Sheldon to talk in great detail about his adventures since he’d left. The man did love to talk. She learned that his trip had nearly been a disaster. He’d been mugged on the train, his cell phone and wallet stolen, leaving him with only an emergency hundred dollar bill tucked in his shoe. He got off at the next stop in Portland, planning to purchase new sundries, as he called them. Instead, he had walked by a music retailer, and the gleaming black and white keys of a baby grand piano beckoned to him. He sat down and began to play. The music enveloped him, taking him far away from all his troubles. Finally, the manager broke his trance-like state by shaking his shoulder. He’d been playing non-stop for several hours. The manager was pleased: he sold three pianos that day, thanks to Sheldon’s impromptu concert, and he told Sheldon he was welcome to come back and play again the next day.  
Leaving the store, Sheldon wandered until he found a cheap hotel that didn't care that he had no ID, as long as he paid up front in cash. He went back to the music store right after breakfast, deliberately ignoring the fact that he was almost out of money and practically homeless. He spent the entire day lost in the music, focusing solely on the waves of sound which transported him far away. That night, he didn't have enough money for a hotel. He wandered the streets for a while and then caught a few hours sleep in a booth of a 24-hour diner until he was kicked out. By the next day, he was completely broke. The fickle manager of the music store took in his mussed hair, reddened eyes and slept-in clothes and refused him entry to the store. Sheldon slumped to the pavement outside the store. He was rather light-headed, having eaten nothing since yesterday morning, and couldn't focus his thoughts enough to figure out what he should do next.  
A pair of combat boots came into his view, and then a rather alarming young man crouched down next to him. Sheldon inched away.  
“Hey, you're the piano player, aren't you?”  
He looked up warily, studied the man’s tattoos and facial piercings and finally said, “It’s none of your business.”  
“Actually, it is.” The man sat down cross-legged next to him on the sidewalk. “I’m the lead singer in a local band. We’ve got a decent round of regular gigs in nightclubs, starting to get some name recognition, you know? But then my bassist got wrapped up in some nasty business. We had to let him go. It was ugly, and he's been bad-mouthing us to anyone who will listen. Long story short, I need another musician fast. A friend heard you play the other day, told me I had to come hear you. Gotta say, it looks like you could use the work, man.”  
Sheldon found himself nodding in agreement. “I have found myself at somewhat of an impasse,” he confessed.  
Five minutes later, Sheldon found himself auditioning for his new friend (who introduced himself as Von) in the back of the music store. The manager’s objections had been overcome by Von’s slipping him a folded bill. Sheldon sat down at a baby grand and began playing the opening strains of Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsody. The dramatic phrasing and complicated fingering suited his mood. Von watched with a dumbstruck expression on his face as Sheldon’s hands danced over the keys, so fast they were almost a blur of motion. When Sheldon finished the piece and showed every sign of starting another, Von put a hand on his shoulder. Sheldon flinched away.  
“Whoa. Sorry, man. I didn't mean to freak you out,” he said instantly, holding up both hands in a placating gesture.  
“I don't like it when other people touch me,” Sheldon said moodily.  
“No problem. Tell you what: there's a clinic a few blocks from here. If you can pass a drug test, you're hired.”  
Sheldon rose from the piano bench too quickly. The room seemed to spin as flashes of light appeared in his vision. He scarcely noticed as Von grabbed his arm to prevent him from pitching forward. “If the blood test requires fasting, that won't be a problem,” he said faintly.  
The other man shook his head. “You’re in bad shape, man. Don't know what you would've done if I hadn't come along. Come on, there's a diner just up the street. We’ll get some food in you first.”  
So Von fed Sheldon and then took him to the clinic. After learning Sheldon had a clean bill of health, he took him to the hotel where the band was staying and introduced him to the other members. Although they were standoffish at first, they soon came to appreciate Sheldon, or Cooper, which was what he told them to call him. By some instinct, he decided to go by a different name. Compared to other musicians, his sterile lifestyle and exacting work ethic made him an almost ideal addition to the band. He didn't drink, do drugs, start fights, or cause drama by sleeping around with groupies. He was always on time for practice and shows, and he could play a multitude of different arrangements for any tune after hearing it only once. With those qualities, no one minded if he was a bit of a prima donna.  
“So I became the keyboardist for Mind Games and I've been touring with them for the past two months,” Sheldon concluded.  
“That's great, sweetie. It really is, but when are you coming home?” Penny asked.  
Sheldon stared straight ahead, his jaw set in a hard line. “I'm Cooper now. I go wherever the band goes. Sheldon no longer exists.”  
Penny remained silent for a long time. Finally she asked in a small voice, “Does that mean we aren't friends anymore?”  
He looked down at her, and his throat worked convulsively. “It just so happens that Cooper also has a best friend named Penny,” he conceded.  
Penny squealed happily and threw her arms around him. He sat stiffly, neither accepting or rejecting her embrace, until she said, “You know, I have this friend Cooper, and he always gives the best hugs.” To her surprise, her ploy worked. His arms came up slowly until he was holding her. She giggled when he murmured quietly, “There, there.”  
After that, they talked easily like it was old times. Penny was startled when the room door opened. A slight young man with acne scars and curly brown hair down to his waist entered. Sheldon (or was it Cooper now?) introduced him as Eric Leeds, the bassist.  
Eric gave Sheldon an odd look. “It’s after midnight, Coop. Thought you'd be asleep already.”  
“Eric is my roommate tonight,” Sheldon explained. “The lifestyle of a traveling minstrel doesn't afford luxuries such as separate hotel rooms.”  
“Not to mention, I get to be his unofficial chauffeur,” Eric groaned as he flopped down on the other queen-sized bed. He grabbed a pillow and put it over his face.  
“I guess that’s my cue to leave,” Penny grinned. “Will I see you tomorrow?”  
“That depends on whether you are willing to get up early,” he said. “Our next gig is in Boise. We’ll be on the road around six-thirty or seven, since it's approximately a nine-hour drive, factoring in traffic and rest stops.”  
“Oh.” Penny blinked, trying to assimilate this information. “But I just found you. Do you have to leave so soon?”  
“Yes. That is what it means to be a member of a band. Also, I signed a contract.”  
Penny smiled a little at this glimpse of his old self. “Well, would you like to drive with me? I could take you to Boise.”  
“Why? Do you have business in Boise?” Sheldon asked in confusion.  
She smirked at him. “Yeah, my best friend’s gonna be playing there tomorrow night.”  
Sheldon looked over his shoulder. “Eric, do you suppose that would be an acceptable compromise?”  
Penny’s jaw almost dropped at the thought of Sheldon voluntarily seeking a compromise.  
“Whatever. Just turn the light out. Some of us have to take a shift driving tomorrow,” Eric grumbled in a muffled tone with his face still hidden under his pillow.  
“Okay, sweetie, I’ll see you in the morning,” Penny said. She gave him one more quick hug and then left to drive back to her own hotel.  


* * *

Contrary to Sheldon’s expectations, Penny didn’t need a wake-up call. She was never a morning person, but she had trained herself to get up earlier now that she had a job with normal hours. She found the rest of the band members in the hotel lobby having breakfast. Eric was slumped over a cup of coffee, Sheldon was having oatmeal, and Jenna was talking to the man Penny vaguely recognized as the lead singer of Mind Games. Ty was sitting at another table, his enormous bulk dwarfing the round top. In front of him was a plate piled high with scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage and toast.  
“You’re late,” Sheldon said as she approached. She rolled her eyes. “Good morning to you, too,” she muttered sarcastically. “For your information, it took longer than I thought to check out. I’m hungry, though. Can I get breakfast?”  
“I don't know; can you?” he asked facetiously. In response, she rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue.  
“You have twelve minutes,” he continued, checking his watch. “Eat quickly. Now that everyone's here, we should be able to leave by 6:45 sharp.”  
“Whatever you say, Monk,” Penny replied teasingly and had the pleasure of seeing his shoulders stiffen before she made a beeline for the coffee. The other band members might tease Sheldon--or rather, Cooper--for his punctuality, but they were all ready to leave within a few minutes of the predetermined time. Penny had to go get her car. By the time she pulled around in front of the hotel, everyone except Sheldon had already piled into the van. The lead singer was behind the wheel. She still hadn’t been introduced, although she was dying to meet the man who had convinced Sheldon to join a band.


	4. Chapter 4

Penny’s curiosity about Von was finally satisfied several hours later as the band was setting up in their next venue. As he shook her hand, she appreciated the way his gaze seemed to size her up without drifting lower than her face. He had apparently already heard about her from his girlfriend Jenna, and he explained that Cooper reminded him of his little brother. That was why he had taken the runaway Sheldon under his wing. The rest of the band members followed his lead, and Penny couldn’t argue that at times, Sheldon did seem to need protecting. She watched him in bemusement as he worked in tandem with this new group of friends. It was quickly obvious that they all seemed to be genuinely fond of him. The grumbling as Sheldon used his weird throat noises to test the acoustics in the room was good-natured, not exasperated. No one complained as he repositioned his keyboard a half-dozen times and checked all the cables several times over.  
“Doesn’t that drive everyone crazy?” Penny asked Jenna, nodding with her chin at Sheldon as he moved his keyboard a half-inch to the left.  
Jenna shrugged. “He’s a perfectionist. That makes for a really dedicated musician, and he’s talented too. He wants to make sure the setup is as close to perfect as possible, and that just helps Von and the other guys sound their best. Why would any of us mind that?”  
“But… he’s so weird, and it’s taking forever,” Penny whined.  
Jenna’s mouth flattened into a thin line. “I thought you were his friend,” she said.  
“Yeah, I’m one of his best friends,” Penny replied quickly.  
“Then why is it so hard for you to accept him the way he is? It’s not like complaining about him is going to change anything, except to drive a wedge between you. In fact, if this is how his so-called friends treated him before, I’m surprised he didn’t rabbit sooner.”  
Penny bit her lip and fell silent. When she had first met Leonard and Sheldon, and later Howard and Raj, their constant teasing felt normal to her. Certainly, she’d done her fair share of belittling nerds like them when she was a cheerleader in high school. She hadn’t even given it a second thought, except to think that they were lucky she even bothered to talk to them. With little more than a coy smile, she had them all eating out of the palm of her hand, eager to do anything to impress her… all except Sheldon. In time, as her acting career failed to take off, she began to realize that she was lucky to have them as her friends. But now, seeing the easy camaraderie that Sheldon had found himself a part of, she once again questioned her actions. Just because the guys all teased each other mercilessly didn’t mean it was a healthy or mature way to act.  
“It’s okay for friends to tease each other sometimes,” Penny said slowly. “But maybe there were times when we took it too far.” Her face heated as she remembered the one time she told Howard off to his face. No one had been laughing then. She‘d been downright cruel. And of course, with Sheldon, he didn’t get most humor, so when she teased him or made jokes at his expense, was that really any better than the way she had treated Howard?  
The next time she heard Sheldon demanding an auto-tuner, she jumped up. “I’ll get it,” she offered. It only took her a few minutes to locate it in the back of the van. When she returned with the small device and handed it to Sheldon, he looked surprised.  
“Very good, Penny. This is the correct piece of equipment,” he said, turning to install it.  
“You’re welcome,” she said, smiling at him. It wasn’t an apology, but it was a good start.  
That evening, Penny listened intently to the music, as she had been too much in shock the previous evening to do. The group was pretty good, a little rough around the edges perhaps. It was still bizarre to see Sheldon playing in a band, but knowing he had fallen in with a crowd of truly decent people made it a little easier for Penny to understand.  
After their set ended, Penny didn’t hesitate to make her way backstage and help put away the equipment. Sheldon favored her with one of his shy, not-quite smiles. When the rest of the equipment was packed into the van, Penny turned to him.  
“So what’s next?” she asked.  
“We’ll spend the night here in Boise, and then drive to Eugene, Oregon tomorrow. We’re playing for three nights there, and then we have a couple of gigs in Portland. It’s an itinerant lifestyle, but there is still a surprising amount of routine. In fact, after a while, the cities and venues start to blur together.”  
Penny was silent a moment. At last, she said, “I guess this is really goodbye then, isn’t it? I already used up a lot of my vacation time getting here. When it runs out, I’ll have to go back home.” She stared straight ahead, biting her lip hard as her eyes began to burn with unshed tears. She sniffed, drawing Sheldon’s attention.  
“I know I’m not very good at interpreting facial expressions,” he began. “But you don’t seem happy at the prospect of returning home.”  
“I’m not. If I go back, I’ll still have to see Leonard almost every day and deal with his stupid, sad, puppy dog eyes because he wants to get back together. Bernie and Amy will try again to convince me that Leonard is the best thing that will ever happen to me, and Raj will be so mad, he won’t talk to me for weeks. And Howard… he always takes Leonard’s side. To be honest, we were never that close anyway.” She sighed. “I don’t have any friends of my own anymore. Over the years, I let myself get sucked into Leonard’s life. His friends became mine. I feel like I’ll end up going back to him just because it’s easier than starting over.”  
“If you had the opportunity to start afresh and still remain close to one of your best friends, would you be interested?” Sheldon asked, watching her intently.  
“Seeing that you’re my only best friend right now, you’ve got me curious,” Penny said. “But if you think the band will take me on as a backup singer, I think you’re nuts.”  
“I’m not crazy--” Sheldon began and then closed his mouth.  
Interesting, Penny thought. She was startled that Sheldon had managed to conquer some of his OCD-like impulses.  
“Mind Games lost their promoter a few months ago, shortly after they had to fire their drummer,” Sheldon explained. “They’ve been getting by booking gigs at clubs with which they already have a business relationship, but none of them have the time or expertise to procure new bookings. In short, we are metaphorically treading water.”  
“And you think I could do that?” Penny asked in amazement.  
"You were hired as a pharmaceutical sales rep at Bernadette's workplace with no college degree and only a waitressing career as experience," he replied. "However, in less than a year, you have become one of their top salespersons. You also know much more than I do about current music trends, something which I scorned in the past. In short, I think you would excel as a promoter."  
"I was wishing for a fresh start," Penny said quietly. "I envied the way you reinvented yourself."  
"It hasn't been easy," he put in quickly.  
"But what if it doesn't work out?"  
Sheldon huffed impatiently. "I never thought I would miss your impulsive nature, but in this case, I must make an exception. If you are too afraid to make a clean break with your old life, then ask your employer for a leave of absence. You can give the promoter position a trial run for a few weeks. Then if you don't like it, you can go back home."  
His words were delivered in a flat monotone, but Penny imagined that he was sneering at her hesitation.  
He's right, she thought, I wouldn't have been afraid like this a few years ago.  
"Okay, I'll give it a try," she said quickly, before she changed her mind.  
“I’ll talk to Von,” Sheldon promised. “But given your previous experience, I don’t believe he’ll turn you down.”  
He ducked back into the club and returned a few minutes later. “He’s gathering the rest of the band together for an informal vote, but it looks promising. You made a good choice by ingratiating yourself with the rest of the band by helping with tear-down.”  
“That wasn’t why I did it,” Penny began. She wanted to tell him about her eye-opening conversation with Jenna, but just then, Von stepped through the back door.  
“So I hear you want to be our promoter. God knows we could use one, but are you sure you know what you’re getting into?”  
Penny glanced at Sheldon. “Give us a minute, will you?” she murmured, grateful when Sheldon complied without protest. After he left, Penny turned back to Von. He was a little rough-looking, with multiple piercings and tattoos, but Sheldon’s story had convinced her he was a decent guy. Plus, he treated Jenna like a queen.  
“Honestly, I've never done anything like this before,” she answered. “But I've got years of experience in sales and customer service, and I'm good with people.”  
He sighed. “I'll level with you. At this point, your qualifications are a distant second to whether we can trust you. Cooper seems to, and that's something. But we got burned in the past, and I don't want to do that again. There was a time when we didn't know if Mind Games had a future. We're still trying to pick up the pieces from that mess.”  
Penny gave him a wry smile. “I know what that’s like. I just came off a bad breakup, realized I let this guy take over my life. I want to start over. I want to figure out what I want out of life instead of being someone’s arm candy. I don't really know if this is what I want either, but we can both give it a try. If it doesn't work out, I can always go back to my old life.”  
Von ran a hand through his highlighted hair. “We can't pay much. Most promoters for up-and-coming bands like ours have a bunch of clients.”  
She shrugged. "I can make up the difference for a while. Pharmaceutical sales pays pretty well. I can float my rent back home for a couple months until I find out if I'm any good as a promoter."  
“Then we’ve got a deal. We'll give it a try,” Von said. He extended a hand to her. “Welcome to the craziness that is Mind Games.”  
So Penny packed up and followed the band to their next venue. The passenger seat of her car became a hotly contested oasis from the noise and funk of the old touring van, and Sheldon mysteriously managed to claim the spot most of the time.  


* * *

At their next hotel, Sheldon again surprised Penny by arguing that she should be present for the band's practice sessions. She needed to better understand the group’s sound and identity if she were to successfully market Mind Games. When the rest of the band and Jenna agreed, Penny gave in as gracefully as she could.  
Over the next few weeks, she was kept so busy learning on the job that she was hardly aware what city they were in. She was also trying to put out fires that the band's former promoter had caused when he left. Frankly, the books were such a mess that she was impressed Von had managed to keep track of what city their next gig was in. She spent hours on the phone each day, confirming bookings, quashing rumors about the band's imminent demise, and networking. She'd gotten a few new bookings, with several more clubs interested if their track record held up. Because of that, she was constantly working on the band's image. She felt she almost nagged at them: for Eric to stop glowering at people, for Von stop mumbling during interviews, and for Ty to try to look a little more approachable. She'd honestly thought Sheldon would be the most trouble, but he wasn't. He’d changed so much in such a short time that there were moments when she wondered if she really knew him anymore. He was still fussy, but no longer demanding. He only volunteered opinions when it came to music or food. Penny almost found herself missing his random "fun facts". She supposed this was how he coped with all the turmoil in his life. Nevertheless, she kept trying to get him to open up. When he rode shotgun in her car, she maintained a steady stream of conversation while he had his earbuds in. She noted with surprise that now he was just as likely to be listening to music as physics lectures. He seemed perfectly capable of carrying on a conversation and listening to his lectures at the same time, which impressed Penny, even knowing how smart he was. They discussed music styles and ideas for promoting the band, interspersed with trivia about the towns they were driving through. From the occasional comments he made, Penny was starting to have a vague grasp of some elementary physics principles as well, Schrodinger’s cat notwithstanding. After the first week on the road driving Sheldon around, she began to believe that he really was different, not just putting up a good front.  
The one change that was soon apparent was how close he stuck to her side. He wanted her there for every practice session. In fact, the rest of the band soon took it for granted that Cooper was nervous and fussy when she wasn’t around. Penny tried to give in gracefully, since she was still trying to make a good impression. She couldn't help but wonder though, about Sheldon’s clinginess and the reasons behind it.


	5. Chapter 5

Penny had been reluctant to let her friends know about her new job. She knew all of them, unlike her, were intelligent people who might end up doing something truly significant, like discovering a new element or curing cancer. They couldn’t understand that she’d only accepted that pharmaceutical sales job to feel like less of a loser around them. She was sure they’d see a uncertain future as a band promoter as a step in the wrong direction. But after a few weeks’ absence, she had to tell them why she wasn’t returning… at least, not right away. Surprisingly, except for Bernadette, they all made less fuss about her decision than she expected. Bernie read her the riot act, telling her that she was never going to win Leonard back if she wasn’t even living in the same state. Penny held her tongue to keep from retorting that was exactly her point. She desperately needed a fresh start, and so had Sheldon. She just wished she hadn’t lost so much of her confidence that it took Sheldon, of all people, to show her the way.  
She was starting to fall in love with the itinerant lifestyle. True, it didn't allow for her to have an expansive wardrobe, but she loved to travel. She’d been stifling in Pasadena without realizing it. Now, she loved the excitement of driving to a new city every few days. Her suitcase seemed like a modern day hobo's bag. Over time, her confidence in her new role grew. The constant enforced togetherness with the members of the band created a bond. She started to feel like they were family.  
There was Ty, who was absolutely rock-solid dependable. He had a sly sense of humor and was devoted to his mama. He called her every week and wired her whatever money he could spare. Eric was still a bit standoffish around Penny, but that was probably due to his cynical outlook on life rather than anything personal. He loved metal, even though the popularity of that style of music had declined. Von, the leader of the group, could be very intense when it came to music. He had a temper which showed itself occasionally, although he usually dealt with it by walking it off or letting Jenna talk him around. He was every bit the professional though, and never let his frustration interfere with a gig. Jenna mothered everyone, even though she was younger than them all. She’d been a listening ear for everyone in the band at one time or another, and she kept all their secrets. Despite her shock at learning that Cooper’s real name was Sheldon, no one else had heard it from her.  
As the weeks passed, Penny found she hardly missed her old life at all. Just as Sheldon had told her, the itinerant lifestyle was both constantly changing and always the same. A few incidents stood out, like the time she dragged Sheldon to an Irish bar on St. Patrick’s Day and convinced him to drink a green-dyed beer. He was still a happy drunk, as evidenced by the fact that he ended up leading the whole bar in an traditional Irish song that Penny had never heard before. On the way back to the hotel, Sheldon leaned on her for support and confided that he had learned the song from an episode of original Trek. She laughed, and that was when he peered at her and told her she was pretty. In reply, she rolled her eyes and told him to remember that the next morning when he was dealing with a hangover.  
That was just one piece of evidence that a nuance was developing in their friendship that hadn’t been there before. She didn’t know what to make of his insistence that she be present at every practice. She often felt his gaze on her as if he was watching her every move. There had been times when she had flirted with a cute guy at whatever bar the band was playing that night. Whenever that happened, she never saw Cooper hanging around afterward. If he was jealous, it was an odd way to show it, but then again, she could hardly expect normal behavior from him.  
Her curiosity was piqued. She began watching him when she thought he wasn’t looking. She studied him for signs that he had some kind of feelings for her, even though she wasn’t sure what she would do if he did. One thing that everyone in the band knew for certain: bringing up the subject of his ex was strictly forbidden. For all the hours that they talked on road trips, he never mentioned Amy, although Penny did occasionally see him checking Facebook when she peeked at his phone over his shoulder. Assuming he hadn't unfriended Amy, he must know by now that she had once again put her profile on a dating app. She’d bragged about going on a number of dates and seeing a few guys more than once. Penny also knew that Leonard had started dating again. His new girlfriend was a fellow professor named Sarah, and Penny couldn’t help but feel relieved that he was moving on. If she’d hung around Pasadena, she was sure that sooner or later, she would start to question her decision to end the engagement, cheating or not. When she was lonely, she did stupid things, like thinking she and Leonard weren't that bad together. If he was with someone else, that would prevent her from repeating that mistake for the third time, assuming she ever went back home.  


* * *

Penny had been traveling with the band for months before they took a rare full day off: no practice, no road trip to their next venue, just hanging out in their hotel, free to do whatever they wanted. She slept in until almost eleven AM, eschewing the hotel’s free breakfast for the luxury of spending hours snuggled under the covers in her pajamas. After she finally got dressed, she decided to check out the hotel’s pool with the half-formed idea that she might go swimming later. As she wandered around the first floor, she heard strains of music. Curious, she followed the sound. As she drew closer to the source, she could hear that it was some kind of classical music played on the piano. She was smiling as she slipped through a pair of double doors, knowing who the musician was.  
She found Cooper (she was finally starting to think of him as Cooper rather than Sheldon) in the hotel's ballroom. The aging hotel had clearly seen better days, and the carpet was almost threadbare in places, but it still touted a ballroom. A baby grand piano was tucked into one corner of the huge room, and he was sitting in front of it. The music he was playing seemed to pour out of the instrument and flood the huge room with glorious sound. Penny stepped closer slowly, hesitantly, unwilling to break the spell that his music cast over the room. She had no idea what he was playing, besides the fact that it was obviously classical, but it was beautiful. He sat with his back to her, and about twenty feet away, she leaned against the wall and stood listening to him play. She was just as mesmerized by the intensity of his performance as by the entrancing melody. She couldn't take her eyes off of him, the way his fingers flew over the keys or the way his body swayed lover-like back and forth over the keyboard. This was a secret he had unwittingly kept from all his friends in Pasadena: deep in his soul, there was passion.  
She lost all track of time as she stood there, watching him play. If his genius was impressive before when it was only evidenced by equations on a whiteboard, it was breathtaking now.  
After perhaps fifteen or twenty minutes, Cooper stopped playing. His hands still caressed the keys as the final chords reverberated through the room. He turned toward her as if he had known all along she was there.  
“Did you like it?” he asked in an unusually diffident voice.  
Feeling as if she had just woken from a dream, Penny walked over to him. “I… it was amazing. I've never heard anything so beautiful. I love watching you play.” Inwardly, she winced although she didn't let it show on her face. I love watching you play? Good one, Penny. You sound like one of his freaking fangirls. But it was true. When he sat down in front of a keyboard, he dropped his guard. She could see all the emotions on his face that he normally kept hidden behind an impassive mask. The result was compelling, even strangely sexy. It wasn't the first time Penny had had thoughts like that about Sheldon, but she had no idea what to do with them.  
Feeling oddly embarrassed, she struggled to put her thoughts into words. “Like hardly begins to describe it. You should be giving concerts in one of those big music halls for thousands of people. I can’t believe you can play like that.”  
He shrugged. “I have a master’s degree in piano performance. It was something I earned in my spare time while I was working towards my first doctorate degree in physics.” Before she could react to that surprising revelation, he asked, “Would you like to hear another piece?” He was already pressing the keys as he spoke, his long-fingered hands spanning the chords as if he had been born for this. The music was slow, dreamy and expressive.  
“I think that’s my favorite one so far,” she said when he finally lifted his hands from the keys. “What was it called?”  
“Liebestraume Number Three,” he replied. “It’s by Franz Liszt, one of the greatest composers of the Romantic era.”  
Penny couldn't help making a face at that. “An ugly name for such pretty music.”  
He gave her one of his smiles that was just a slight upturn of one corner of his mouth. “German is considered by many to be a harsh, guttural language, but the title translates as ‘Love’s Dream’ or ‘Dream of Love’.”  
“Oh,” Penny said softly. It was a startlingly romantic piece of music. Before she could think better of it, she asked, “What do you think about when you're playing it?” She wanted to ask if he still thought about Amy, and if he missed her. A few months ago, she would have had no problem just asking him outright, but the shift in her feelings toward him left her tongue-tied and unsure in his presence.  
“I try not to think about anything except the music.” He shrugged. “Music was my escape when I was younger, but at the university, my review panel told me that my performance, while technically flawless, was completely lacking in emotional or artistic expression.”  
From the tone of his voice, Penny gathered that he was quoting from memory. “They’re wrong,” she protested. “You feel the music. I can see it in the way you lean over the piano and the way you touch the keys.” She trailed her fingers along the sleek curves of the baby grand. “I bet if they could hear you now, they wouldn't think so. You’ve grown. You’ve changed a lot since I've known you… you even fell in love.”  
He looked down at his hands, clasped loosely in his lap. “Did I?” he asked in a low voice. “Is love supposed to make you miserable? To wonder if you’ve given up too much of yourself? To resent the other person for insisting that you change while they refuse to do likewise?”  
Penny was silent for a moment. “With Leonard, I felt like I lost a part of myself too. I wouldn't have said I was miserable, but being with him never made me happy. So I guess I would say that I wasn't really in love with him, even though I thought I loved him.”  
His face cleared, and he actually looked relieved. “I believe that was my experience with Amy. I appreciated that she was a constant in my life. I thought I was taking the necessary steps to cement her affections. I even asked my mother for the engagement ring that's been in the Cooper family for generations.”  
Penny's jaw dropped. After a long pause, she stammered, “What? You were going to propose to Amy?” She felt her face heating and her vision blurred. “Why didn't you tell me before?” she demanded.  
“It was very painful for me when she terminated our relationship. I wasn't ready to discuss it before now.”  
Penny nodded, and he heard her mutter under her breath, “I'm such an idiot.” Aloud, she said, “I, uh... I’ve gotta go. I have a phone call to make.” Without giving him time to reply, she practically ran from the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Sheldon watched Penny leave, an unhappy frown on his face. It was atypical behavior for her to cut off a conversation. Odder still was the fact that he had seen her wiping at her face with both hands as she left. If the overflow of fluids from her lacrimal ducts was any indication, he must have somehow hurt her feelings. He sighed. Lately, with the amount of time the two of them had been spending together, he thought his people skills had improved. Apparently, he had overestimated his progress. He began playing a Bach fugue, knowing he would have to ask her how he had erred. He might even have to apologize.  
He didn't see her the rest of the day, nor was she at practice the day after that. He kept craning his neck all during practice, peering at the doorway.  
“Monk, I'm about to break this thing over your head if you don't knock it off,” Eric finally grumbled, brandishing his guitar, even though they both knew it was an idle threat. “She’s not gonna show. What, did the two of you have a fight?”  
“No, we were merely having a conversation,” he replied.  
“What about?” This was from Ty. Cooper sighed, realizing that now everyone was going to be involved.  
“We were talking about our exes,” he reluctantly explained.  
“Ooh, bad move, man,” Von commented with a low whistle.  
Jenna poked her head up from behind the screen of her laptop. “Oh, come off it, you guys. I’ve heard enough about that whiny little turd to know Penny's glad he's gone.” She took one look at Cooper’s face and paused. “Did you talk about your ex?” she asked softly.  
There was a moment of absolute silence as the guys absorbed the fact that Jenna had brought up Cooper’s one taboo, the reason he had been willing to starve in the streets rather than go back and face her.  
He was oblivious to the tension. “Yes, I mentioned her briefly, but I don't know why that would make Penny cry. She still maintains some contact with Amy.”  
“She was crying?” Jenna’s voice rose into a screech. “You jackass! What did you say about Amy… exactly what did you say?”  
Of course, he could and did repeat their conversation word for word, causing a few eyebrows to be raised at his feat. But Jenna wasn’t impressed by his perfect recall. “You idiot! You freaking moron! Ugh!” Curling her hands into claws, she held them up and howled “Why?” at the ceiling. Then with a frustrated growl and a disgusted look at him, she stormed out of the room.  
“I have no idea what I did to elicit that kind of response,” Cooper said after an awkward silence.  
Eric laughed. “In my experience, Monk, you’re better off not knowing.”  
“Girls stick up for each other,” Von said with a shrug, even though inwardly, he was stunned by Cooper’s revelation. When they had first met, the man had hardly impressed him as someone capable of making permanent decisions about his life. That the self-contained perfectionist had been about to propose to a woman he wasn’t in love with made no sense at all to him. “You can go make it right later… after practice,” he said, eliciting a groan from Eric. He picked up his guitar again. “From the top, on three…”  


* * *

Penny avoided Cooper for days after learning that he had once planned to propose to Amy. It was an impressive feat considering how much time she usually spent with the band and how rare privacy was as they traveled. She figured she just needed some space to get over this weird attraction she felt for him. There had always been a strong bond between her and Sheldon, but in the past, she would have called it friendship. Sometimes, she’d felt like she was his big sister or even his mom. But there was nothing maternal in the way his music made her feel. Even before that, she had recognized that her feelings for him had started to evolve into something deeper and more complex. The problem was, she was certain that for all the changes Sheldon had made, for all that he had transformed himself into “Cooper”, she was sure that underneath he was still the same germaphobic guy who hated to be touched. He would never see her in a romantic light. The best thing for her to do would be to just forget these bizarre feelings she had for him. She tried to convince herself that was for the best, but fate intervened in the form of a common virus.  
She was working on her laptop in her hotel room one morning. Her phone chimed, but she ignored it, trying to finish uploading the changes to the band’s calendar on their website. A few minutes later, there was a knock at her door. She opened it to find Jenna standing there with a confused look on her face.  
“Do you know what ‘code milky green’ stands for?” her friend asked with a grimace.  
Penny froze. “That's from Coop, right?”  
Jenna nodded. “He sent it out to everyone.”  
Penny groaned. “It means he's sick. He must have a cold."  
"Milky green? That’s disgusting."  
"It's not as bad as he makes it sound." Penny shrugged. "Mostly he just turns into a big baby when he's sick, like any other guy. I'll go check on him. I know what he wants: split pea soup with croutons, and someone to sing Soft Kitty to him."  
"You sing to him? Aww, that's so cute.”  
“Jenna, stop. It's not cute; he's a giant pain in the ass when he’s sick.”  
“Okay. So you want me to get him some soup?”  
“No,” Penny said quickly. “You’d get it all wrong. I mean, you have no idea what kind of a hissy fit he can throw when he's not feeling well.”  
Jenna smirked at her. “Whatever you say, girl. I can see you're not about to let anyone else take care of him.”  
“It’s not like that,” Penny protested, but her objections sounded lame, even to her, and were only met by more knowing smirks from her friend.  


* * *

Sheldon rarely caught a cold. He attributed this to his general avoidance of physical contact with other people, but when he did get sick, Penny was the only one he wanted nearby. He had to admit, when he was dating Amy, he’d been concerned about her willingness to sing “Soft Kitty” to him or make him split pea soup with croutons and cut-up hot dogs. She would have been far more likely to scold him or tell him to stop being childish.  
He was tucked into his bed in his flannel pajamas and robe. By his count, it had been thirty-seven minutes since he had sent the “code milky green” text to his friends. He’d expected some kind of a response by now. A bit of that old fear started creeping up on him, the fear that he would be left alone, the fear that he would lose the person that mattered most to him…  
His thoughts were interrupted by the soft click of his room door being unlocked, and then Penny entered with a little smile on her face. She took one look at him, lying in bed, propped up by several pillows. The bed was littered with wadded-up tissues, and he was sure his nose was all red. She crossed to his side, holding a plastic bag from which she produced a box of tissues (the good kind, not the cheap, rough-as-sandpaper ones the hotel stocked), a digital thermometer, a jar of vapor rub, and a couple of bottles of medicine from the bag. He eyed the last two items suspiciously.  
“How’re you feeling?” she asked sympathetically.  
“How do you think I’m feeling?” he retorted without any real heat. He was still fighting to master his anxiety, loathe to admit he wasn’t as self-sufficient as he liked people to believe. He was so congested that he couldn’t even pronounce his words correctly, which just irritated him more. There was nothing worse than being sick. He loathed feeling so weak and… ordinary.  
In response, Penny leaned over and put a hand on his forehead. “You're a little warm. You might have a fever.”  
He sighed, relaxing under her touch. Just knowing she was there to take care of him soothed his frayed nerves. When she would have pulled away, he caught her hand and held it against the side of his face. “Your hands are cool. It feels nice,” he murmured.  
A faint tinge of pink spread across her face. Had he been feeling well, he certainly would have wondered about it. Instead, he submitted to having his temperature taken. She determined that he had a low grade fever. She tried to lay a cool, damp washcloth on his head, but he complained it was too wet. All he wanted was the touch of her hand, so she pulled a chair up next to the bed, and he held her hand to his face until he drifted into a shallow slumber.  
When he woke, Penny was still there. She was looking at her phone but glanced up as soon as he stirred. She reached down and picked up the bottle of cold medicine. “I never did get around to giving you this. You fell asleep too fast.”  
He eyed the bottle of green-tinted syrup distrustfully. “I don’t do drugs. I promised my mother.”  
She arched an eyebrow at him in a way that made him apprehensive. “Maybe Sheldon said that, but I don’t think Cooper ever said any such thing. And the band needs you back on your feet. It's not like you get sick days anymore, remember?”  
She had him there; he never had gotten around to creating a convincing backstory for “Cooper”, and now it was too late. He grumbled, but managed to gulp down what seemed like an excessive amount of the foul-tasting green medicine. He grimaced and muttered unhappily, but Penny made up for it by kissing him on the forehead and offering to sing “Soft Kitty”. Then she turned on the television and found a documentary on supernovas for him to watch. The medicine made him drowsy, and at some point, he fell asleep again, once more clutching her hand to his cheek.  
She was at his beck and call all day, giving him medicine, singing to him and fluffing his pillows. She made sure the concierge found him the right kind of soup and then had the kitchen add croutons, just like his mother used to make. Better, in fact, not that he would ever admit that to anyone.  
He couldn’t help but reflect on the circumstances that had led to his leaving his familiar surroundings in Pasadena. He’d come to despise the changes that had been forced upon him--Leonard’s gradual desertion, his confusing and unsatisfactory relationship with Amy, abandoning his beloved string theory--but the cruelest betrayal of all was the thought that he was going to lose Penny. At the time, he hadn’t realized what caused him to run. Each stressor had widened the cracks in the foundation of his psyche, but Penny - she was the final blow. And so he’d left, blindly, without any forethought or preparation to face unknown perils. She was the only one of his friends that seemed to care enough to come after him.  
In his mind, he’d braced himself for the inevitable confrontation with Amy once she tracked him down, but it had never happened. She’d carried on with her life, seeming indifferent to his plight. When he huddled on the sidewalk outside that music store so many months ago, he began to hate her for not caring enough to try to find him. Besides his mother, there was no one else who had ever cared for him like Penny did. He thought about how she’d worried about him when all his other friends ignored him. Amy had moved on without even attempting to find him. Even Leonard had made only a perfunctory effort to contact him. Penny had hired a PI, hunted him down, and then hadn't left his side. In fact, that's exactly where she was now: by his side. Their hands were still entwined against his cheek, and he curled his hand around hers a little more tightly.


	7. Chapter 7

Cooper woke again hours later, feeling groggy but much improved. He had to admit, the cold medicine Penny had tricked him into taking was rather effective. He had been dreaming: a strange, nebulous dream where he and Penny were two neighboring galaxies which were slowly combining. Streams of ether containing billions of stars intertwined, spiraling ever closer, until they joined fully in a glorious, blinding explosion of light. He didn’t normally place much credence in dreams, but this one seemed significant somehow. There must be some hidden message his subconscious was trying to relay, but he couldn’t figure it out. He stirred, and before he had even opened his eyes, he was reaching for her hand. Not finding it, he peered through tired slits and was relieved to see her sitting by his bedside.  
“Penny,” he called, his voice coming out as a hoarse croak.  
“What is it, sweetie?” she asked.  
He reached for her hand and sighed in contentment at her touch. “You never put vapor rub on my chest,” he replied after a moment. It was the first thing which came to mind. He didn’t know what made him say that. He just wanted to experience more of her cool, gentle touch on his heated skin.  
She flushed again, and he noted it with curiosity. “Are you feeling unwell?” he asked.  
“Uh, no… I mean, not yet anyway, although you might have infected me with your cold germs.” She glanced down at their clasped hands.  
“I'm... congested,” he said. He was, too, just barely enough to prevent his usual facial tics when he lied. “I need you to put vapor rub on my chest so I can breathe.” Curiously, there now seemed to be some kind of tension in the air between them. She had been so helpful and caring all day; he couldn’t imagine what would make her balk at this request.  
Penny sighed and said ungraciously, “Fine. Let's get this over with.”  
“You have to rub it counter--”  
“Counter-clockwise so your chest hair doesn't mat,” she finished. “I know the drill.”  
He sat up and began unbuttoning his flannel pajama top, then he pulled his t-shirt over his head. All the while, she held his gaze with some strange expression lurking in her eyes. Her breathing increased, and her fingers trembled slightly as she dipped them into the jar of pungent ointment. He shuddered as her fingertips trailed through his chest hair and brushed his bare skin.  
“Are my hands too cold?” she asked quickly.  
“No,” he replied. “It feels very pleasant.”  
She dropped her eyes and stared at his chest. Her fingernails occasionally scraped across his skin in a way that was somehow stimulating. Some half-understood reflex was pushing to the surface of his consciousness. He wanted to touch her again and greedily watched her every move.  
After an interminable length of time, she said, “There, all done.” She tried to withdraw her hand, but he caught it, trapping it against his chest. She looked up in shock.  
“I need more,” he told her.  
Cheeks flaming, she held up the small ointment container. “I’ve already used up half the jar.”  
“Don’t stop,” he said, feeling as if he could compel her by this strange force between them. Her eyes opened wide, and her pupils were so dilated that her eyes appeared almost completely black, like some exotic wild creature. Slowly, she dipped her fingers back into the jar and trailed them across his chest. The cold burn of the menthol was nothing compared to the energy that seemed to sizzle between them at the skin-to-skin contact.  
Sheldon leaned back with his eyes half-closed, although he was feeling incredibly alert.  
“That feels good,” he murmured. “Keep going.”  
Silently, she did as he asked. When she finally stopped, she didn't lift her hand from his chest. He quickly covered her hand with his own. “Penny,” he said in a low voice.  
“Yeah?” she asked breathlessly.  
“Come sit next to me.” He patted the bed with his free hand.  
“I am sitting next to you,” she said weakly, with a glance down at the hard armchair on which she rested.  
“No, here,” he insisted. He glanced over at the window. Although he wasn't sure of the time, it was fully dark outside. “There's only one bed in this room; where did you think you were going to sleep?”  
She stammered, “I… I don't know. Why are you acting so weird?”  
After a pause, he asked, “Why are you always so kind to me?” He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but he had to understand this connection they had. “Why did you come find me? Why did you stay?”  
Penny gave him a wide-eyed glance. “We’re friends, sweetie.”  
“None of my other friends uprooted their lives to be with me.”  
“Well, we're best friends,” she replied, as two spots of red blossomed in her cheeks.  
Sheldon watched her face in fascination. He knew vascular dilation of the capillaries could be a sign of excitement, embarrassment, or even sexual arousal. He was getting closer to an answer, but he was half-afraid to hear it. Still, he persisted. “I had a girlfriend for a number of years. Over time, her presence became comfortable and familiar. But she never accepted me the way I was. She kept wanting to change me. It's ironic that only after she broke up with me was I able to cut ties with my old life. But you always accepted me as I am and refused to let me go. I believe that kind of attachment is something more than friendship.”  
Her cheeks flushed a deeper pink. “You must be high on cold medicine; you don't know what you're saying,” she replied, but she drew closer to him as she said it.  
“I do, because that’s exactly how I feel.” He reached out and ran the back of his hand along her cheek. Her pupils dilated in response, making her eyes seem huge and hypnotic. She held his hand along the side of her face and closed her eyes briefly.  
“We need to… we need to stop. This isn't a good idea,” she said shakily. “This is... crazy.”  
The corners of his mouth rose in the slightest smile. “I've been accused of being crazy all my life. Crazy or not, this feels more right than anything I've ever done before.”  
Penny's breath caught in her throat with an audible gasp, and she squeezed his hand tighter. “Are you sure?” she whispered. “I don't want to mess up our friendship. You mean too much to me.”  
An unexpected smile crossed his face. “You’re risking your own health to take care of me. You’ve spent the entire day indulging my every whim. If my father were still alive, he’d tell me I’d be a damned fool to let you go.”  
Her eyes widened. Sheldon almost never swore… but maybe Cooper did. Her face burned, but she moved as close to him as her chair would allow. He scooted further toward the middle of the bed, still holding her hand so she had to shift with him. There was the faintest hint of a sly, teasing look in his eyes as he tugged on her hand. She gave up and sat on the edge of the bed. He urged her closer until she was half-lying against his double pillows. “Sheldon,” she protested, a little shocked at his behavior.  
“Not Sheldon… Cooper,” he answered as he lay back, gazing at her in satisfaction.  
“I’m going to get your cold, you know,” she teased.  
“Then I suppose it will be my turn to take care of you,” he answered.  
That statement seemed to change her mind. She inched closer until she was cuddled up against his side and slid an arm across his waist. For a moment, his whole body went rigid when she touched him, but gradually he relaxed. She let out a contented sigh.  
“I kept telling myself I was crazy,” she murmured. “That day I found you playing in the ballroom... that was when I knew the way that I felt about you was more than just a friend. But I saw how you were with Amy, so--”  
“Don’t say her name,” he said quickly. She paused, and then nodded, her head pillowed against his shoulder.  
“Anyway, I didn’t think you would ever feel the same way,” she whispered. It was easier to tell him how she felt when she didn’t have to look him in the eye. After years of a mediocre, insipid relationship with Leonard, the strength of her feelings for this man beside her--Cooper, not Sheldon--unnerved her.  
In response, he put an arm around her shoulders and held her close. She wanted to stay awake, to soak in every moment of being held in his arms, but she had a hard time keeping her eyes open. Soon her eyelids drooped and she fell asleep.  


* * *

When Penny woke the next morning, for a moment she was disoriented. She had fallen asleep in her clothes, and now she was too warm and her head hurt. She stirred restlessly and then realized she was cradled in someone's arms. Her eyes flew open.  
“Coop--” she rasped and then grimaced at the pain in her throat.  
He helped her up into a sitting position. “It seems you have contracted my cold. I didn't mean for you to get sick,” he offered, sounding almost apologetic.  
She managed to shrug as he offered her a glass of water, which she gulped down gratefully. “All part of the package deal,” she whispered.  
He left her side and returned a moment later with a plastic cup full of green liquid. “Here, take this.”  
She chuckled when she saw it. “Payback,” she commented as she gulped down the viscous medicine, grimacing at the foul taste. Then she studied him carefully. “You seem a lot better,” she murmured hoarsely. To her utter amazement, two spots of pink appeared on his cheeks.  
“I do feel better. You were right about the medicine.”  
Her eyebrows rose. “Is this Sheldon Cooper admitting that I’m right?”  
“No, this is Cooper Smith, who is just starting to believe in the healing power of endorphins.” He sat down next to her on the bed. She frowned at him in confusion, and he explained, again turning pink as he did so, “You make me happy.”  
She didn’t have any reply except to snuggle against him once more. He could call himself by a different name, but Penny didn’t believe people could just change overnight. Yet this wasn’t the first time he had upended his life on a whim. It was just the first time that she was aware it had lasted for more than a few days.  
They spent the rest of the day in bed together. Cooper was still recovering, but he diligently cared for Penny as much as he was able, bringing her tissues and cold medicine and ordering her chicken soup through room service. He even found reruns of Sex in the City for her to watch on cable, although he promptly turned his attention to his phone while she was watching her favorite show. At one point, she poked him in the side.  
“You know, we never discussed it, but I think Cooper likes this show,” she said teasingly.  
He glowered at her. “Don’t try my patience, woman,” he scowled. The effect was ruined by the fact that he reached over to take her hand as he said it. For the moment she was perfectly content.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day, Penny was over the worst of her cold, but there was no compelling reason for either of them to leave. Von had an extensive network of fellow musicians that covered every city or large town in the tristate area. When he had first heard Cooper was sick, he insisted he take time off and rest. Then he found a stand-in keyboardist in less than two hours. Penny was a little in awe of his networking skills and made note to make better use of his contacts in promoting the band.  
Meanwhile, she and Cooper were free for another day. In the morning, Penny relented and let him watch the Syfy channel. She snuggled up against him and dozed on and off. Although she wasn't ready to admit it, some of the shows weren't half bad. By the afternoon, she was feeling well enough that she wanted to get out of the hotel room.  
He gallantly tucked her hand into the crook of his arm as he escorted her through the hotel lobby. Outside, the temperature was cool, and the wind whipped strands of hair into her eyes. She shivered despite the thick jacket she wore, suddenly aware that winter was approaching. She’d been on the road with the band for almost four months, and she had no intention of moving back to California anytime soon. Maybe, she mused, it was time to give up her apartment and put her things away in storage.  
They wandered down the street and soon found a little pizza place close to the hotel. Cooper didn't ask the staff to wear gloves when they prepared his food. Over the months on the road, he seemed to finally comprehend the comment Penny once made about ticked-off servers spitting in his food. Now he gave the restaurant staff less trouble. Penny kept glancing over at him, wondering if in his mind, this was their first date. They hadn't even kissed yet. She sighed. Amy had really messed with his head, so now she didn’t even know what to expect from him.  
After dinner, they returned to their hotel room and sat side by side on the bed, watching television. They traded off choosing shows to watch. At ten o’clock, he announced that it was bedtime. Penny didn't know how to react to that Sheldon-esque statement. She waited while he disappeared into the bathroom to change into a clean pair of flannel pajamas. As he climbed back under the covers, Penny cuddled up against his side.  
“What are you doing?” he asked, sounding alarmed.  
She gave him an odd look. “We’ve spent most of the past two days in bed together. Why would it bother you now?”  
He fidgeted. “We are both largely recovered at this point, and I am well aware of your… sexual proclivities.”  
“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing that I like having sex,” Penny said, annoyed.  
“I don't know what you’re anticipating. We haven't even drawn up a contract yet. Neither of us has clearly stated our intentions.” His breath was coming in short gasps, and he looked about ready to pass out.  
Quickly, Penny moved aside so they were no longer touching. “Close your eyes. Listen to the sound of my voice. Just breathe… nice and easy. In and out. In… and out.”  
After a few moments, he had calmed down. He opened his eyes and looked over at her. “That helped.”  
“You're welcome,” she replied. Of course, her sarcasm went right over his head. “Sweetie, you can't get yourself all worked up over this. Let's talk about what's bothering you. I sure wasn't expecting us to have sex tonight. I just thought it was nice sharing a bed with you.”  
He glanced over at her uneasily. “I liked it too,” he admitted after a long pause. “But I don't even know how to categorize the changes in our relationship over the past two days.”  
“I guess I'd say we're dating… if you're okay with that. I mean, after all those years of telling me no one can be in your room, now you let me sleep in the same bed.”  
He shook his head. “Cooper apparently moves a lot faster than Sheldon ever did.”  
Penny frowned slightly. She still didn't like Sheldon talking about himself in the third person. “You're still you, no matter what name you go by. You know that - right, sweetie?”  
He looked down at the comforter, smoothing the sheets carefully before he responded. “I am well aware that basic personality traits don't change, but patterns of behavior can. To use a popular phrase, being Sheldon wasn't ‘working for me’ anymore. As Cooper, I can allow myself to create new habits while still being true to myself.”  
“I guess that makes sense,” she said carefully.  
“So Cooper can spend the night with his girlfriend, whereas Sheldon could not,” he said, although she could still see a hint of nervousness in his eyes. She hated seeing that uncertainty, so she smiled at him and squeezed his hand.  
“I like you exactly as you are,” she whispered. She raised their joined hands, brushed a kiss across his knuckles, and then rolled over with her back to him.  
“Good night,” she murmured. She didn't turn back toward him but held perfectly still as if she were already asleep. After a few minutes, she hear him shift, probably arranging his limbs into his mummy-like sleeping position.  
“Good night, Penny,” he whispered, so faintly that she wasn't sure she hadn't imagined it. Within a few minutes, his breathing became slow and even. In the dark, Penny smiled to herself. Just like a little baby deer... you've got to let him come to you, she thought.  


* * *

When she woke up the next morning, Cooper had already gotten up, and she felt a little disappointed. Apparently, she was going to have to teach him about spending the morning in bed together. After she got dressed, she headed down to the lobby, where she found him in the cafe, reading a newspaper.  
She grinned to herself at his complete absorption, and decided to take advantage of it. She leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Morning, honey,” she murmured before sliding into the chair across from him. When she looked up, he was staring at her. “Whatcha reading?” she asked, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. It seemed to take a few seconds for his brain to kick back into gear, but he eventually replied, “A collection of dubiously-researched articles written on a variety of inane topics at the reading comprehension level of the average fifth grader. In other words, a typical newspaper.”  
She rolled her eyes. “So I guess we’re going to meet up with the band today, right? We’re lucky; they’re only about five hours away.” She hesitated. “Are you going to tell them? About us, I mean?”  
He frowned thoughtfully. “I don’t think Cooper would use a phrase like ‘paradigm alteration’, so I suppose some sort of verbal acknowledgement that we’re dating would be appropriate.”  
Penny shook her head. “I think Jenna’s going to be unbearable for the next couple of days. When I told her only I could take care of you when you were sick, she thought there was something going on between us.”  
“You've taken care of me when I'm sick for the past eight years,” he objected.  
She frowned. “Why didn't you ever ask Amy to take care of you?” She hated bringing up his ex, knowing how much it bothered him, but she was curious.  
“You were the only one I trusted,” he answered. “I was always concerned that she couldn't control her libido if I asked her to touch my bare chest.” There was a slight hesitation before he said “she” instead of Amy’s name.  
“I was the only one you trusted?” She raised one eyebrow at him in a sardonic gesture. “Do you think that could carry over into other areas, like spending the night with your girlfriend?”  
“In retrospect, I suppose that illustrates a predictive pattern.”  
“Two nights ago, you practically dragged me into your bed,” she replied with a smirk. “Is that a predictive pattern too?”  
His eyes widened. “I’ll need more data to reach a definitive conclusion.”  
She laughed. “I think I can live with that.”  


* * *

After breakfast, they shoved their belongings into their bags. Actually, Penny shoved hers in a bag; Sheldon folded everything neatly, even the dirty clothes, while looking askance at hers.  
They drove most of the day, with Sheldon once again pulling that crazy trick where he listened to some lecture and talked to her at the same time. At one point, she found herself thinking that he was so scary-smart, it was no wonder he thought he was a different species. She still wasn't sure exactly what he saw in her, but his trust was something that meant a lot to her.  
They made it to their next venue a little before dinnertime. At the hotel’s reception desk, Sheldon glanced over at her uncertainly. “One… one room or two?” he asked.  
Her heart seemed to skip a beat as she saw him biting his lip. “I'd like to stay with you, if you don't mind,” she answered.  
He reserved a room for them with two queen sized beds. She wasn't sure why, and hoped he wasn't getting cold feet about whatever the hell it was they were doing.  
By this time, it was getting late, and Penny drove him straight to the club where the band was playing. They scarfed down some appetizers that were provided on the house. Then Sheldon hurried off to run through that night’s set before the club opened for the evening. With a sigh, Penny got out her laptop and was greeted by the sight of hundreds of emails in her inbox. Managing a band was not easy work. She wasn't sure how long she’d been sitting there, staring at her screen, when Jenna came up and perched on the stool beside her.  
“So… I hear you guys had quite the eventful time the past few days,” she teased.  
Penny’s head jerked up. “He told you already? What did he say? I knew that man couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it!”  
Jenna squealed and clapped her hands in a burst of ecstatic joy. “Oh my gosh! I knew it! What did he say? What did he do? Did he kiss you?”  
“Hey, no fair! You tricked me!” Penny cried.  
“I know, but…” Jenna shrugged, her eyes dancing. “I’ve been rooting for you guys ever since I found out you weren’t the ex, but you came after him, and you stayed. Come on, you must have been in love with him even then, at least a little.”  
“In love?” Penny’s eyes bugged out a little at that statement. “Holy crap, give us a break. We just got together. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he’s sort of a flight risk.”  
“Oh.” The brunette’s face fell as she recalled how he had come to be part of their close-knit group. “Is it a secret, then? ‘Cause I don’t think that’s gonna work.”  
“No, it’s not a secret, just... back off, okay? He doesn’t have a lot of experience dating. She was his first girlfriend, you know.” From the look Penny gave her, Jenna knew exactly who they were talking about.  
“Amy,” she whispered.  
“Yeah. He still flips if someone mentions her name.” Penny sighed and covered her face with both hands. “This is stupid, isn’t it? I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him. Oh, this is going to end bad, isn’t it?”  
Jenna laid a sympathetic hand on her arm. “We can all see how much you both care about each other. All I know is that he almost turned homeless rather than go back to her.”  
“I hope you're right,” Penny said. “Because it's already too late for me to back out. I'm crazy about him.”


	9. Chapter 9

“You sounded great tonight, guys. The audience really seemed to eat up the new number,” Penny said as the guys left the stage.  
Von ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks.” He shifted his weight and his gaze drifted past her, over her shoulder.  
Suspicion dawned on her as she looked at Ty and Eric. Ty quickly glanced away, and Eric gave her a flat stare that was almost hostile.  
“He told you, didn't he?” she asked, giving Cooper a none-too-friendly look of her own, not that it did any good. Call himself whatever he wanted, Sheldon still couldn't read facial expressions to save his life.  
“Hey, we're happy for you both,” Ty said unconvincingly.  
“Yeah, just… be careful, okay?” This was from Von, and as he slanted his gaze over at Cooper, she knew exactly what he was implying. He was the one who’d seen Sheldon hit rock bottom.  
Penny lifted her chin. “He means a lot to me, not that it's any of your damn business.”  
“Is there a problem?” Sheldon asked, finally cluing into the tension.  
“You break up, and it could be a problem,” Von answered.  
Cooper frowned. “To paraphrase what Penny said, that's none of your business.”  
“It affects the band, it is our business,” Von said. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Look, we like you, and we like her, so we're cool… for now.”  
The guys filed past her, leaving her alone with Cooper. Eric was the last, and he brushed by with a shoulder check just hard enough so she knew it was intentional. “Didn’t figure you for a groupie,” he said in a low voice. Then he was gone, leaving her gaping at his retreating back.  
“Sweetie, what exactly did you tell that about us?” she asked, her voice thin with stress.  
“I told them that we were dating, and that for the foreseeable future, we would be sharing a room.”  
She groaned. “Why did you tell them that?”  
He looked perplexed. “Previously, I shared a room with either Ty or Eric, depending on whether one of them had a female companion or just wanted some privacy. I thought it was appropriate to inform them that they would need to determine a new roommate schedule.”  
Penny winced. “Do you know what they're all thinking? They call you Monk for a reason, you know!”  
His eyes widened in genuine innocence. “What do you mean?”  
“Argh! I don't want them to think I'm this… this…”  
“Vixen?”  
She scowled. “Yeah, vixen, that's what I was going for,” she drawled sarcastically. “I don't want them to think I'm taking advantage of you.”  
“If we’re happy together, then our friends should be supportive of our decision.”  
“Sometimes it's not that easy, sweetie.” She gazed sadly up at her new boyfriend, the one with the identity crisis, who couldn't hear his ex-girlfriend’s name without cringing. The guy who was still a virgin but had just announced that they were sleeping together to all his friends, cluelessly unaware of what he’d implied or how that made her look. She straightened her back and raised her chin. She didn't need anyone to defend her; she could take care of herself. But that didn't mean that she was ready to tackle the awkward situation Cooper had unwittingly created. It didn't take much to convince him to slip out the back. As she drove them to the hotel, she knew their absence would be noted, perhaps commented on. She gritted her teeth, hoping their friends--his friends, it felt like now--weren't all thinking she’d dragged him away for a quickie. The tight-knit group had all but adopted Sheldon like a stray cat. While she appreciated their protectiveness, she thought it was overkill. The worst part was that for months, she’d been a part of that group, but now his naive blunder had made her an outsider again.  
They got to the hotel room, and Cooper pointed at the far queen-sized bed imperiously. “That one’s yours.”  
She slung her bag down onto the soft surface incredulously, and then in a fit of pique, upended her belongings onto the comforter. Clothes, shoes, makeup and toiletries tumbled out in a disorganized heap.  
He glared at her. She glared back.  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she snapped. She dragged her hands through her hair. “If you're going to change your mind about me, don't you think you could’ve done so before you told all our friends we were sleeping together?”  
The tension twisted inside her. She paced in the tiny room, eyeing the bottles of lotion and shampoo which would make excellent projectile weapons.  
“I haven't changed my mind,” he said, frowning. “Why would you think that?”  
“You've made me out to be… worse than Amy,” she said, and her voice broke. “No matter what happens next, I think they all hate me. The guys, anyway.” She sank onto the bed and buried her head in her hands. “Oh hell, maybe I should just go back.” She couldn't call Pasadena home any more.  
“I don't want you to leave,” he said, sounding panicked. His eyes were huge as he stared at her, and she wanted to cry. How had he turned her world upside-down so quickly?  
He watched her silently for a moment. “Perhaps it seems to you that I'm not as invested in this new paradigm, but I'm trying,” he said at last. “You know that Sheldon hadn't gotten anywhere near this point after years in a relationship with… her.”  
Penny's brow furrowed. She still didn't like when he referred to himself in the third person. Nor did she believe he could cast off his old life so easily. “I think it's good that you decided to change,” she said softly. “But you're still Sheldon. You can’t just turn off your love of physics and video games. You have to see that Cooper is just a more relaxed version of you.”  
He frowned and came closer. She patted the bed next to her with a hopeful smile. After a pause, he sat down, although still rather far away from the jumbled heap of cosmetics.  
“We shared a bed before,” she said in a reasonable tone. “For now, that's all I want.”  
“What about after that?”  
She shrugged. “We’ll just have to take things one step at a time.”  
He nodded slowly, then glanced around at the pile of her belongings. A spark of humor lit his eyes. “I suppose you'll want to share my bed, now that you’ve rendered yours uninhabitable.”  
She grinned back at him and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Is that an invitation?”  
To his credit, he only hesitated a moment before answering yes.  


* * *

Penny found herself in the strangest relationship of her life - not that she expected anything else from Sheldon/Cooper. For the first several nights they were together, he slept flat on his back, arms crossed over his chest, while she lay only a few inches away, feeling alone. Then one night, she woke up to the sensation of him gently stroking her hair. She held her breath, pretending to be asleep. This was the first time he had voluntarily touched her since they started sharing a room. She was disappointed when he withdrew his hand after a few minutes.  
The next day, Penny chickened out and worked from their hotel room. She wasn’t ready to see more of those accusing looks from their friends. After a couple of hours, there was a knock on the door. She guessed it was Jenna, and she was right.  
“Hey, what’s up?” she asked, trying to act casual.  
“Oh, don’t give me that,” Jenna whined. “I need details.” She sidled past Penny, who let her into the room with a sigh. Jenna’s gaze flicked over the pile of clothing on the bed that Penny had yet to pick up, then she glanced over at the other bed which was sloppily made. Penny had tried to drag the covers straight, but she really didn’t care that much. Now, she wished she had put a little more effort into straightening the bed. She had no idea what kind of wild night the disheveled bed clothes implied to Jenna, but whatever her friend imagined couldn't be further from the truth.  
“Come on, I’m dying of curiosity,” Jenna said, turning to face her. “The guys are too. They just won’t admit it… at least, not in front of me. How did you guys get together? Is he in love with you? And what’s he like in bed?” Jenna asked this last question with a conspiratorial grin and another quick glance at the rumpled covers.  
Penny shrugged one shoulder. “He really likes his privacy. I don’t want the guys giving him a hard time.”  
“Oh, come on,” Jenna begged. She flopped down on the bed. “I promise I won’t tell… anyone but Von.”  
“No, nobody. If I tell you anything, it has to stay just between us,” Penny said sternly.  
Jenna pouted. “Okay, fine. Start talking.”  
Penny shoved her laptop aside and sat down next to Jenna. “It snuck up on me, you know? Maybe it was obvious to everyone else that I wouldn’t go chasing him halfway across the country unless I had feelings for him. But I didn’t know until a couple of weeks ago. It was the day off we had in Twin Falls. I was wandering around, bored, when I heard piano music. He’d found a baby grand in the ballroom. The lights were dim, and the music was incredible, like something from another world. Then I looked at him playing, the way his hands touched the keys and how he bent over the keyboard. It was so intense. It was sexy. Suddenly, I understood a little better why he has girls throwing themselves at him every night. Then we started talking, and--”  
“And he told you he was going to propose to his bitch of an ex,” Jenna nodded.  
“Yeah. I mean, she wasn’t… well, maybe she was. I’m glad he got out before it was too late. Me too. I was engaged to his best friend, you know.”  
“You were?” Jenna asked, wide-eyed.  
Penny nodded. “I knew the whole time that I wasn’t really in love with him, but my friends kept telling me how lucky I was to have him. I guess I was trying to convince myself. Even on the night we got engaged, it felt so... forced. I ended up trying to reassure him that he was really what I wanted, but I know neither of us were convinced. Then he pulled this engagement ring out of his wallet, and even then, I didn’t realize what a red flag that was. He was so damaged, I think almost any girl would do; I knew he’d been carrying that ring around for years. It was actually Sheldon who talked us into eloping because we couldn’t set a date or agree on anything else about the wedding. I think he was just sick of hearing us fight all the time. So we hopped in Leonard’s car and headed to Vegas. Three hours into the trip, he tells me he cheated on me... two years ago, like that made any difference. I couldn’t go through with it. On the way home, Sheldon called to say that Amy broke up with him. By the time we got back, he was gone.” She shook her head. “He didn’t show it much, but he wanted us to be happy. I just don’t think he ever understood how hard I was trying to convince myself that I wanted to marry Leonard. And I wanted Sheldon to be happy too. I guess that’s why I kept pushing him toward Amy… although now I wonder what would’ve happened if we weren’t both trying so hard to push each other toward someone else.”  
“I think I know exactly what would’ve happened,” Jenna said with a gleeful smile. “It’s what’s happening right now. You’ve finally realized that you were hiding feelings for each other all along.”  
“He’s not your typical guy,” Penny began, and then stopped. Much as she wanted to confide in someone, she didn’t feel right telling Jenna that she and Cooper weren’t doing anything more than sleeping when they shared a bed. She switched tactics. “How come you weren’t mad when you found out about us? The guys sure were.”  
Jenna shrugged. “I think they got used to treating him like a little brother. They saw him as someone who wasn’t quite capable of taking care of himself, but the situation’s more complicated than that. He’s not deficient, and he’s able to make his own choices. I think you’re just the right person to take care of him without taking advantage of him. He made a smart choice.”  
Penny smiled. She thought Amy had been the intelligent choice for him, but for once, Sheldon was following his heart. She was going to go along with him as long as it lasted. She just hoped he wouldn’t wake up someday and wonder what he had ever thought he saw in her. At least Jenna was rooting for them. She leaned over and gave her a hug. “Thanks for sticking up for me,” she said.


	10. Chapter 10

Over the next few days, Penny kept a sharp watch on the other guys in the band. Ty and Von were acting as if they were cool with her dating Cooper, although every so often, she saw Von glance between the two of them with a hard, appraising stare. But if he was looking for some public display of affection, he might be waiting a long time. After five nights of sharing a bed with her, Sheldon still hadn’t done so much as try to kiss her. Instead, he had begun touching her when he thought she was asleep. He started with her hair. After that, it became a habit for him to stroke her hair, face or upper arms. She wasn’t sure if he could tell she was instantly awake the moment she felt his hands on her. In fact, she was a little turned on by his shy, night-time explorations, so she let it continue. She didn’t know whether to be appreciative or annoyed that he was a perfect gentleman, never allowing his hands to stray. But one thing was clear: he wasn’t nearly as asexual as she once thought. There were times when his breathing grew ragged; his hand would tighten on her arm or shoulder for a fraction of a second, and once she heard him say her name in a low voice that was almost a groan.  
That was what helped her to make up her mind. The next night when she felt him stroking her hair, she waited a few seconds and then whispered, “I’m awake, you know.”  
His hand stilled. After a long silence, he said, “I know. I’ve known all along. Your respiratory patterns are slower and deeper when you’re asleep.”  
“Does it make it easier, to pretend I’m asleep?” she asked curiously. It was a bit weird, but honestly, it wasn’t even close to the weirdest thing a guy had wanted her to do in bed.  
“No, but it does make it easier that you’re participating in the pretense that you’re asleep. That way, I know you aren’t going to respond. It allows me to control the interaction.”  
“You like being the one to initiate,” she said slowly, amused.  
Reluctantly, he replied, “I suppose you could say that.”  
She wriggled in the bed until she was nestled against his chest. “Well, this sleeping beauty wouldn’t mind if you got to second base,” she said, half-teasingly.  
He had flinched a little when her body came in contact with his. “Perhaps the classic fairy tale isn’t a good comparison. In the earliest versions of Sleeping Beauty, a king who is already married impregnates her while she’s asleep, and she wakes up alone to find that she has given birth to twins.”  
“Wow, that’s really creepy. But if you know I’m not really asleep, and I know that you know, then that makes it all right, doesn’t it?”  
Tentatively, he smoothed a hand over her shoulder blade. “I suppose,” he replied.  
She snuggled a little closer to him. “Any way you want to touch me is okay. I trust you.”  
“I… I’m not prepared to make a similar statement,” he confessed.  
“I wouldn’t do anything you didn’t want me to do. You trust me that much, don’t you?”  
She felt his chin brush the top of her head as he nodded.  
“I wish you would kiss me,” she said. “For now, that’s all I want. I know… I know you’ve done it before.” She’d even seen him kiss Amy once, and although she never would’ve told him so, it was the most awkward, passionless embrace she’d ever seen. The truly odd part was that for all Amy had longed for that physical validation, her body language had been equally detached. She’d barely touched him, perhaps for fear she might scare him away.  
He sighed. “I was motivated more by anger and frustration than any romantic interest the first time I initiated… osculation. Then it became routine, something Amy required of me at the end of every date. With you, it’s different. The action seems to bear some significance that I’m not certain I’m ready to face.” He paused. “I’m not that brave,” he added in a low voice.  
She tightened her arms around him in a little squeeze. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, honey,” she said. “Sure, running away from your problems wasn’t brave, but making a new life for yourself was. In that moment, when you made the decision to start over, you were brave… braver than I was. I was going to marry Leonard because I didn’t want to be alone. I wasn’t strong enough to be my own person until you gave me an example to follow.” She laughed bitterly. “I didn’t use to be like that. I changed so much, all to please him. I don’t want to be like that anymore.” She reached up and touched his cheek. “Be brave with me,” she whispered.  
He mirrored her action, caressing her face and leaning closer until their lips met. He tasted like mint - from his mouthwash, no doubt - and it was so perfectly him. Of course, she didn't passively accept the pressing of his mouth to hers. She wanted to draw out the deeply hidden male instincts she was sure he possessed. She teased and withdrew, urging him to follow her lead. For a moment, he tensed, but then gradually relaxed and began to respond. When he pulled back, she let out a sound that was both a whimper of pleasure and a sigh of disappointment.  
“That was perfect,” she breathed. He shuddered, and she loosened her hold on him in alarm. “Are you all right?”  
“I’m experiencing a sympathetic nervous system response. I felt that kiss from my head to my toes,” he added shyly.  
“Oh… good. That’s the way you’re supposed to feel,” she grinned. Sheldon had kissed her. She wanted to run up and down the hotel hallways and shout it to everyone in the building. Cuddling closer to him and putting her cheek against his shoulder was even better. She felt a rush of tender emotion, and she wished she could tell the world how much this crazy man loved her. Wait… loved her? He hadn’t said anything of the sort, and it was way too early in their relationship for that word. And yet the way he had both yielded to her and taken charge felt nothing shy of miraculous.  


* * *

The bed was empty when Penny awoke the next morning. That was par for the course; Cooper was still an early riser, while she still liked to sleep in. After breakfast, she usually found him in the common areas of the hotel, reading the paper or checking his phone. Once a month, he even made the obligatory phone calls to his family. Penny had once overheard him trying to convince his mother he hadn't gone off the deep end, just needed a fresh start. At the time, she had ached with sympathy for him and wished she could comfort him. No one should have their family question their sanity on a regular basis. She wondered if it was really all that different from the emotional neglect Beverly Hofstadter heaped on her own son. It was bizarre how Leonard’s mom was an award-winning psychologist, yet refused to acknowledge the damage she’d done to her own child. Penny shook her head. For years, she’d felt sorry for him, and still did. But she’d learned her lesson. No amount of love from a girlfriend or fiancée could make up for that loss, or prevent him from cheating in his endless quest for affection.  
She frowned, wondering if she was now re-enacting that drama with Cooper in a different form. Sheldon and Leonard were two damaged individuals, and she tried to rescue them both. As she stood there lost in thought, the door opened, startling her out of her reverie. She was enveloped in a swift hug from her new boyfriend, who had crossed the room in just a few lanky strides.  
Grinning up at him, she asked, “Did you forget something?”  
“I don't forget anything, but something was missing,” he answered. He trailed his fingers along her cheek and brushed a thumb across her lips. She felt spellbound, fixed in place by the simple caress. Then he lowered his head to hers and she rose up on her tiptoes to meet him, clutching at his shoulders.  
When they parted, he sucked in a sharp breath. “That is extremely stimulating… and distracting,” he added before she could respond to his first comment.  
She laughed. “Something tells me a genius such as yourself will have no problem figuring it out.”  


* * *

“Oh my gosh, look at you! You're like, glowing,” Jenna squealed in an excited whisper. Penny reflexively glanced around.  
“They're working through that new song up in our room,” Jenna said quickly, guessing her thoughts. “Just us girls. Now tell me everything.”  
Penny shrugged, but she couldn't keep the grin off her face. More than ever, she wished Sheldon hadn't accidentally set up this ridiculous situation where she felt she had to protect his reputation.  
She wished she could confide in Jenna, to talk over Sheldon’s sterile relationship with Amy and his newfound courage with herself. “Let's just say last night was amazing and leave it at that.”  
“Seriously, what's he like in bed?” Jenna pressed. “I mean, with his music, everything has to be just right or he can't deal. How do you make that work?”  
Penny smiled. “Promise me you won't tell anyone this, but he's actually very sweet and kind of shy… it's adorable.”  
Jenna craned her neck to look over her shoulder at Cooper. She tilted her head first one way and then the other. “I guess I can sort of see it,” she said at last, sounding far from convinced.  
“What about you and Von?” Penny asked. “You've been together for five years, right? You thinking about getting serious yet?”  
An odd look crossed Jenna’s face. “We’re as serious as we're going to get,” she muttered.  
“What’s that mean?” Penny asked, wrinkling up her nose in confusion.  
“His mom’s a huge political rights activist: women's rights, gender equality, all that stuff. So the first time I met her, she starts going off about how women need to self-actualize and saying marriage is a patriarchal form of ritualized slavery or something like that. I’d never really thought of it that way before. But I look over at Von, and he’s nodding like he believes it all too, so I just pretended to agree. I mean, I agree there is a lot of inequality in the world today, but I don't really have anything against getting married. I happen to think that Von would make a really good husband because he's so aware of all that stuff, not in spite of it.” She tugged at the neck of her shirt, pulling it down until Penny could see a date tattooed within a heart, positioned low on the left side of her chest.  
“This is the day that we met,” she explained. “He’s got a matching one. Hey, the way I see it, it's harder to remove a tattoo than get a divorce, so maybe this is better.”  
Penny nodded sympathetically. If she’d gone through with that stupid elopement, she could easily see how she and Leonard would've become another divorce statistic in a few years. They bickered all the time. He’d been clearly jealous of the fact that she earned more money, nor did he approve of how she spent it. The only reason she'd taken the job in the first place was because he made her feel inadequate. They kept secrets from each other, and neither of them respected the other. Penny remembered that when she was around him, her lips curled in a contemptuous sneer so often she was afraid her face would get stuck that way. She shook her head as if to clear away her gloomy thoughts. “Yeah, I think marriage is overrated. Too many people think it’ll fix all their problems when all it does it make things worse.”  
She glanced over at her boyfriend. Would he ever want to get married… to anyone? He told her at one point, he was going to propose to Amy, something she still couldn't wrap her mind around. He’d only ever wanted a relationship of the minds. Would he ever have been willing to have “coitus” with Amy, or would their marriage have been a source of constant frustration for her? Doubtfully, she looked back at Cooper, noting his total concentration on his music. Did the fact that he had kissed her really mean he had changed?  
“Penny for your thoughts,” Jenna said. Penny rolled her eyes at her friend, who grinned unrepentantly. “I've been wanting to say that for a while.”  
“I just wonder if people really can change, or if they always go back to the way they were.”  
Jenna followed the direction of her gaze. “You know, there's two types of people. There's the yo-yo diet kind, who keep starting over all the time but can't make it stick. And then there's those people who lose like two hundred pounds and get all buff and run marathons. They're each making their own choices, but for the first kind of people, the starting over and backsliding is a habit. The marathon runners make new habits and stick with them. Cooper seems more like the second kind.”  
Penny shook her head slowly. “I don't know. Could you give up the thing you loved most, the thing that got you out of bed every morning? For Sheldon, that was physics: trying to solve the mysteries of the universe. He's been away from it for months, longer than I thought he’d last. He stayed because you guys took him in, but I don't think it's going to last. Sooner or later, I think he’ll want his old life back.”  
“Where would that leave you?” Jenna asked shrewdly.  
Penny looked down and bit her lip. “Alone,” she whispered.  


* * *

Cooper allowed himself the barest flicker of a glance at Penny. She was talking to Jenna, and two women had been smiling and laughing together. He was relieved they got along so well, since he considered Von as an older brother. If he was truly honest with himself, he’d been missing a strong male influence in his life. He’d tried to cast Leonard in that role, but Leonard had always been too unsure of himself. Both their fathers had been absent from much of their lives, for different reasons. He wished he could ask Von for advice now. His feelings for Penny were so different from what he’d felt for Amy. He’d never been physically attracted to Amy. It had been disappointing when her stoicism toward him had morphed into a desire for a “normal” relationship. There was also the fact that Penny simply wasn't as smart as Amy. He used to think the future mother of his children should be a MENSA-level candidate, at the very least. The third thing he considered was how comfortable he was in Penny's presence. She sought out his company and made few demands on him. Of all the people he had ever known, she accepted him in a way even his own family hadn't managed. He never thought the third consideration would carry so much weight, but it did. Of all his friends, she was the only one who didn't think he was crazy for abandoning his anemic physics career to pursue other interests.  
After practice, he ducked out to find a quiet place to think. His strongest reservation to dating Penny was her lack of intelligence, but that was the only way in which Amy had been superior. He also had to consider the fact that he’d chosen to put aside a life of intellectual pursuits. He wasn't sure if he’d ever want to go back to Caltech and his theoretical research. While it had stimulated his mind, his fear of change had altered his life in ways he wouldn't otherwise have chosen. Such was the nature of his plans to propose to Amy. When he foresaw his friends abandoning him, he had decided it was time to secure her presence in his life. He had cared for her; at the time, he thought he loved her in a perfectly logical, rational fashion. Since he’d begun dating Penny, he was starting to suspect he’d never truly experienced love before, because the feelings he had for her weren't rational at all.


	11. Chapter 11

Penny slid a hand between the buttons of her boyfriend's plaid flannel pajamas - the ones she had come to hate. They were like a giant “keep out” sign, letting her know the boundaries Cooper had set. Sure enough, he reached for her hand and placed it gently but firmly by her side. She sighed. This “no touching” thing was getting old. He’d hit some kind of wall, as if kissing and cuddling were as far as he was willing to go physically. Talking about it was pointless; all he would say was that he wasn't ready. She was growing tired of him making her feel like some kind of child molester for wanting more from her boyfriend. It wasn't like he was a teenager; he was in his thirties, for crying out loud.  
As she thought about his behavior, she suddenly had an idea. “Honey, you know how you wanted to be a different person, Cooper instead of Sheldon?” She could feel his body tense and imagined he thought she was going to call him out on his hypocrisy. Instead, she went with a different approach. “So you’ve made some changes, like being a musician and the clothes you wear, and some things are still the same. Back in California, you always used to hate it when people made you late, and you still do.”  
“Yes, that’s true,” he admitted. He had relaxed and began absently stroking her hair again.  
“So I don’t know what the average age is for a guy to have sex for the first time, but you’re thirty-three. I think by anyone’s count you’re way behind schedule… really, really late. Like, fifteen years or more.”  
She heard a sharp inhalation as his hand stilled. After several seconds, he muttered, “Oh dear lord,” threw back the covers and turned on the lights. She squinted against the sudden brightness, watching in confusion as Cooper dug a legal-size notepad out of his backpack. Grabbing a pen, he sat down at the hotel desk and began writing rapidly.  
“Sweetie?” she asked. He merely waved a dismissive hand at her. She got up and looked over his shoulder to find that his paper was already half-covered with mathematical equations. She groaned, crawled back into bed and pulled the covers over her head.  
“Not exactly the reaction I was looking for,” she muttered sourly.  


* * *

The days began to blur together. As the band’s promoter, Penny was exceeding expectations, so their schedule was full. Summer was coming, which meant a flurry of festivals and outdoor concerts. She was hoping to leverage those contacts into a tour that might extend beyond the northwest: maybe Vegas or California. She wondered if Mind Games ended up in the L.A. area, if their old friends would come see them. She wasn't sure if anyone besides Leonard had even known about Sheldon’s musical background.  
While her professional life was booming, Penny’s love life had stagnated. Initially, she’d been thrilled by Sheldon’s willingness to kiss her so soon after they started dating. But despite his recent midnight calculations, they hadn't progressed beyond that. Worse, sometimes Cooper would declare he needed his own space. He still preferred a room with two queen beds so he could sleep alone if he wanted. Sometimes Penny felt she didn't want to be next to him either, if he was disinterested in touching her.  
Jenna had started to pick up on some of the tension, remarking that Penny seemed upset or sad. Penny deflected her friend’s attempts to get her to talk. She didn't know how she could begin to explain the web of deceit she’d created. Maybe Sheldon had been right; maybe it would have been better if they’d just explained… but no. She didn’t want either curiosity or pity from their friends. She doubted she could ever explain her relationship with Cooper in a way that would make sense to someone who hadn’t known him before. Her choices made her feel isolated, yet if she had to do it all over again, she would still make the same decision. He still mattered more to her than all of her friends, new and old, put together.  
Penny couldn't tell if Jenna had talked to the guys, or if they were just finally aware of the odd distance between herself and Cooper. Ty and Von started acting wary around her, like they thought she might suddenly start crying or having hysterics, although Eric didn’t let up with his scowling hostility. She’d never found the time to sit down with him and demand exactly what his problem was, and now she simply didn't have the energy to care.  


* * *

Cooper was carefully packing up his keyboard at the end of a practice session when Von walked over, rubbing at his neck. “Hey, hang back a minute, Coop, okay?”  
He frowned slightly, mentally reviewing the set in his head to see if he had made any mistakes, but of course, he hadn't. Maybe Von wanted his opinion on some of the new songs he was writing. That would be unprecedented, but he couldn't imagine what else he might want to discuss. So he nodded and said, “Very well.” He turned his attention back to his equipment, and so missed the significant look exchanged between Von and Ty as the larger man was leaving.  
When everyone else had cleared out, Von gestured to a chair. “Have a seat.” He chose to stand, pacing back and forth a few times. “Everything going okay with you?” he finally asked.  
“Apart from having to explain to my mother on a monthly basis that I am not, in fact, experiencing a psychotic break, everything is satisfactory.”  
“Is it?” Von cast a sharp look at him. “What about you and Penny?”  
“What about me and Penny?” he echoed, puzzled.  
“Look, it's probably nothing, but Jenna noticed it first, and once she pointed it out to me, it was obvious. Something’s bothering Penny… something’s not right. There's this tension around her. Stuff like that, if you let it fester, can get really bad. It's starting to affect all of us. You know, Eric thinks she’s just using you. God knows she's been good for business, but… well, you were here first. I want you to know we got your back.”  
“I don't understand what you're implying,” Cooper said cautiously. This whole conversation was making him very uncomfortable.  
“Just… if you’re gonna dump her, get it over with, okay? Quit stringing her along.”  
“You think I'm going to break up with her?” he asked, shocked.  
Von rubbed the back of his neck again and shrugged. “I don't know what you're doing, man, but you're cool as a cucumber, and she looks like someone shot her dog.” He swore under his breath. “I like her - we all do - but the band comes first.”  
Cooper looked down at his hands, wishing he had a whiteboard so he could attempt to make some sort of sense of human behavior. “I have no intention of terminating our relationship,” he said finally. “I know that we have some differences of opinion, but…” He broke off, knowing he could hardly claim their issues were trivial. Although it had taken far less time to get to this point, his relationship with Penny was mirroring the one he had with Amy. At some point, both women had wanted physical intimacy from him. While he now shared a bed with Penny and kissed and touched her far more than he ever had with Amy, it still wasn’t enough for her. He felt defective, and he wasn’t sure how to change, or even if he could.  
The silence stretched out until Von sighed heavily. “We all thought it was a bad idea, you dating Penny. Well, I guess Jenna was excited for you, but she always sees the world through rose-colored glasses. She thought the two of you had this bond that had deepened into true love, so she refused to see all the bad things that could happen if it went south. And now…” He shook his head. “It’s going south, man. Talk to her. Work it out if you can, and if you can’t, put her out of her misery.” Another sigh. “I’m sorry, Coop.” With that, he walked out.  


* * *

Sheldon left the room in a daze of confusion. He hadn't noticed that Penny seemed unhappy. Then again, he couldn't interpret facial expressions, so unless she came right out and said, “I'm upset” or “I'm angry with you”, he had no way to tell what she was feeling. He supposed he would have to ask her, although that prospect filled him with dread. What if she wasn't happy? Worse, what if she blamed him for it? What was he supposed to do?  
Over the next few days, he observed Penny carefully. He took copious notes about what she said and did, trying to find some rational explanation for her behavior. The only thing he could say for certain was that she smiled about forty percent less, compared to the beginning of their relationship. Von was right; Penny seemed unhappy, but he had no idea why. He supposed he would have to ask her, little as that thought appealed to him. When confronted with other people's emotions, he was often completely at a loss. Empathy was something he had never valued or attempted to master. He preferred algorithms and scientific principles, things you could prove with elegant equations.  
His phone chimed. He almost ignored it, but it might be a message from Penny. Maybe for once, the law of large numbers would work in his favor, and she would just tell him what was wrong and how to fix it. But it wasn't a text; it was a Facebook post, and it wasn't from Penny. He read it through three times before the phone slipped from his grasp. He rushed out of the room.  
In each hotel they visited, Sheldon could locate every whiteboard in the place. He took note of them the way some people counted emergency exits (okay, he did that too). In fact, he’d refused to stay at a few otherwise perfectly good hotels because of their utter lack of anything resembling a business center. This particular hotel had three conference rooms, and it was child’s play to break into one of them. The narrow room held a long table surrounded by a dozen or so chairs, and only one small whiteboard at the front. It would have to do. He picked up the marker. In the upper left corner, he carefully reproduced Amy’s Facebook post, drawing a line around it to keep it separate from his calculations. Then he began with a probability analysis. His first equation was the wrong approach; he could see it almost before he finished writing it down, but he just moved on to the next one. And when the whiteboard was completely covered with equations, he just moved over to the next blank space, filling it with numbers and symbols.  


* * *

Penny had been looking everywhere for her boyfriend, and she was starting to get worried. No one had seen him since the end of practice, and he’d missed dinner. She found his cell phone lying on the floor of their hotel room, and that was when she knew something was wrong. She systematically searched the hotel common areas. After almost an hour, she found him in a conference room, tucked away behind the hotel lobby. The instant she entered the room, she stopped cold. She knew what it looked like when he got stuck, and this was it. He’d crammed as much writing on the whiteboard as he possibly could. Equations ran sideways and curled around corners. Apparently, when he’d run out of space, he started using the walls. Formula and diagrams ran like wet ink across the tan patterned wallpaper. Penny's jaw dropped as she watched him scribbling furiously while muttering to himself.  
“Cooper?” she called. “Cooper!” No response. “Sheldon!” He still acted as if he didn't hear her. She walked over and touched his shoulder. He shuddered and turned to look at her slowly, blinking as if he had just woken up.  
“What's wrong? What happened?” she asked, feeling her stomach twist with fear.  
He shook his head and raised the marker to the wall again. She grabbed it out of his hand. “Damn you, Cooper, this isn't normal! Talk to me!”  
He blinked again and said in a hoarse voice, “I'm not insane.”  
“Yeah, but you're not normal either.” She spoke lightly, but her brow furrowed and her hands shook. She coaxed him into the hotel lobby and onto a sofa, half-hidden in a corner of the room. Once he sat down, she knelt beside him and began kneading his shoulders, unsurprised to find his muscles tense and knotted. He closed his eyes and accepted her ministrations without comment, with only the occasional grunt or moan as she dug into his stiff muscles. Eventually, he relaxed enough to end up lying back against her, his head heavy on her chest. She trailed the fingers of one hand through his dark, baby-fine hair. Penny's one leg was folded up awkwardly underneath her and going all pins and needles, yet there was nothing she would have done to disturb the fragile peace of that moment.  
“I made the mistake of checking Facebook today,” he said softly, eyes still closed.  
Penny's hand stilled. “And?” she prompted when the silence stretched on too long.  
“Amy posted that she's going away for the weekend with her new boyfriend.”  
Penny's heart seemed to seize up in her chest. She couldn't think of a thing to say. The image of him writing on the walls was one she couldn’t banish from her mind. Finally, she asked, “How does that make you feel?”  
“I don't know,” he whispered.  
“It’s only normal to still have some feelings for… for her.” She was going to say, your first love, but couldn't get the words out. “You were together a long time,” she ended, blinking rapidly to clear her blurring vision.  
“How can she do it?” he whispered. “How can she move on with someone else?”  
For a moment, Penny couldn't breathe. It felt like someone has squeezed her chest in a giant vise. This is it, she thought. This is the end, where he goes back to Amy and forgets all about… us.  
She turned her head so her tears fell on the sofa. “You should talk to her.” It was all she could manage to say. Letting him go felt like she was tearing away a piece of herself. She slid out from under him, mumbling some excuse, and ran.  
She ended up at a bar three blocks down from the hotel, where she pursued oblivion with a desperate intensity. No one approached her that night. Surprisingly - or perhaps not - no one seemed willing to hit on a woman plowing her way through a bottle of Jack with grim determination. She only left when the bar closed and made her way unsteadily back to the hotel. The room she shared with Cooper was empty; his clothes and suitcase were missing. He was gone. She sank down onto the floor and wept.


	12. Chapter 12

A loud pounding threatened to split her skull in two. Penny whimpered and covered her head with her arms. Gradually, the events of last night came filtering back. She shifted, wincing at her stiff muscles. She’d never made it to the bed last night; instead she’d cried herself to sleep propped up in a corner of the room. She stumbled toward the door. “Coming,” she called as loudly as she dared. Obviously, no one heard her as the knocking continued. She yanked open the door to find Jenna and Von standing there.  
“Penny… you look like hell,” Jenna gasped.  
Von cursed under his breath. “He dumped you.” It wasn't a question.  
Jenna swung toward him in shock. “Why would you say that? That's an awful thing to say.”  
Von kneaded the back of his neck. “Let's just say I saw it coming.”  
“What are you doing here?” Penny mumbled, wincing as her head throbbed.  
“It’s almost noon. Coop didn't show up for practice, and he's not answering his cell. We’re worried,” Jenna answered. “Do you know where he is?”  
Penny shook her head carefully, keeping her movements small so she wouldn't make her headache flare up. “I don't know, but I think…” Her voice broke. “I think he's gone back to California… back to Amy.”  
“Oh, Penny,” Jenna whispered in dismay, reaching out to pull her into a hug. With a jerk of her head, she motioned her boyfriend away. “I got this,” she mouthed as a sob escaped Penny's lips.  
“He left me,” she wailed. “He didn't even say goodbye. I knew this was going to happen...”  
Von lost no time in making his escape as his girlfriend led Penny back into the room, murmuring sympathetic platitudes.  


* * *

Living out of a suitcase had become second nature to Cooper. Even taking a plane or riding in a taxi were no longer the jaw-clenching nightmares they once were for him. So he was able to make his way to the nearest airport in Oregon and from there, to LAX and then Pasadena. He’d booked a hotel room online, feeling uncertain whether Leonard would want to see him. They’d exchanged texts a few times, but little more. Also, he had no idea if any of their old friends knew that he and Penny were dating. It wasn’t a topic he wished to discuss with any of the people who used to call him a robot, asexual, and dead from the waist down.  
His plan was to go to Amy’s workplace, since there was still a heavy element of doubt in his mind that she would agree to see him if he asked for permission. His palms were sweating by the time he arrived at the stolid brick building that housed the neurobiology research facility.  
“Do you want me to tell her you’re here?” asked the fresh-faced receptionist.  
He shook his head vehemently. “No, my visit is a surprise,” he told her truthfully.  
He made his way back through the corridors. He’d only been to Amy’s workplace twice before, but with his eidetic memory, he remembered every step of the way. At the door to her lab, he paused to compose himself before quietly letting himself in. Her back was to him, and her white lab coat, dark glasses and straight hair with ragged ends were a familiar sight. He rapped on the door frame, not wanting to startle her, although he eschewed his triple knocking pattern. She looked around, and her jaw dropped in surprise when she saw him. Her expression changed to one of bewilderment as she took in his appearance: the short scruff that Penny claimed was sexy, leather jacket, dark jeans and Chucks.  
“Sheldon?” she asked, and her voice was laced with incredulity. He nodded, giving her a moment to regain her equilibrium.  
“So it’s true,” she said and didn’t elaborate. “What are you doing here?”  
“I needed to talk to you. I saw your Facebook post.”  
Her brows and mouth pulled down in a habitual scowl. “You mean the one where I said I’m going away for the weekend with Bert? You’re too late. You no longer have any say over what I do. I’ve moved on, and I’m happy now with him. That’s something I couldn’t say very often when I was with you,” she added reproachfully.  
“I’m not here to attempt to dissuade you from going away with him or to win you back,” he replied.  
She frowned. “Then why are you here?”  
He hesitated. “When we first met, you and I were very much alike. We both had certain quirks, a rational outlook on life, and a complete disinterest in sex, dating or romance. You hadn’t even had a single friend before you met me.”  
Her frown deepened. “Thank you so much for reminding me how painful and lonely my life used to be… and yes, that was sarcasm.”  
He’d been fairly certain of that. Heaving a sigh, he realized that Amy wasn’t going to be cooperative. He decided he may as well just bluntly state the reason he sought her out. “I was hoping you could explain to me how you changed your perspective, and why.”  
Sorrow crept into her expression. “Bernie tells me you and Penny are together now.”  
“That’s right. She was the only one of my friends who cared enough to come after me.”  
Anger flashed across Amy’s face. “You abandoned me! You ran away from all your friends without a backwards glance! After all we’d done for you, you turned your back on us. Penny was a fool. Why should any of us have come chasing after you?”  
“You seem to have forgotten that you were the one to end our relationship,” he shot back. “Then you were too busy playing the victim and trying to garner sympathy for yourself to even spare a thought for my welfare. I thought we were friends, but I see that dating you destroyed the camaraderie which was the only thing I ever wanted from you. I thought you were Penny's friend as well. You even used to call her “bestie”, but when she did something you didn't like, you cut her off without hesitation.”  
“She abandoned me too!” Amy shrieked. “She made her choice, and I hope she suffered for it. You said you wanted to know how I could sleep with my boyfriend, and I hope that means you're making Penny as miserable as you made me for the past five years!”  
Sheldon shrank back, alarmed by her fury. She was right in one respect; he had been interacting with Penny in a very similar way that he used to with the woman before him.  
“Despite what you may believe, I was making an effort in our relationship before you dumped me,” he said in a low voice. “I’d even asked my Meemaw to send me the Cooper family ring.”  
Amy stared at him, dumbfounded. “You were going to propose? With all the problems we had?”  
“Clearly, it would’ve been a grievous error,” he said, his jaw clenching as he regarded her self-pitying expression. He wondered how he’d ever thought he loved her. “I doubt you would have had the honor to return a family heirloom if I’d given it to you. You're so obsessed with the idea that I've wronged you that you never even considered how you hurt me. I ran away. The idea of coming back here was so unpalatable I almost became homeless rather than return. Ultimately, though, I suppose you did me a favor. Without such drastic motivation, I never would've had the courage to break from the destructive patterns of my old life.”  
Amy’s face darkened with rage. “Go to hell, Sheldon!” she yelled. “And get out before I call security!”  
Through clenched teeth, he retorted, “I've already experienced hell when I was with you.” Then he ducked as Amy flung a test tube at him, narrowly missing his head. He beat a hasty retreat, having had the satisfaction of the last word and hoping to avoid any entanglements with burly security guards.  


* * *

Back at his hotel room, Cooper tried to regroup. He’d come looking for answers to his fear of intimacy. Perhaps an ex-girlfriend was the wrong person to ask. He picked up his phone and quickly composed a text to Leonard: I'm in Pasadena. Would you like to meet?  
He waited for over an hour, flipping through cable channels in a desultory fashion. Eventually, he turned the TV off with a sigh. He and Penny had been nothing but friends for months after Leonard started dating again. In theory, Leonard should have no reason to resent his old roommate. But Sheldon had rarely found Leonard to be a rational person. He wished his former friends could understand why he ran away, and how deeply the turmoil in his life had affected him. But he was beginning to suspect that, like Amy, they’d never cared enough to try to see things from his perspective. Feeling weary and unsettled, he reluctantly headed out to find something for dinner.  
The answering text from Leonard didn’t come until after 9:30 that evening. He was sure it was a deliberate snub, since it was half an hour before his old bedtime. It sounded friendly enough: Want to come over tomorrow for pizza & Halo? But he hadn't spent years Skyping with Beverly Hofstadter for nothing, and he recognized a passive-aggressive maneuver when he saw it.  
He deliberately showed up early the next evening. Leonard’s surprise was obvious even to Sheldon, and it only grew as he took in his friend’s new look.  
“Wow. You really have changed,” Leonard said at last. “I never thought I’d see the day anyone could get you to wear jeans.”  
Cooper glanced down at his outfit. “They’re just clothes, Leonard,” he said dryly.  
“Yeah, but you’re early, too. I mean, you used to love being punctual.”  
He shrugged uncomfortably. “I wanted to talk to you alone. May I come in?”  
Leonard stepped aside. Cooper walked into the living room, immediately noticing several changes. His old desk was still there, but it was now covered in a messy scatter of papers. There were a few new figurines on the bookshelves, and his textbooks had been moved to make way for several sets of anime DVD’s. He saw, with a pang of regret, that the apartment flag was no longer on the side of the refrigerator.  
“Is your new girlfriend a fan of anime?” he asked, gesturing toward the DVD’s.  
“Sarah? Oh, no, those are Stuart’s. I hope you don’t mind. He’s kind of been staying here. I mean, it made sense. He was living in that back room in his store with no access to a kitchen or hot water. It’s just temporary. If you’re moving back, I’ll tell him he has to leave.”  
Cooper shook his head. “No, that won’t be necessary.” He walked toward the couch, where he stared at his 0,0,0,0 spot for a moment before deliberately choosing to sit at the other end. He didn’t want to get comfortable. This wasn’t his home anymore.  
Leonard eyed him warily and then sat down in the chair opposite him. “What’s on your mind, buddy?”  
He hesitated. “I need to inform you that Penny and I are in a relationship.”  
Leonard’s face twisted, and he nodded. “I heard it from Howard. Bernadette’s kept in touch with Penny more than the rest of us.”  
“You began dating Sarah a few months before Penny and I altered the status of our relationship.”  
Leonard shrugged. “Yeah, I know, but… I feel like I don't know either of you anymore. The guy who was my best friend never would've swooped in on my ex. And Penny? Some part of me still thinks we're going to end up together.”  
Cooper frowned, trying to formulate an appropriate response to this remark, although he rather suspected there was no such thing. “I don't know what the future holds, but for now, she's with me. I was hoping you could help me with a personal matter regarding my relationship with her.”  
Leonard sighed and ran a hand through his unruly curls. “Boy, you don’t pull your punches, do you? Look, here’s how it is. Penny really hurt me, leaving the way she did. When she went running off after you and didn’t come back, I knew that there was something going on between the two of you. You were always so close. The only way I kept from being jealous was by telling myself you were like brother and sister. But the truth is, I always knew she didn’t love me as much as I wanted her to, and I admit it - I cheated on her. So if she makes you happy, then I forgive you.”  
“Forgive me?” Cooper echoed, frowning.  
“Yeah, for dating my ex,” Leonard said in exasperation. “That was what you wanted to ask me, wasn’t it?”  
By this point, Cooper had seen the error in asking Amy for relationship advice. He realized that Leonard was likewise too emotionally involved to be objective. So he nodded, fighting to keep the muscle under his eye from twitching. “Thank you, Leonard,” he meekly replied. It was a response that Sheldon would have given.  
Their conversation turned to more mundane matters, and Raj and Howard arrived a few minutes later. Surrounded by the familiar teasing and chatter about work, Cooper felt a strong sense of dislocation. He enjoyed seeing his friends, but he no longer fit into the mold of their expectations for him. He had grown, while they were still just as immature as when he’d met them, more than ten years ago. He was now certain that the answers he sought couldn't be found in his past.


	13. Chapter 13

On the second night of Sheldon’s absence, Jenna dragged Penny down to the hotel bar. She didn't ask if there was any news of the wayward boyfriend; the forlorn look on the blonde’s face told her everything she needed to know. She led Penny toward the bar. “Come on, girlfriend, we're gonna get wasted. It'll help you forget your troubles.”  
Penny looked doubtful, but it had been two days since Sheldon left (after his disappearing act, he was definitely “Sheldon” to her again). She'd left several unanswered messages on his phone, and then she forced herself to stop trying to reach him. He was an adult; he could take care of himself. That's what she kept telling herself, but she wasn't sure she believed it.   
They ordered a couple beers, and then Jenna drifted off to check in with Von, who was hanging out in the back of the bar, playing pool with Ty and Eric. When half her beer was gone, Penny glanced back, her surprise at being abandoned seeping through her dry-eyed misery.  
Von was on the phone, gesticulating wildly, and everyone else was clustered around him. She slid off her stool and wandered over. Von’s back was to her, and the rest of the gang were watching him intently, so no one saw her approach.  
“Damn it, man, how could you pull a stunt like this? We're your friends,” Von said angrily. With a sinking feeling, Penny suddenly realized exactly who he was talking to: Sheldon. Eight times - eight times she had called, and he couldn't be bothered to call her back. Instead, he’d called Von, as if she meant nothing to him at all… or maybe he didn't want to talk to her.  
“So send a freaking text,” Von was saying. “It takes like two seconds... Penny's been crying her eyes out, you know… She thought you went back to your ex, you moron! … You're a real piece of work, you know that? ... So that's it, is it? … You know what? You show up, then we'll talk.” Von ended the call and spun around, looking like he wanted to punch something. It was a rare loss of self-control for him. His face went slack as he spotted Penny standing there.  
“He’s safe,” she said. It was a statement, not a question.  
He nodded, and her vision thankfully blurred, obliterating the astonished looks from her friends.  
“Is he…” She couldn't get the words out to ask if he had left her for good. Jenna came up to her and enveloped her in a hug. Penny let her lead the way to the ladies' room where she could have a good cry in private.  
When she regained most of her composure, she went back to the bar, only to find Eric leaning against the counter, looking jittery and miserable.  
“Can I talk to Penny for a minute? Alone, please?” he added to Jenna. She narrowed her eyes at him before glancing at Penny, who nodded.  
As her friend moved out of earshot, Penny turned her attention back to the one band member who had never seemed to warm up to her. His long hair half-hid his face as he picked at the edge of the label on the beer bottle in his hand. Finally, he looked up, not quite meeting her eyes. “I owe you an apology,” he mumbled.  
Her nerves felt like they’d been scraped raw, and she wasn't in the mood to be generous. “Got that right,” she muttered as she motioned to the bartender for another beer. She’d lost track of how many she’d had; not quite enough to blunt the pain of knowing Sheldon had either chosen to contact Von or at least picked up his bandmate’s call when he'd refused to answer any of hers.  
Eric sighed and edged his way between two bar stools to lean on the counter, keeping space between them. “I have a cousin who’s… different. Cooper reminded me of him a lot. Jason always needs to have everything just so, all lined up and in order, or he flips out. He likes comic books, too. He's really smart about some things, but he never really grew up. Emotionally, he’ll always have the mindset of a twelve-year-old. He’s not really able to take care of himself or be completely on his own.”  
“You thought that’s how Cooper was, too,” Penny said softly. After years of putting up with Sheldon’s peculiarities, she couldn’t really blame Eric for thinking that.  
He tapped his fingers against the bar before he finally looked up. “Yeah, and then he got sick and stayed behind with you. Next thing we know, he tells us you’re sleeping together in that blunt way of his. I was pissed at you. It was creepy; at least, that’s the way it seemed. Then he up and ditches us all to go run after that bitch who did a number on him.” He shook his head. “Coop may be a genius, but he sure ain’t smart when it comes to women.”  
Penny blinked rapidly as tears threatened again. “I'm not smart when it comes to him either. I knew what he was like, and I got involved with him anyway.”  
He swept back the hair which had once again fallen into his eyes. “I know. I mean, I guess I didn’t know about him. I thought you were just using him. Then he left, and I saw that he really was capable of walking away anytime he wanted. And I can see how much you're hurting, so I guess I got it wrong. The only way he could hurt you like that was if you really cared about him - maybe even loved him.”  
Penny was quiet for several seconds. Eric pretended not to notice as she swiped her hand across her eyes. Finally, she nodded. “I think I really did fall for him. Maybe this is karma. Maybe I deserve this.”  
Eric raised his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”  
“Right before you met me, I almost eloped with my boyfriend. We’d had this on-again, off-again relationship for years. I wasn’t sure I really loved him, but I finally decided he was as good as it was going to get. I don’t expect you to understand, but my life kind of sucked, and he wanted me... wanted to marry me. Then when we were halfway to Vegas, he told me he cheated on me.”  
Eric’s eyebrows climbed toward his hairline. “Doesn’t sound like the kind of guy you’d want to spend the rest of your life with.”  
She blew out a breath. “He was Cooper’s best friend.”  
He gave a low whistle. “That's… Damn. So Coop being Coop, he's probably gone back and blabbed everything to your ex and…”  
“Broke my heart and burned my bridges all at once,” she murmured, knocking back the rest of her drink. She tipped a forefinger at the bartender for another. “I can’t go back now, but I can't stay with the band either. I don't think he did it on purpose. Just like the last time he ran away, he doesn't think about anyone but himself.”  
Eric sat silently for a moment, absorbing this information. He wanted to help, but he wasn't the type to offer false platitudes. “I had it all wrong,” he said at last. “I've really been a jerk to you.”  
“Yeah, you were,” she replied, putting the emphasis on the last word. “I don't need another jerk in my life right now, but I could use a friend.”  
He stood up and gave her a one-armed hug. “If Cooper doesn't know the kind of woman he walked away from, then he’s an idiot.” He pulled a twenty from his pocket and left it on the bar. “Next round’s on me,” he said, glancing over his shoulder at Jenna. She was by Penny’s side in an instant, having obviously been watching the exchange. She studied her friend’s face. “You good?”  
Penny managed a small smile. “Yeah, we’re good.”  
Eric gave them a nod and sauntered off.  
Jenna waved to the bartender, and a couple more beers appeared in front of them. Penny drained half of hers in a long swallow and felt the room start to sway. For months, she’d hardly gone out drinking at all, and her tolerance for alcohol wasn't what it used to be.  
“Did you know what was eating him?” Penny asked, with a nod toward Eric.  
Jenna’s face fell. “He doesn’t talk much, but I thought I had some idea. He always treated Cooper like he was special ed or something.”  
“Oh, he’s special, all right,” Penny muttered wearily. “Just not in the way Eric thought. You know what the worst part was? Not even doing what you all thought we were, not even close.” Immediately, she realized she had said too much.  
Jenna face wrinkled up in confusion. “What do you mean?” She looked at her friend expectantly.  
Penny blinked back tears. She was tired. Tired of keeping secrets and tired of being the girl who was never quite good enough to hold a guy's attention. “I know he told you guys we were sleeping together, and that’s exactly what was going on: sleeping and not much else.”  
Jenna’s jaw dropped. “I don't understand. Is there something wrong with Coop? Why wouldn't he… I mean, why would you…?”  
“Because I'm an idiot,” Penny said a little too loudly. She leaned closer and whispered, “And because he's a virgin.”  
Jenna’s eyes grew huge. “No,” she breathed. “That can't be right. I mean, he's like, in his twenties…”  
“Thirty-three,” Penny said tiredly. “He’s in his thirties.”  
“Wow. How could you… uh, never mind,” Jenna added quickly, seeing the misery on Penny’s face. “I mean, I guess that would explain some things about him. I just thought he was shy - you know, not really into PDA. Does he even… want to?”  
Penny sighed and looked down into her beer bottle as if she might find answers there. “You remember that girl who dumped him, Amy? Well, they’d been together for four years - five if you count the year they were just hanging out as friends. It took him three years to work up to kissing her. But the whole time, she was doing such a number on his head, you know?”  
“Mind Games?” Jenna asked with a sly grin.  
Penny snorted. “Yeah, exactly. I mean, she was so brainy, but Sheldon was her first real friend. Not first boyfriend, first friend. She just had no idea that she shouldn't twist him around like one of her monkeys--”  
“Monkeys?”  
“She was a scientist; made ‘em cry and then cut them open to study their brains.”  
Jenna made a face.  
“That's how she treated Sheldon, like he was a... you know, an experiment. She’d pout and frown and make him feel bad for liking trains or the way he dressed…”  
“So she was his first girlfriend, and he never wanted to go all the way with her?” Jenna said, finally seeing how Penny's rather jumbled story fit together.  
“Yup - and I would never, ever treat him like that. I hated what she did to him. Everything was always about her feelings, never about his. So I was waiting for him, even though it wasn't easy. And now he's gone, and I don't know if he's coming back or if we're even still together…” She looked away, biting her lip to keep from crying.  
“Did you hear from him? Did he break up with you?” Jenna asked, wide-eyed. “Are you going to break up with him? Is it because of the whole no-sex thing?”  
“Shut up before someone hears you,” Penny hissed, peering over her shoulder in alarm. “I don't want to break up with him. I love him. I just think he’s gotten tired of me, tired of the band, tired of traveling all the time. He’s really smart, you know.” She gestured expansively with her beer bottle. “Used to teach and do research at Caltech. He’s too smart to be with someone like me. Amy had a PhD; he has two. I couldn't even finish community college.” She sighed and lifted her bottle, surprised to find it empty again. “Just a matter of time,” she muttered. She blinked as Jenna’s outline seemed to blur and then lean to the side.  
“Hey, guys? A little help here?” Jenna called, grabbing Penny's arm before she slid off her bar stool.  
Von was by her side in a moment. “How much has she had to drink?” he asked worriedly.   
Jenna shrugged. “Some… not that much. Don't worry; she’s tough. She’ll be okay.”  
With a wave of his hand, Von motioned Ty over, who scooped up Penny as if she weighed no more than a feather. Jenna fished Penny’s room key out of her clutch and turned it over to Eric, who volunteered to help Ty get her settled in bed. Jenna watched the trio leave with a melancholy look on her face.   
“Everything all right, babe?” Von asked, slinging an arm over her shoulder.   
She smiled gratefully up at him. He had no idea how many secrets the band members had confessed to her over the years, and she had kept them all. It was just one more way she watched out for them. “Can we turn in early?” she asked. “I’m suddenly feeling very lucky to have you as my boyfriend.” She pulled his head down and kissed him deeply, making her meaning clear.  
Von gave her a smoldering grin. “I’m feeling lucky too.” He sauntered out with his arm around Jenna’s shoulders like a king surveying his domain.


	14. Chapter 14

Two days later, Sheldon walked onto the stage of the club where the band was setting up. It was mid-afternoon, and they were just starting to run sound checks. Ty’s face lit up when he saw Cooper, and he rumbled a greeting. Von and Eric watched him approach with matching frowns on their faces.  
Jenna ran up to him. “Coop! Are you okay? Why did you take off like that? Don't you know we were worried sick about you? And if you tell me you got back with your ex, I swear I will kick your ass from here to Toronto.”  
He halted, an expression of almost comic surprise on his face. “Worried about me? I told Von where I was.”  
“You left,” she replied. “You just took off without telling anyone where you were going, why you were leaving, or when or even if you’d be back. As a band, we were counting on you. As your friends, you really hurt us… especially Penny.”  
“She didn't really cry, did she?” he asked, shifting his weight from side to side. “I know Von said she did, but that was just a figure of speech, correct?”  
Jenna took a step back and put her hands on her hips. “You say you and Penny have been friends for years, but I'm starting to wonder how well you really know her. The two of you need to talk, and I think you owe her an apology.”  
“Where is she?” he asked, ignoring her advice.  
“In her room, I think… number 346.”  
He nodded and glanced over her shoulder where her boyfriend was waiting, pinning him with a hard stare. Following his gaze, Jenna looked at Von for a moment and then patted Cooper’s arm. She walked back towards the stage, pausing to whisper something in her boyfriend's ear. Then he walked purposefully toward Cooper and stopped in front of him. One hand reached up to massage the back of his neck as if he had a tension headache.  
“Okay, let's start with the stuff that should have been the most obvious: walking off like that was unprofessional. It's not okay for you to only show up when you feel like it. We took you on freelance, which means legally speaking, we can let you go anytime for any reason.”  
Cooper paled and looked at the floor. “I know I should have notified you, but I was rather preoccupied--”  
“I saw the room,” Von interrupted, his voice pitched low enough that only Cooper could hear. “Do you have any idea what I thought when I saw it?”  
Cooper immediately knew what he was talking about: the office space where he had covered the walls in equations. The dry erase marker absorbed into porous surfaces and was resistant to most conventional cleaners. “If the hotel management charged you for the destruction of the wallpaper, I will reimburse you.”  
Von stared. “Who the hell cares about wallpaper? I thought you'd lost it - I mean, off the deep end, certifiable, padded cell stuff.”  
“You mean you thought I was insane,” Cooper replied through gritted teeth.  
Von sucked in a breath and answered carefully, “I think you lost touch with reality for a while. Was I wrong?”  
“That's a generous assessment, and I suppose I may have experienced… a temporary lapse.”  
Von ran a hand through his streaked hair. “I shouldn't have yelled when you called. I knew it wasn’t the best approach, but this whole situation freaked me out so much. The only people I've seen act even a little like that were high. I know Penny says you don't do drugs, and I believe her. But you weren't in control that night. Something else was, and whatever it is, it's still got its hooks in you.”  
He was right. Cooper shuddered. He knew exactly what the problem was, but it had taken a severe crisis to lead him to seek help. Since the people who knew him best had been openly hostile, he wasn't about to bring up the subject again. “I need to talk to Penny.”  
Von looked away. “Okay. Yeah, fine. You should do that. Just.. we’re here for you, okay? If you need help, we'll do whatever we can.”  
Cooper nodded and after a pause added, “I appreciate your concern.” The words were difficult to say, but he felt he owed Von something after not meeting his obligations to the band.  
Vons eyes snapped back to his, and he held the gaze too long for Cooper's liking. “Sure thing, man,” he finally said.  
Feeling as if he had passed some sort of ordeal, Cooper quickly slipped out of the room.  
“What was that all about?” Jenna asked. Her eyes were full of concern as she linked her hand with her boyfriend's.  
Von shook his head. “Something's eating that man up from the inside. He won't talk, and I don't know how to help him. I'm just afraid he's going to lose it... I mean, really lose his grip on reality. I've never seen anything like it and... I'm scared for him.” He'd seen in the room with the writing on the walls, not long after Penny had coaxed Cooper into the lobby. After taking a long look at the incomprehensible equations, he had simply locked the door and pulled it shut behind him.  
Jenna put an arm around his waist. “He has Penny. She’s good for him, if only he could let himself trust her.”  
Pulling her close, Von nodded but privately, he was thinking life was rarely that simple.  


* * *

Cooper still like to knock three times. That was how Penny knew who was on the other side of her hotel room door before she put her eye to the peephole. For a moment, she couldn't move. She didn't know what to say to him and wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he had to say. He was leaving... or maybe just done with her. For the first time in her life, she’d started to feel like she really belonged. She had friends who genuinely cared about her, and this promoter thing was starting to develop into something that could be a real career. Besides Mind Games, she was now working for two other bands, and Eric had just put her in touch with some friends of his in a metal band. And now it was all going to fall apart. No matter what Cooper/Sheldon had to say, she knew their relationship couldn't continue the way it had been. There was too much tension. They were both frustrated with each other, and it didn't seem to matter how much she loved him. Finally, she steeled herself and opened the door.  
“Hello, Penny,” was all he said.  
Her eyes swept over his face, taking in his hollow cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes. “I'm glad you're safe,” she murmured in a low voice.  
“May I come in? We need to talk.”  
Her stomach clenched, and for a moment, the room blurred. She wasn't ready for this. She stepped back, allowing him entrance while she retreated to stand before the big plate glass window overlooking another high-rise. With her arms clamped around her midsection, she didn't look at him or say anything.  
“Unlike in physics, human relationships are difficult to quantify. Neurologists can describe exactly how neurons and glial cells function, but no one can explain how they give rise to consciousness, thought or personality. It's referred to simply as ‘the hard problem’. So science can't yet fully explain why people think or behave the way they do. I find it comforting when I can't understand other people… or even myself.”  
Although Penny didn't know exactly what he meant, she was sure hearing Sheldon talk about scientific theories wasn't a good sign - especially since brain science was Amy’s specialty.  
“Neurologists,” she repeated. “Did you see Amy?” She knew she shouldn't ask but couldn't help herself.  
“Of course. That's the reason I left, to talk to her about the paradigm-altering decision she made recently.”  
She swallowed hard, clasped her hands to keep them from trembling, and forced her voice to sound even. “So why did you come back? You didn't need to say goodbye in person. It's not like you've ever cared about treating people right before.”  
“I’m not saying goodbye. This is my life now, here with you.”  
With a bitter laugh, she shook her head and clamped her arms tighter around her body. “Until you get tired of it: music, travel, the band... me. This isn't you, and we both know it. One day, you're going to come out of your trance or funk or whatever the hell this is, and go back to your old life. Back to physics and whiteboards and sharing an apartment with Leonard and lining up your cereal by fiber content. You’re going to miss having everything in your life neatly ordered, because that’s part of who you are. You can’t change that. In that life, I’m just the annoying friend you barely tolerate. There’s no place for me in that life.” She turned to face him and waved her arms around in a wide, encompassing gesture. “This is just a nice little vacation from your real life, isn’t it? Maybe that makes me your summer fling. But I think it’s time to call it.”  
“Call it?” he asked.  
“Yeah, you know, like in those doctor shows on TV… time of death. The end.”  
The room seemed to dip and sway, and Sheldon found he couldn’t focus on her face. “Are you breaking up with me?” he rasped.  
She turned toward the window again, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist. “Let’s just say I’m giving you an easy out.” Her voice was level, but he could hear the tremor in her voice. One thing was clear - his actions had hurt her, every bit as deeply as Von had said.  
“I don’t want to break up with you,” he insisted. “Don't you understand why I went to see Amy? It’s because she was once exactly like me. She wasn’t interested in dating or romance or coitus. Over time, she changed. She came to want those things. I needed to ask her why she changed her mind - what motivated her. Unfortunately, our friendship didn’t withstand the termination of our relationship. She grew angry with me and threatened to call security.”  
Penny turned to look at him. “Why did you want to know that?”  
“Because I would like to experience those things - romance, love, coitus - someday. With you. I just don’t know how to… to relinquish control. I need more time. Don’t give up on me.” His voice actually cracked as he said those last words.  


* * *

This was a mistake. Penny knew it, but her resolve wavered as Sheldon begged her to give him another chance. Slowly, she pivoted toward him. Tears streaked her cheeks as she slid her arms around his waist and hid her face against his chest. “I won’t give up on you, I promise. I’ll always be your friend.”  
He looked stricken. “We're more than friends. Aren't you my girlfriend?”  
Abruptly, she let go and turned away from him again. “No. You never asked… and don't you dare ask now,” she added with an edge to her voice that made him shrink back.  
“You're angry with me,” he said quietly.  
For half a second, she was proud of him. He really had changed. A year ago, he wouldn't have had a clue what she was feeling. Two years ago, he wouldn't have cared. It didn't matter that he hadn’t correctly interpreted her emotional state; he was trying, and that counted for something.  
“I’m not angry. I’m hurt and confused and frustrated. I don't know if we're compatible at all. Maybe the smartest thing to do would be to just call it quits now.”  
She felt his hands close around her shoulders and let him turn her around to face him. He kissed her, gently at first but then with desperation as the tears coursing down her cheeks dampened his face as well.  
He wiped away the moisture on her face with his thumbs and looked at her, troubled. “I don't understand how you can be standing right in front of me and yet be so unreachable.”  
"I need to think. I just need some time alone,” she replied. “Please leave.”  
He looked frustrated and hurt himself as he stared down at her. Finally, without a word, he turned and walked out.  
After he left, Penny allowed her tears free rein. It would’ve been easier to just make a clean break of it then, to stop prolonging the inevitable. But she’d taken one look at the hurt, little-boy-lost expression on his face and couldn’t do it.


	15. Chapter 15

“This is exactly what I was afraid of,” Jenna said under her breath when she saw Cooper the next morning. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked lost. He glanced around the hotel breakfast area, seeming even more withdrawn than usual. His gaze skidded past his friends as if they were strangers.  
She turned to Ty. “It's starting all over again. The infighting, the tension… the band went through all that only a year ago. I don't know if I can go through it a second time. There's so much more at stake now.”  
Ty shook his head and clapped a huge hand on her shoulder. “This ain't the same thing at all, sister, and you know it. Coop don't even look mad, and we know Penny's just at the end of her rope. Maybe all you gotta do is go work some of your magic.” He wiggled his fingers toward Cooper like he was casting a spell.  
She sighed. “I’ll have to tread carefully. Penny thinks she's not good enough for him, and she's scared he’ll leave her. But I can't tell Cooper that, because that would be betraying a confidence.” She stared fixedly at Ty until he nodded.  
“Right.”  
She cast a skeptical look at him, but she'd dropped as big a hint as her conscience would allow. With a sigh, she said, “You talk to Coop; I’ll deal with Penny.”  
She walked off, and Ty rumbled a few choice curse words under his breath. He wasn't good at talking to people. That was Von’s specialty, but he had no idea where his friend was. It seemed like everyone had been tense lately, like it was something in the water, as his mom liked to say. He got up and walked over to Cooper. “Yo, Coop,” he greeted him. He hadn't called the man “Monk" since he started sleeping with Penny.  
Cooper stared at him for an uncomfortably long time before responding with a curt good morning.  
Hell, how was a fella supposed to start a conversation with that? Ty wondered, but he couldn’t blame Cooper when his own greeting had been even more succinct. He eyed his enigmatic friend appraisingly. “You don't look so good, my man. You in the dog house with Penny?”  
“If by that expression you’re asking if we are maintaining separate accommodations, then the answer is yes. She's not certain she wishes to continue our association.” Cooper moved toward the buffet, examined the offerings and turned away with a grimace.  
This was not a good sign. Cooper liked his schedules and routines, and he always ate breakfast at this time. “Is it ‘cause you left?” Ty asked as quietly as his deep voice would allow. With one foot, he hooked the rung of a chair and pulled it out, indicating Cooper should sit. He did so with a sigh, and Ty sat across from him on the other side of the table.  
“That's partly accurate,” he finally answered. “She's displeased that I left without telling her, but also because of whom I went to see: my ex-girlfriend, Amy.”  
Ty sat up a little straighter. Cooper kept details of his past close to the vest. All Ty really knew was that he’d dated this woman Amy for a long time, and then almost became homeless rather than go back and face her. “You still have the hots for her?”  
Cooper fastened his eyes on the table in front of him and shook his head. “I thought perhaps we could still be friends, but she made it clear she carries a good deal of animosity toward me for the way I left. I hoped she would give me some advice in my relationship with Penny.”  
Much to his surprise, Ty began to chuckle and then laugh, throwing his head back. He attracted the notice of everyone in the dining area. Cooper squirmed uncomfortably. He’d never gotten used to being the center of attention in a crowd of people. Finally, Ty actually wiped tears from his eyes. “You really went back to that bitch of an ex for advice about your new girl? How's that workin’ for you?”  
Cooper mulled it over. “In my thirty-three years of life, I’d never met someone more like me than Amy. She should have been able to understand my dilemma.”  
Ty shrugged. “Mebbe so, but that don’t mean she wants to.”  
Cooper sighed. “No. I was forced into a hasty retreat before she had me evicted from the premises.”  
“Look, man,” Ty leaned forward as if imparting a great secret. “Penny loves you, but you really freaked her out when you took off like that. She thought you left for good. Whatever’s wrong, mebbe you should talk to her instead of your ex.”  
Cooper sighed. “Talking isn’t the problem. Action is.” With that, he clammed up. Ty didn’t know how to get any more details out of him and fervently wished Jenna hadn’t taken off.  


* * *

Penny opened her hotel room door to a soft knocking. She already knew it was Jenna standing on the other side.  
“You look terrible. Are you okay?” Jenna said as soon as Penny opened the door.  
She stepped aside to let Jenna inside. “Not really.” She plopped down on one bed, and Jenna sat on the other one a few feet away. “We talked, but there’s just no getting around the fact that we have almost nothing in common. We see the world so differently that I don’t know how we can keep going. He says he doesn’t want to break up, and I get that, but… he’s brilliant. I mean, right up there with Stephen Hawking brilliant, and that genius comes with a price. He can explain anything in the whole universe with math, but he doesn’t understand people. He’s never wanted to be normal his whole life, so he doesn't understand why I want a normal boyfriend.” She sighed. “That's it in a nutshell: I’m normal, and he's not. Maybe he really is a different species.”  
“I think he's just scared,” Jenna said softly. “We’ve all seen that he doesn't deal well with change, and you're asking him to take a big step. Obviously he's got some hangups about sex, or else he wouldn't still be a virgin.”  
Penny nodded. “Yeah… I think you’re right. I just don't know what to do about it. I told him I need time to think, but to be honest, I can't keep this up much longer. It's killing me. I'm crazy about him, and he just wants to keep me around like some damn security blanket.”  
Jenna touched her arm. “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”  
She thought for a moment and then nodded. “I need to figure out what I'm going to do next. I really love being a music promoter. I could go back to L.A., but Seattle's also a great place for the music scene. Maybe you can help me find a place to stay there. Plus, you guys could stop by whenever you're in town.” Her tone of voice was upbeat, even cheerful, but her eyes glimmered with unshed tears.  
“Von and I know a bunch of people in Seattle. We can definitely ask around and see if any of them know about a cheap place for rent in a decent neighborhood.” Jenna’s eyes were full of regret as she said this. Impulsively, she reached out and hugged Penny. “I hope you can work things out with Coop. I don't want you to go. I’ve never been on the road with a woman I’m such good friends with.”  
Penny wrapped her arms around Jenna. For a moment, she closed her eyes and let herself be comforted by sharing a burden with a friend. When she drew back, her mask of cheerfulness was once again firmly in place. “Cooper needs you - all of you. As great as it's been touring with the band, I'm tough. I can survive on my own.”  
“You sure about that?” Jenna asked softly, but she didn't say anything else.  
The next day, the glances the guys cast Penny's way were wary. Even Eric seemed uncomfortable with the situation, although he at least ambled over to say hi. Cooper seemed oblivious to the tension in the air, although he watched her carefully. After practice, he came over and talked to her for a few minutes about nothing in particular. She tried to keep the tone of their conversation casual: friendly, with an emphasis on the word friend. But that evening, she lay alone in a bed meant for two and felt his absence like a severed limb.  
She hated this limbo state of existence. As the days passed, she held back from Cooper, never making a move to touch him. Over the course of a few weeks, he only kissed her a handful of times. Their relationship was grinding to a slow halt, and it was killing her. She would look at him, head bent over his music or talking animatedly with Von, and wonder what he was thinking and if he too felt the distance between them. Then her thoughts would inevitably turn to the reason that she didn't just leave. She’d fallen for him; she was crazy about him; maybe the “L-word” might even apply. But he didn’t love her. He didn’t even seem aware of how much she’d pulled away. Hell, he might even prefer it this way - a cold, distant relationship with little physical affection. One thing was for sure, she couldn’t live like that. She was angry with herself for being so wishy-washy about the whole thing. Considering her history with Leonard, maybe she was no longer the confident, optimistic woman she’d once been.  


* * *

Jenna watched the whole situation in mute misery. She’d begged Penny to let her the truth about Cooper. Maybe if the guys knew the real reason Penny and Coop weren’t sharing a room any more, they’d be more patient.  
But Penny had flatly refused. “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but ever since puberty, people have either labeled me a slut or a bitch… sometimes both at the same time. So I don't care what people think of me. It’s absolutely none of their business,” she insisted, and so Jenna reluctantly continued to keep their secret.  
Of course, that promise wasn't relevant to the one person besides Penny who knew exactly what was going on - Cooper. Jenna knew instinctively he didn’t have any idea what the other guys thought about Penny. So she decided to confront him.  
Cooper welcomed her with that pleasant, not-quite-a-smile expression on his face that he reserved for people he trusted. “What can I do for you, Jenna?” he asked formally, clasping his hands behind his back.  
Jenna glanced around at the bar where the band had just finished setting up. “Come over here,” she instructed, pulling on his sleeve. He followed her to a smaller room set up as a private lounge.  
She began, “I want to talk to you about Penny. I don’t think you’ve noticed, but she’s having a hard time, and it’s all because of you.”  
“Me? What is it you think I’ve done?” he asked, surprise evident in his voice.  
“You were sleeping with Penny, but now the two of you aren't sharing a room anymore. Penny told me the real reason, but she swore me to secrecy. So I can’t tell anyone, not even Von. You have to do something. Please, if you really love Penny, don’t let her take the blame.”  
“Love?” he echoed in surprise.  
Jenna nodded. “Maybe you haven't said it to each other yet, but she's in love with you.”  
He shook his head. “No, she isn't,” he said emphatically.  
“I think I’m better at reading people’s emotions than you are. And Penny’s been far more honest with us than you’ve been.”  
“What! I haven't been lying!” he cried, feeling his face grow hot. “I'm incapable of it.”  
The look she gave him made him want to curl into a little ball and hide. “So your real name isn’t Sheldon? And it's not true that you've been sleeping next to your girlfriend for months but can't bring yourself to touch her? She was wasted when she let it slip you're still a virgin. You're saying she was just making it up?” Jenna shook her head in disgust. “I thought you were better than that. I can't believe all this time, you've let her take the heat for your hangups. You think this has been easy for her? You let everyone think you were sleeping together when you weren't - at least, not the way she wanted. Then you freaked out and ran off after your ex-girlfriend. Now you're back like you never left, and she's just trying to keep some distance so you don’t break her heart again. She’s hurting, but she's still trying to protect you. Letting all the guys be pissed at her because they think she's holding out on you.”  
Cooper frowned. “Holding out?”  
She shot him a hostile look. “Withholding sex, to punish you.”  
“Of course she isn’t. She said separate hotel rooms would cause less frustration for both of us.”  
“Oh yeah? Tell me exactly how it’s frustrating for you, Coop, because from where I stand, she's the one who's taking heat from both sides.”  
He recoiled from the flare-up of Jenna’s anger. “I didn't choose to be as I am, averse to intimacy,” he said quietly. “In many ways, I'm truly not like other people. I don't think like they do. The reason I left to see Amy was because she was like me. At one point in her life, she was completely disinterested in coitus. I wanted to ask her how she had overcome that obstacle. Unfortunately, she hadn't forgiven me for leaving and was in no mood to advise me.”  
Jenna stared at him. “Dating advice from the ex who almost drove you over the edge? What the hell ever made you think that was a good idea?”  
Apparently, the general consensus was that an ex-girlfriend was the last person to approach for romantic advice. He made a mental note of it, but that didn't help him solve his dilemma. “My situation has nothing to do with intelligence. It's a... psychological matter,” he said defensively.  
Jenna’s face fell. She knew about the room covered in equations and had been listening to her boyfriend's concerns about Coop’s mental health for weeks. She hoped she hadn't gone too far in her defense of her friend. “I'm sorry about that,” she said gently. “I just get so worked up seeing Penny take the blame for all of your… challenges.”  
He nodded thoughtfully. “That, at least, is a situation I can resolve. Excuse me.” He stood and walked out of the room, leaving her staring after him in bewilderment.


	16. Chapter 16

An hour later, three men assembled in the hotel bar downstairs, summoned by identical, simultaneous and mysterious texts on their phones. They found Cooper waiting for them. Much to their surprise, there was a shot glass full of a clear liquid sitting on the table in front of him.  
Von’s eyebrows shot up. “Hey man, are you okay? I’ve never seen you drink before.”  
“I understand that social protocol dictates that I offer to pay for whatever alcoholic beverages you might wish to consume."  
The men exchanged glances, noticing that Cooper’s speech had become more formal.  
“Depends on what you hafta tell us, I guess,” Ty rumbled.  
“Something to do with Penny?” Eric muttered uncomfortably.  
Cooper nodded.   
“Can't let a friend drink alone,” Ty finally said with a shrug and waved the waiter over to order three beers.  
“So what's on your mind?” Von asked after their beers arrived.  
With a grimace, Cooper picked up the shot glass, hesitated, and then tossed back the drink. Immediately, he began coughing. “Vile stuff… I don't know why anyone likes drinks that burn,” he choked out.   
Eric’s lips twitched as he tried not to laugh.  
Von shot a quelling glance at him. “So… about Penny?” he prompted.  
“Yes. In order for you to understand my situation, I need to tell you about my life before we met. I worked as a theoretical physicist at Caltech. I hold two PhDs as well as three other baccalaureate degrees. I’ve never related well to other people or had many friends, but I never cared to, either. My life was strictly regimented. A minor deviation disrupted my whole day. Bigger changes elicited a more severe reaction.”  
He glanced up to gauge his friends’ responses, but no one was frowning or yelling. The only person who spoke was Von, who encouraged him, “Go on.”  
“I shared an apartment with Leonard, a fellow physicist who became my best friend. When Penny moved in across the hall, he was immediately infatuated. I didn't think he had a chance with her, but she was much kinder than one would assume a woman of her beauty would be. They went on a few dates, but nothing ever came of it… until three years later. I had secured a prestigious research grant, a once in a lifetime opportunity. I asked Leonard, Raj and Howard, my three closest friends, to collaborate with me. The working conditions were rough. We lived in a tent above the Arctic circle in subzero temperatures for three months, looking for evidence of slow-moving monopoles. If I’d found any, it would have proven string theory, a discovery on par with Einstein's theory of relativity.”  
“E equals MC squared?” That came from Eric, and Cooper nodded, pleased.  
“Einstein… you serious?” Ty rumbled. The whites around his eyes were showing, and Cooper guessed that was a look of surprise.  
“I have an IQ of 187. It was my life's dream to win the Nobel Prize for physics.”  
“Daaaamn,” Von drawled. “Sorry. It's just… we knew you were smart, but we had no frickin’ clue how smart.”  
Cooper acknowledged the compliment with a nod. A bottle had materialized in front of him. Hoping it would help him say what he needed to, he picked it up and drank deeply, hardly noticing the unpleasant taste. “The research trip was a failure - not because I didn't prove my hypothesis, but because my friends tampered with my experiment to make me believe that I had. I thought I’d made the greatest scientific discovery of the twenty-first century. I was certain I was going to win the Nobel Prize for physics, and then no one could ever make fun of me again. Instead, they allowed me to announce to the international scientific community that I had proven string theory, and only afterward told me about their prank. My professional reputation was severely damaged. My coworkers mocked me on a daily basis, and I barely maintained the grants I needed to continue my work. I was sidelined while my friends suffered no repercussions. Two of them have even experienced important milestones in their careers.  
“Penny found out what happened and forced the three of them to apologize. She began a relationship with Leonard shortly afterward, having no idea of the far-reaching consequences of that cruel trick on my career. She urged me to start dating a neurobiologist whose intelligence I appreciated. Penny wanted to be an actress, but she was also struggling with little to show for her efforts. A few years after my downfall, she finally landed what she considered to be a significant role, only to have her part cut. It was the nadir of her career - the lowest point - and that's when she proposed to Leonard. As she was intoxicated at the time, he didn't immediately accept, but they agreed to become engaged shortly afterward. Leonard always said he fell in love with her from the moment he saw her, but Penny was wary of commitment. They bickered frequently and didn't have any common interests. I grew tired of their fighting and sat them down to mediate. In the course of the conversation, they decided the best way to solve their quarrels was to elope to Vegas. I knew when they came back married, everything would change. After they left, Amy came to see me. Although now I don't believe I was truly in love with her, I didn't know that at the time. I cared for her deeply and had decided to propose. To my shock, Amy told me she found me tiresome and emotionally draining, and then ended our relationship.”  
“All those changes, bringing so much chaos and instability… I couldn't cope with it. So I left. It wasn't the first time I’d tried to run away from my problems, but this time, I couldn't go back. I got mugged - that was actually a common occurrence when I ran away - so I had no money. I couldn't pay for food or accommodations, but I was so adrift that none of that mattered. I’d found a music store and when I was playing, I could channel everything I was feeling into the music. But by the third day, my appearance had become unkempt, and the manager refused me entrance to the store. That was when Von found me. I don't know what I would've done if it hadn't been for him. I suppose I would have slunk home as a complete failure. Instead, I started a new life with new friends.”  
“Wow, that's some crazy-ass story,” Eric commented as Cooper fell silent.  
Ty glanced at him with a subtle shake of his head. “It musta taken a lot of nerve to tell us that. You know we got your back, man. You're right - you ain't just part of the band, you're our friend.” He clapped Cooper on the arm with one huge hand, a gesture that almost toppled the thin man from his chair.  
Von grinned. “Careful, man, you know Coop don't drink.”  
Cooper looked down to discover that the bottle in his hand was half-empty. He deliberately took another swig. He was going to need it for the next part of his story. “There's more,” he told them. All eyes turned his way, and he took a deep, steadying breath. “You know I’m rather... fastidious.”  
Ty cast a questioning glance at Eric, who stage-whispered, “Neat freak.”  
Cooper nooded. “I’m also mysophobic. That means I have a fear of germs. I avoided physical contact with other people as much as possible. I didn't even like to shake hands. So when I had a girlfriend… we dated for four years before I kissed her. To be honest, I didn't find it all that stimulating. We continued to do so at Amy's insistence, but it was always something I endured rather than enjoyed. I came to the conclusion that I was most likely asexual, since I’d never been particularly attracted to either gender… although I did find Penny to be aesthetically pleasing.”  
“He thought she was hot,” Von interpreted with an eyebrow wiggle that reminded Cooper of Howard.  
“So Penny was your first?” Eric asked in slack-jawed astonishment.  
Cooper deliberately downed the rest of his drink. “No… not in the sense you mean. I’m a virgin, and an extremely inexperienced one at that. It's been a huge step for me to share a bed with Penny, but we haven't done much more than kiss. I never minded being different from everyone else until I started a relationship with Penny. I don't know why I'm so apprehensive about a simple physical act. I even went to consult Amy, since she was once as disinterested in coitus as I was. You all know how that went.”  
There was silence around the table.  
“So don't you, you know... want to?” Ty eventually asked.  
For once, Cooper seemed to understand what his friend refused to say outright. “I care for Penny deeply. I want to make her happy, but something is holding me back. I don't want to cause her distress. She already tried to end our relationship,” he confessed, eyes fixed on the empty bottle in his hands. “She said she was giving me an easy way out. I think I convinced her to postpone her decision.”  
“She wants to break up because you're not ready to have sex with her?” Von questioned, frowning.  
Cooper’s brow furrowed in a mirroring grimace. “No, she thought I was going to resume my relationship with Amy.”  
“Didn't you tell her that was never gonna happen?” Eric cut in.  
“Well, no, I…” Cooper shook his head, trying to focus. “She knows that.”  
“I’m not so sure about that,” Von frowned. “The past few weeks, she's looked like hell. I thought it was because you two were fighting, but maybe she's just in a bad place. You haven't given her much reason to think you have a future together.” A distant look crossed Von's face. “That's important, you know - a future together,” he said quietly, as if to himself.  
Eric added, “She found you when you lost your way. She left behind her job, her friends and her home and didn't seem to expect anything more than to make sure you were okay. I think maybe she loves you. If you can't trust her, then who?”  
“I guess sayin’ do what comes natural ain't gonna help you much,” Ty suggested in his gravelly voice. A buzzing noise sounded. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, swiped at the screen and put it away again. It started buzzing again almost immediately. After another glance at the display, his face went blank. “Sorry, man, I gotta take this,” he said as he skillfully maneuvered his bulk out from under the table without spilling anyone’s drink.  
Cooper cast an agonized glance at Von, who winced and rubbed at the back of his neck. “If you’re sure you don’t ever want to have sex, then you have to tell Penny. Don’t lead her on. I can’t really imagine what it’s like for you, to not be interested in sex at all. I mean, when I was a teenager, I could hardly think of anything else.”   
He glanced over at Eric, who shrugged and then cautiously asked, “Are you sure you’re interested in women?”  
“Yes,” Cooper shot back with a furious scowl. Then in a voice so low that both his friends could barely hear him, he admitted, “I’m just... afraid of losing control.”  
With execrable timing, Ty lumbered over and sat down heavily in his chair. His face was ashen.  
“What gives?” Eric asked, leaning forward intently.  
“That was my sister calling. Momma just had a stroke. They’re taking her into surgery.” Ty sounded dazed, and his eyes darted wildly around the room.  
Eric and Von exchanged glances.  
“You’ll be there when she wakes up,” Von promised. He pulled out his phone and started tapping away at it. “You got money for a plane ticket?” He was stopped by a hand on his arm and was shocked to see it was Cooper’s. He slid his hand away fast enough but said a bit unsteadily, “I have money. Lots of it I don’t really need. Let me…” Deftly, he plucked the phone out of Von’s grasp. Although he squinted at the screen, he handed it back in moments.   
Von’s eyebrows shot up when he looked at the display. “How the hell did you find a flight that cheap? And shit! It leaves in four hours. Eric, you go help Ty throw some things together. I’ll pull the van around and…” His attention was distracted by Cooper, who had almost fallen over trying to stand up. He shook his head incredulously. He put a hand on Cooper’s shoulder, pushing him back down into his seat. “Man, he’s a lightweight. Stay here, Coop, okay? I’ll have the girls come get you.”


	17. Chapter 17

“Jenna?” Penny tapped on the hotel room door with a frown. Her friend hadn’t been feeling well lately. She seemed exhausted all the time, and Von had been hovering over her. Maybe she needed a break. Maybe I do too, Penny thought. Being with Sheldon was wearing her out, and the fact that she knew that's exactly what Amy told Sheldon before they broke up just made it worse. Apparently, that was what happened when one person in a relationship loved the other person more. Penny had never personally experienced this before. She was more of a love-‘em-and-leave-‘em type. Cooper had gotten under her skin, to the point where she couldn't tell if being without him would hurt any less than being with him.  
A loud click echoed in the still hallway, the sound of a deadbolt being unlocked bringing her out of her depressing thoughts. Then... nothing. She tried the door and found it open. Calling Jenna’s name again, she was interrupted by a noise that was very familiar to her after a long night of partying. Jenna hadn't been drinking much at all lately, so Penny was sure she wasn't hung over.  
She rapped softly on the closed bathroom door. “Hey girl, are you sick?” More retching followed, and finally Jenna replied, “I’ll be fine. Just give me a minute.” Her voice sounded weak, and when she emerged from the bathroom, she had dark circles under her eyes.  
“You don't look good,” Penny observed, frowning. “Maybe you need to see a doctor.” Medical care was complicated by their nomadic lifestyle, but if her friend needed a doctor, she would make it happen, even if she had to pay for the whole thing out of pocket.  
But to her surprise, Jenna smiled, and it lit up her whole face. “Already been.”  
Awareness tingled at the back of Penny's mind. She stared at her friend and then gasped, “Are you pregnant?”  
Jenna's grin broadened. “We were keeping it a secret, but since you guessed… Oh, shit, hang on a moment.” She dashed back into the bathroom, and Penny winced to hear more retching.  
Pregnant… holy crap, how could Jenna look so happy about it? She was years younger than Penny, and she and Von didn't have a place to call home. They’d both been working so hard to build the band. From a business perspective, this was a disaster. Penny struggled to look happy for her friend as she emerged from the bathroom again.  
“Third time's the charm,” Jenna said wryly. She walked into the main room and unwrapped something that looked like hard candy. “Ginger drops. They're supposed to help with the nausea, but a few more weeks and I should be over the worst of it… I hope.”  
“How far along are you?” Penny asked as she sat down next to her, careful not to jostle the mattress.  
“Nine weeks, but with pregnancy, they count it from the date of your last period, so the baby's only about seven weeks old. Not even the size of a peanut yet.” She grinned.  
“You seem really happy,” Penny ventured. The unspoken question was obvious from her tone of voice.  
Jenna beamed again. “Yeah, I am. And Von…” Tears welled up in her eyes. “You should’ve seen him. He was so excited. He said it was better than any Christmas he could remember. He’s gonna be such a great dad.”  
Penny absorbed this for a moment. “How’s that going to work exactly? Life on the road isn’t always easy. I can’t imagine adding a baby to the mix.”  
Jenna looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. “I’m gonna stay with my mom for a while. I’d like to finish my degree. If I get a teaching certification, maybe I can tour with the band during the summers.”  
Penny was silent. She knew - and could tell it was obvious to Jenna too - that this was unlikely. Plus, if she was in Jenna's shoes, she wouldn’t like spending most of the year apart from her boyfriend. Von might be excited about being a dad, but he wouldn’t be the one putting in all the hard work of raising a kid. She couldn’t imagine doing something like that by herself. Reaching out, she squeezed Jenna’s hand. “I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. Seattle seems like a really good place to be if you’re a music promoter… and it’d be even better with my best friend.”  
Pushing a lock of dark hair out of her face, Jenna frowned at her. “What are you saying?”  
“I think this is exactly what I need - a push to make a clean break of it with Cooper. I’m not like him. I can’t have a relationship of the mind. So maybe you and me can find an apartment together. Seattle’s on the band’s circuit, so you’d see Von every few months, maybe more.” She shrugged. “I told you I didn’t need people, but I do. And if you have to leave too, then maybe I wouldn’t have to lose all my friends.”  
Jenna squeezed her hand tightly, and after a long pause, she nodded. “I think we can make that work.” Then she grinned. “You like babysitting for free, right?”  
Penny’s only response was a groan.  


* * *

With Ty gone, the mood of the band was unusually somber. He’d called to say that his mother’s surgery was successful, but that she had a long recovery ahead. Von told him to take whatever time he needed. In Baker City, they picked up a temporary replacement drummer. Matt was a friend of a friend and seemed like a good guy. He even gave Penny several new contacts for her growing business. But he wasn’t Ty, and on top of all the other troubles the band was facing, their energy seemed lost.  
Penny had already been looking for an apartment in Seattle. She altered her search to include two bedroom places near local colleges, and when she found one that was an unusually good deal, she put down a deposit before she could think too much about what she’d done. She wasn’t sure how much longer Jenna would stay with the band. But Cooper was barely talking to her anymore. Most of the time, he seemed so lost in thought that his actions seemed automatic, like those of a robot. Penny thought he wouldn’t miss her much when she left, and the idea left her feeling both angered and relieved.  
A few days later, she was all packed, so to speak. It only took her a few minutes to throw everything she owned into a carry-on. She’d gotten used to traveling light from the months on the road, so the significance of the task was demeaned by the brief amount of time it took to accomplish. A hotel porter came and retrieved her one small suitcase, and that was it. This chapter of her life was done. The future loomed before her, bleak and uncertain. She’d wrestled with the question of whether to go back to Pasadena. She missed her friends but was less certain of how much they missed her. Then there were the questions she knew she couldn’t dodge forever. Questions that every single one of her nosy, pretending-to-be-well-meaning-but-really-just-curious friends would ask. Did you really date Sheldon? Did he kiss you? Touch you? Sleep with you? Sadly, she couldn’t answer that last question the way she wanted, and it was at least partially the reason she was headed for Seattle now. Jenna was going to join her in a few months. Penny wasn’t sure she wanted to be a built-in babysitter, but she loved Jenna like a sister. She would put up with a lot more than a wailing infant in order to have one person in the world unequivocally on her side.  
Her gaze roved around the hotel room once more, but there was nothing left to do - nothing but go break Sheldon’s heart. A few years ago, she would have just pulled a runner and disappeared. Odds were she wouldn’t have even left a note, just let her absence speak for itself. She hated that she was now mature enough or self-aware enough not to do that to him. She owed it to Cooper to tell him to his face, no matter how much she dreaded it. The worst part was that she loved him, really loved him, and she believed he loved her too. She’d always thought those stories where two people were in love but couldn’t make it work were crap… until she started dating Sheldon. Now she understood, and it was killing her.  
The club where the band was booked for the evening was just a few blocks away. As a burly stage hand checked her ID, her ears picked up strains of classical music. There were other sounds, too: the typical chatter and occasional thump as equipment was set up, a few whines from a guitar being tuned, but all she heard was his music. It was blindingly fast, something she knew must take a lot of talent to play well. The melody sounded light and carefree, but there was a driving tempo behind it that turned the piece into something faintly ominous, like someone rushing headlong toward a cliff. She shook her head, trying to dispel the dark mood which gripped her. As she approached, Cooper didn’t look up or stop playing, yet she knew he was aware of her presence. This was what it had been like dating him. He wasn’t overtly affectionate or thoughtful, but there was this bond between them, like an invisible cord tying them together. She imagined it was like his string theory, as far as she understood it. Her fear was that they would always be linked, always vibrating to the same frequency, no matter how hard she tried to distance herself.  
The music stopped, and he looked up at her. His gaze met hers, dark and serious as always. She had once had dreams of being the one to make him laugh, to see him smile at her and finally be happy. Now she knew. He had a wall around him that no one was allowed to breach. There was too much of himself that he would never be willing to share with another person. Sleeping with her had been a huge step forward for him, but then there hadn’t been any more progress. He had come as far as he was willing to go - ironically, just at the time when she had been ready to give up everything else to be with him.  
She walked right past him and over to Eric, who was checking a mic. “Hey, can we have a minute?”  
He looked from her to Cooper and then shoved his hair out of his face almost violently. Silently nodding, he walked off, kicking at a speaker as he did so. He knew what was up. They all did.  
Cooper blinked at her when she touched his sleeve. His expression suggested he’d been a million miles away, and she studied his face intently, wondering when she would see him again. Time to get this over with, she thought. She looked up at him sadly, knowing this wouldn't be easy on him. “We need to talk, honey,” she told him as gently as she could.


	18. Chapter 18

The phrase which struck dread into the hearts of most men meant little to Sheldon. He merely nodded as he turned back to his keyboard, making a few notes in the margin of the sheet music for the latest song he was working on with Von. It was only when Penny laid a hand on his arm and asked him to sit down that he knew this wasn’t an ordinary conversation. He was well aware he’d been procrastinating. Penny needed physical intimacy, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever really be ready for such a life-changing decision. Being in control was more important than even his love of physics, and he didn’t know how to relinquish that control.  
“I’m leaving,” Penny said softly, drawing his focus back to her.  
“Where are you going?”  
“Seattle.”  
He’d been wondering if at some point, the development of her career would require more travel. Fortunately, Seattle was on the circuit of towns and cities that the band regularly performed in, so he was confident he’d see her again in a few weeks. Although he would miss her, maybe this would give him the time and space he needed to spur himself to action. “How long will you be gone?”  
She looked away and twisted her hands in the hem of her blouse. “I’m not coming back.”  
An icy chill washed over him as he contemplated her words, trying to find some other meaning. Few seemed plausible. “You can't leave,” he managed to say.  
Penny lifted reddened eyes to his as she reached out and touched his hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you; you know I don’t. But you’re hurting me, even if you don’t mean to. It’s not your fault - not mine either. Sometimes two people aren’t meant to be, no matter how much they care about each other.”  
His face went blank with shock as he gripped her hand in both of his. “Are you talking about us? Do you think we're not right for each other?”  
She laughed humorlessly and pulled her hand away. “Sheldon, look at us! We couldn't be any more opposite if we tried! I know they say opposites attract, but they won't last if they can't find some common ground.”  
“We have many things in common. Our rural upbringings, our love of music. We're both stubborn and good at getting our own way. And we're both dreamers.” His voice softened. “My dreams used to be only for myself, but now when I think about my future, I can't imagine it without you."  
She could hardly believe what she was hearing. The worst part was that she wanted to think they could somehow overcome their obstacles and be happy together. Slowly, she shook her head. “What do you think that future looks like? Because from where I’m sitting now, I can't picture it. We're so different. When we're apart, you barely seem to notice.”  
“I was giving you space,” he argued.  
“Is that what you call it? For the past three weeks, it feels like you've only been paying attention to me when it's convenient for you. I don't think you missed me at all.”  
He frowned. “Why would I miss you? I’ve seen you every day.”  
“Sure, you've seen me, but you haven't gone out of your way to talk to me… or touch me,” she added, her voice dropping to a near whisper. Her vision blurred as she looked up at him. “I want a boyfriend who can't wait to see me, to kiss me, to make love to me. In the past few weeks, I’ve felt more alone than I ever did before, and I don't want to feel that way anymore.”  
For a long moment, he stared at her, chewing on his lower lip. “Do you really think things would be different if we were having coitus?”  
She hunched her shoulders. “Sex is like a sign or something. It's not the real problem, but it's like a big spotlight showing us there is one. The problem is, you don't really want a girlfriend. You just want a security blanket. You want someone who’ll be there for you but doesn't have anything she wants for herself. Look, I don't think you're challenging or exhausting or whatever. I just need more from a relationship than you're willing to give. I don't blame you for being closed off, but I can't stay with someone who won't let me in.” She sighed and shook her head. “It’s time for us both to move on.”  
He opened his mouth, ready to argue with her, but the words wouldn't come. She was right, he had been keeping her at arm’s length, and he had no idea what to do about it.  
“I want you to know that I loved being with you, and… and I just want you to be happy. That's all I ever wanted for you. Whatever you need, I hope you find it someday.” Leaning in swiftly, she planted a kiss on his cheek. "I’ll let you know when I get to Seattle, okay?”  
With that, she rose and walked away, leaving him stunned. He watched her go, wanting to call her back but unable to deny a single thing she'd said. All this time, he’d mistakenly believed the problems in their relationship were about sex. While that was obviously a part of it, he hadn't understood what she really wanted. She wanted him - his hopes, his fears, and all the emotions he had spent so many years repressing. She wanted all of him.  
He felt another touch on his arm. “Cooper?”  
He turned to see Jenna, looking at him with some not-happy expression on her face. “Are you alright?”  
“She left.” He heard his voice crack as he uttered those two awful words.  
“I know.” She rubbed his arm in what was probably meant to be a soothing gesture, but he shuddered away from her touch.  
Eventually, he looked up at her. “You knew she was leaving?”  
“Yeah, for a few days. She was pretty broken up about it.” Jenna sniffled.  
He shook his head. He couldn't begin to analyze Penny's motives when his brilliant mind refused to comprehend the basic fact that she had broken up with him. He realized that if this relationship paralleled the one he had with Amy, it was because he was the common factor. Two women walking away from him, both pushed beyond the bounds of tolerance, both done with him. The rejection hollowed him out inside. It confirmed something he had believed since he was very young: he was unlovable. No one wanted him around. The only value he had was in his intelligence. Except the paradigm which shaped his life for more than three decades wasn't true when it came to Penny. She rarely even seemed impressed by his genius. He remembered his surprise the first time she'd said they were friends. She didn't benefit from being friends with him, apart from the occasional cable hookup or laptop troubleshooting (which Leonard had always been more than willing to do). Yet she came to him. She reached out to him.  
The ground seemed to shake violently beneath his feet, but when Jenna reached out to steady him, he realized he was trembling. He whirled around and only narrowly avoided stumbling over the cables and equipment littering the floor. Jenna called his name, but it was too late. He ran.  
He looked for Penny outside, but he didn’t see her. Somehow, he knew he wouldn’t. There was simply too much finality in her words. She had thought about what she was going to say, so he knew she had also planned her exit. So he just kept running. His feet pounded the sidewalk, trying to push down his panic and fear with every stride. Trying not to think about anything except the harsh sound of his breath tearing in and out of his lungs, and where to place his feet so he wouldn’t fall flat on his face. He wasn’t used to this kind of exertion, but he pushed past the scream of underused leg muscles and ignored the burning spots on his feet that were surely broken blisters. His Converse sneakers were apparently not good running shoes. He finally slowed to a halt, bracing his hands on his thighs as he bent over, trying to catch his breath. Looking around, he had no idea where he was. None of the buildings were familiar. Spotting a nearby wooden bench, he collapsed onto it, not caring that it was probably laden with the germs of the general public.  
It doesn’t matter, he thought, and that idea encompassed his whole situation. I don’t need to know where I am. I don’t need Von or Eric or Jenna or… Penny. I’ll just start over. I did it once before. His shoulders slumped. There’s something wrong with me. I’m not crazy, of course. But first Amy, and now Penny… my physics career and now my music. What else is left? What else can I destroy?  
Penny was the only one of his friends who tried to find him when he ran away. If he did so a second time, he knew he would be effectively cutting his ties to everything in his past. He wondered if she would let him go for good this time, or if she would try to find him again. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, wishing for the first time in his life that he could be normal… just an average guy who didn't freak out at the thought of having coitus with his girlfriend.  
As the sun sank below its zenith, he still didn’t have any answers. He’d run out of the club without even stopping to grab his cell phone. By now, he’d missed the band’s usual afternoon jam session. Eric was going to be even more surly than usual, and even Von might be upset.  
With a sigh, he rose to his feet, wincing at his sore muscles and the sting of burst blisters on his feet. He still didn’t know what he was going to do... where he was going to go. Everything in his mind screamed “away”, but when had that ever done him any good? He needed Penny to help him make sense of this situation, but she was gone. He needed her, and she wanted him. There was a crucial piece missing from this equation. For weeks, he had been trying to solve this problem, trying to understand what mental block stood between him and Penny. If he could only figure out what it was, he believed they could be happy together.  
He raised his head, and his gaze locked on a giant poster in a store window. In the oversized photo, a dark-haired man was sliding an impressively large diamond ring onto the hand of a woman in a white veil, who was smiling beatifically at him. Underneath the picture was the caption, “Promise her forever”. Sheldon stared at the photo for several minutes. Eventually, he rose to his feet and crossed the street as if in a trance. He pushed open the door to the jewelry store.  
“Is there anything I can help you find today?”  
He shook his head slightly as if trying to clear it and focused on the smiling woman standing next to him. She was petite, elegantly dressed and wearing a few too many examples of the store’s wares. Feeling dazed, he swung his attention back to the poster and studied it for a few more seconds. “I… yes, I think so,” he heard himself say.


	19. Chapter 19

After three weeks, Penny’s new apartment was starting to look like a home. Outwardly, she was calm as she tried to settle into her new life. But on the inside, she hadn’t known she could feel this way, like someone had reached down inside of her and ripped out something vital. She felt as thin as tissue paper, forcing herself to go through the motions when all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball under her covers and cry. She had her own covers back now, and all her old things that had been in storage. She’d taken a weekend to drive back to Pasadena to empty out the storage unit where the contents of her old apartment had been stashed. She wanted to start over completely, a fresh start, but her finances made it necessary to retrieve her old furniture. She didn’t even know if any of it was baby-proof. Guess she’d have a few months to find out.  
Of course, she’d made time to see all her friends while she was in California. To her surprise, Bernie was a little standoffish, while Amy was the one to hug her so tightly she couldn’t breathe. Amy confided that she couldn’t stay mad at her bestie, and besides, all was forgiven now that Penny and Sheldon were no longer dating. Cooper, Penny mentally corrected her, but she didn’t say anything out loud. After all, she now had proof that he hadn’t changed as much as he wanted; maybe he really had been “Sheldon” all that time. Amy had moved in with the guy from work she’d been dating and seemed happy, while Bernadette was quite the opposite. The whole evening, she made nasty little jibes about Howard while he had an equal number of biting retorts. Watching her former best friend, Penny began to understand. Bernie had gotten married before she was sure. In fact, the night Howard proposed, they all thought she was about to break up to him and were shocked when she accepted. After she married Howard, Bernie had pressured Penny to get engaged to Leonard and had even tried to convince her to come work at her pharmaceutical company. Bernie had wanted Penny to be in the exact same situation she was, so if she was miserable, at least she would have someone to commiserate with her. That knowledge made Penny’s stomach twist into knots, and she tried to turn her attention to Raj without making it seem like she was snubbing Bernie. The guys were all a little awkward around her. Raj was a bit too excited to see her, reminding her of a hyperactive puppy. Leonard had pointedly brought along his new girlfriend but still cast soulful looks in Penny’s direction. She couldn’t bring herself to care. There was enough new drama in her life without rehashing Leonard’s self-pitying histrionics.  
Explaining to them why she wasn’t coming back - and that Sheldon wasn’t either - had been hard for her. The surprising thing was how no one besides her seemed to miss Sheldon very much or feel they owed him any sort of apology for not keeping in touch. He had chosen to walk away from them, and the general reaction she got was either relief that he was gone, or irritation that he hadn’t reached out to them. When the evening was over, Penny was saddened at how relieved she felt. They were all still her friends, but they didn’t fit into her life in quite the same way. Either she had changed, or they had grown apart. Maybe that was for the best.  
Now she was back in Seattle, her furniture from her old life not quite fitting in her new apartment. She was surrounded by familiar belongings, and all she could think was how little this place felt like home. Home was on the road. Home was twinkling blue eyes and flannel embraces. Home was Sheldon, or Cooper, or whatever he wanted to call himself. Unfortunately, he didn’t feel the same way. Penny was twenty-nine this year and felt too old to start over. She couldn’t wait until Jenna showed up to distract her from her melancholy thoughts.  


* * *

“You’re pregnant?”  
Cooper sat rigidly on the very edge of the worn, fake leather couch. When he asked Jenna to speak in private, she had led him to one of those small lounges off the main floor of the club where they were performing that evening. He was already uncomfortable, having some idea about what couples did in these secluded rooms. Before he could get to the reason he wanted her advice, she had dropped this unwelcome surprise on him. Well aware that he ought to wish Jenna congratulations, he did so mechanically after the silence stretched a few seconds too long. This was an unexpected distraction. “What will this mean for the band?” he added.  
“Not too much. I’ll have to stop touring with you guys at some point… some point soon,” she added with a wince, rubbing at the bump which was barely detectable under her clothes.  
Cooper felt his eyes widening in dismay. “But I need your advice. And I think Von needs you too,” he added slowly. It wasn’t a thought which would have occurred to him before Penny left. A sharp pain stabbed through his chest. The only way he had been able to survive the fact that she left him was by refusing to believe that he couldn’t win her back. Her absence was temporary; it had to be. He couldn’t contemplate the idea of life without her.  
Jenna sighed. “We’ve got a plan… and a backup plan on top of that. I think it’ll all work out.”  
“Backup plan?” The phrase had piqued Cooper’s interest.  
She nodded. “Von’s always wanted to get into the production end of the business. Assuming that Mind Games isn’t going to be the next big thing, he’d like to open his own studio someday.”  
“You think the band is going to fail?”  
“No, of course not. We’ve built something we can be proud of. There’s a lot of people who really like our music, and we make enough to get by without needing day jobs. But I think sooner or later, all musicians get tired of touring. I’m gonna support Von, one hundred percent, as long as this lifestyle is what he wants. But nothing lasts forever, no matter how much we want it to.”  
Cooper thought the look she was giving him might be a sympathetic one. “Are we still talking about the band, or is that a general statement?”  
“A general statement.” She laid a hand on top of his for an instant and gave a gentle squeeze.  
“Ah. You are referring to Penny. I have a plan, too. I could use your assistance in putting it into action.” He hesitated, then reached into his jacket pocket to pull out the small velvet box.  
She gasped as he placed it on the seat between them. Slowly, she picked it up and opened it. Her hand flew to her mouth as she saw what was inside, but she shook her head and closed the box again. “This isn’t going to work. You and Penny have problems, hon, and no piece of bling is going to magically make them go away.”  
“Believe me, I’ve already learned that lesson.”  
Her gaze flew to his face, and her eyes narrowed. “I thought you didn’t propose to your ex.”  
He shook his head. “I didn’t, but I did once give her an expensive piece of jewelry to avoid having to apologize to her. I’m well aware Penny has no interest in getting engaged. She may never wish to be married at all.”  
Jenna frowned. “Okay, I’m definitely gonna need you to walk me through this plan of yours.”  
A tiny, almost-smile lifted the corners of Cooper’s mouth. “I think I know how to win her back… with a little help from my friends.”  


* * *

Penny’s throat tightened as she saw the name on her phone’s caller ID: Sheldon Cooper. The very name itself seemed to sum up all of their relationship issues. He was a man torn between two identities, wanting to become something more while needing to be accepted for exactly who he was. And she’d let him down. Somehow, she had failed, and nothing she could say or do had been able to help him let go of his fears. The pain of their breakup was still raw, as if she had left a part of herself behind when she walked away from him. Worse, he hadn’t seemed to mind at all. For almost two months, she hadn’t heard from him except for a brief acknowledgement to her text to say she’d arrived safely in Portland. Mentally bracing herself, she answered her phone on the last ring before the call was shunted to voicemail.  
To her ears, he sounded almost cheerful. Her confusion grew as he explained that the band would be in town soon and would be staying for a few days. Then he asked if she would have dinner with him. It was only when she hesitated that something seemed to penetrate his calm demeanor. Please, he added - please have dinner with me. Reluctantly, she agreed.  
Penny was surprised to learn that the band had a couple of free days in their schedule before a weekend of gigs in various clubs around the city. Such gaps in their calendar were rare, and usually needed to be deliberately planned months in advance. Of course, it had been almost two months since she left. Her suspicions mounted. Jenna understood her reasons for leaving, and she was pretty sure Von did too. She couldn’t imagine either of them would be supporting any hair-brained scheme of Sheldon’s to manipulate her into coming back. After all, they’d been together for almost a year. Even though she thought about him almost constantly, there was no way she could get back together with him - with Sheldon.  
Despite her efforts to distract herself with work, the day of her date or whatever-it-was with Sheldon arrived all too soon. By late afternoon, her bed was strewn with clothes as she tried on and rejected dress after dress. Finally, she switched gears and did her hair and makeup instead. Loose golden curls cascading down her back… smoky eyes and rose-hued lipstick… sexy but understated. She looked good. No, scratch that, she looked hot. If Sheldon had missed her at all, she wanted him to think she was doing just fine without him, no matter how much it was a lie. With her hair and makeup finished, one dress just seemed to jump out at her: a navy blue dress, scoop-necked with a metallic sheen to the fabric which shimmered with her every move. With a pair of stilettos so high she could almost look him straight in the eye, she was ready to leave.  
She took a taxi to the restaurant. It was one of the nicer ones downtown, and she had to admit, the man had class. She strode into the lobby like an Amazon princess. She was proud, she was confident, she didn’t need anyone-- oh, holy crap on a cracker, she thought as her gaze was drawn to her ex. Sheldon rose from a bench near the door as she walked in. He was wearing a suit, and if she thought he looked good in a suit all those years ago, now he was sex on a stick - like all the Chrises rolled into one. She trembled and almost dropped her clutch. All she could do was stare and feel jealous of the merino which draped itself so lovingly over his lean frame.  
He walked toward her, and his face was grave. “Hello, Penny. You look beautiful,” he said.  
She couldn’t stop the blush which rose to her cheeks. “You look good too.”  
“We have reservations, so our table is waiting for us. Shall we?” He raised his arm, bent at the elbow, and feeling like she was in a dream - or a fairytale - Penny slipped her hand into the crook of his arm and followed him.


	20. Chapter 20

Cooper knew he was lucky to have such good friends in his life. There was a time, not that long ago, when the three men he believed were his closest friends had betrayed him in the most reprehensible way possible. Overnight, his career, his reputation, and his confidence were all shattered. Only Penny had tried to comfort him. Only her apology had been sincere, and her indignation at the way he'd been treated had restored the smallest fraction of his dignity. But he hadn't been the same since learning how little his friends truly cared for him. For years, he had been lost, trying to reconstruct a life out of the fragments that were left. He hadn't succeeded very well. In retrospect, it had been far too easy to leave his career, his home and his friends behind. Without Von, the first kind person he'd met during his flight, he might have eventually gone back, believing he deserved no better than the casual abuse he constantly received. Instead, he met three men who had welcomed him into their tight-knit circle, and a woman who smiled at him and helped him fit in. It was an oddly fitting parallel to his former life, as if he'd gotten a do-over and made better choices the second time around. Then Penny had come back into his life. She had been searching for him, unwilling to let him disappear out of her life. She was like a bridge between his past and present. Now he hoped he could convince her that she was also his future.  
She smiled at him across the white linen tablecloth. “This is a really nice place. I mean, like a five star restaurant.” He noticed she was twisting her napkin in her lap. “You're not going to do anything stupid, right?”  
“I’ve never done anything stupid in my whole life,” he retorted.  
“Okay, sure…” Her eyes darted around the room. “But I mean… you wouldn't… Promise me you're not going to propose,” she finally blurted out.  
“I do have a suggestion I hoped you would consider, but no, I have no intention of proposing marriage. I know that would displease you.”  
Her shoulders slumped. “If you want to get back together, I don't think that's a good idea.”  
“I’m aware of your perspective,” he replied with notable aplomb. “Tell me how your business is progressing.”  
She frowned slightly but after a brief hesitation, launched into a detailed description of her latest projects. After that, he shared little tidbits of news about the band. She even told him about going back to Pasadena. As far as he could tell, the evening was going well. He hadn't realized how much he missed her. All this time, he'd been so focused on his own issues. She was right; he had been largely responsible for the rift between them. He only hoped it wasn't too late to repair it.  
She began twisting her napkin again as their dinner plates were whisked away and refused the dessert menu so emphatically that he wondered why. He ordered hot tea, and after a pause, she chose a glass of something called dessert wine. That sounded vile to him, but he held his tongue. They sipped their beverages in a silence that didn't quite feel comfortable.  
Once he had paid for their meal, he asked her if she would take a walk with him. This time, he could see her flinch, and it disturbed him. “I don’t mean to distress you,” he said quietly as he played the part of a gentleman and helped her into her wrap.  
“I know,” she answered, but she wasn't looking at him.  
His fingers lingered against the skin of her shoulder for a split second longer than was proper. “Come with me… please. I have something to say to you, and I would greatly appreciate it if you'd hear me out.”  
“I don't know. It's getting late,” she said with her eyes fixed on the floor.  
“It's not even nine o’clock yet.” He studied her face for a moment. “Do you no longer desire my company?”  
She still wouldn't make eye contact with him. “We had a nice time this evening. Can't we just leave it at that?”  
“I think you will like what I have to say, but even if you don't, I'm asking you to trust me for a short amount of time. Will you do that?”  
She met his gaze. To his dismay, he could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. All he wanted was to pull her into his arms and promise her everything would be all right. He couldn't - not yet, not until he’d explained everything - but this only proved to him that she'd been right to leave him. She'd been right about everything, so why would she trust him? Finally she nodded, and he almost collapsed with relief. Gathering his courage, he offered her his arm again and led her out into the starlit night.  


* * *

Penny was quiet and pensive as he led her down the street. A few blocks away from the restaurant, they turned into a tiny green space that was too small to be called a park. Nestled between two buildings, a pebbled path wound through a community garden. At the end of the path, a wrought iron bench was tucked under the curved bow of a trellis covered with climbing roses. Two small blossoming trees flanked the arbor, and they were glowing with hundreds of tiny white lights. Penny gasped, and he hoped she was impressed.  
“Did you do all this?” she whispered.  
“I had a little help from our friends,” he answered proudly.  
At his words, she stiffened. Instead of melting into his arms, she pulled away from him. “I don't know what you think you're doing,” she snapped. “This isn't going to work. I gave you so many second chances, and I don't have any more to give. You can't do this. We're over, and we're not getting back together.”  
Sheldon froze. “You promised you would hear me out,” he faltered.  
“And you promised you wouldn't… wouldn't… what the hell, Sheldon! You said you weren't proposing, but if you aren't, you should be, except I don't want you to because then I’ll never get over you--” She was rambling, her words interspersed with short gasping breaths as she fought not to let her tears fall.  
For once in his life, Cooper let impulse take over as he put his arms around her, tilted her chin up and kissed her. A trickle of moisture trailed against his cheek as her tears fell while she clung to him. He'd failed her, hurt her - but never again. Filled with a growing need to make things right between them, he drew back and rested his forehead against hers.  
“I love you.” It wasn't what he'd meant to say, but the words were suddenly there, demanding to be spoken. “And I’m sorry.”  
She sucked in a breath, her hazel eyes going wide. “What did you say?”  
“Come with me,” he said as gently as he could. She let him lead her to the bench, where the scent of roses still perfumed the night air. He turned toward her, their knees touching, as he took her both hands in his.  
“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I didn't know how to love you. I didn't know how to let you in, but I think I’ve found a way.” He drew the velvet box from his pocket. Penny gasped but began to shake her head. He grasped both her hands in one of his. “I am a man of my word. I’m not proposing. I’m not asking anything of you. I’m giving you everything. I know I wasn’t able to be the kind of boyfriend you wanted. It took me a long time to realize that I was trying to maintain control of our relationship. I was afraid of further intimacy with you because I didn’t know what would happen if I let go. But the harder I tried to manage every aspect of our relationship, the more you pulled away. I was only willing to give you part of myself. The rest I wanted to hold back. I was afraid of being hurt. Relationships are difficult, and I didn’t want to be rejected. When you broke up with me, it made me realize that by protecting myself, I was hurting you. So I decided I’m not going to try to control what happens between us any longer. This ring represents all of me. I want you to have this, and me, with no reservations and no obligations. I’ve made my choice. You are more important to me than anyone else… and that includes myself.”  
“I don't know what to say,” Penny faltered.  
“Say you’ll take me as I am.” Slowly, he dropped to one knee in front of her and reached for her hand. “I’m yours if you will have me.”  
Penny clapped a hand over her mouth as she nodded, eyes brimming with tears. Carefully, he drew the ring from the box and held it out to her. She placed it on the fourth finger of her right hand, and the stone quickly slid around to the inside of her hand.  
Still kneeling in front of her, Cooper reached out and slid the ring onto a different finger. “I didn't want there to be any confusion,” he explained. “So I had the ring sized for your third finger. I know your thoughts on marriage, and I wanted to make it clear that I'm not trying to entrap you.”  
“Oh,” she gasped, growing misty-eyed again. “That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.” She he tugged on his hand, bringing him to his feet. “Kiss me,” she breathed.  
She linked her hands behind his neck and pulled him down until their lips met and the soft curves of her body nestled against his lean profile. The sound of clapping interrupted them, and they looked up to see a small crowd of onlookers had gathered. A few phones were held up, and Penny blushed and buried her face against his lapels. “They think we just got engaged,” she murmured.  
“Let them,” was his succinct answer as he lowered his mouth to hers again, unable to hold back a groan of longing. Their breaths mingled as the kiss deepened. He felt something loosen inside his chest as over and over, his mind echoed her name. Mine, he couldn't help but think. No, he was hers. She hadn't claimed him yet, but maybe she would someday soon. When they broke apart, they were both breathless. Sheldon ached with need, wanting nothing more than to take that final step of surrender. Now that his decision had been made, the wait was torturous.  
“Penny, I want you,” he confessed, hardly recognizing the husky growl which came from deep inside his chest.  
She whimpered with need, pressing closer against him. He was achingly hard for her and had been from the moment she slid his ring onto her hand. It was as if her acceptance of his one-sided proposal had loosened the last ties which held him to his former, uptight, fear-driven life. The last vestiges of Sheldon dropped away as he fully embraced his new existence. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, “I’ve reserved a suite at a five-star hotel for the next three nights, to celebrate our new relationship.”  
A huge smile dawned on her face. “What are we waiting for?”  
They had to pass the gamut of curious onlookers. Penny smiled, and Cooper ducked his head in shy but proud acknowledgement as the small crowd offered them congratulations. He placed his arm around her waist as he guided her to a waiting towncar, and then held her hand the whole time during the short ride to the hotel. In the elevator on the way up to their suite, she made his heart race by pressing kisses down the sensitive column of his throat.  
When he opened the door to their suite, Penny stopped just a few feet inside the door. An enormous living area was fronted by a wall of glass overlooking the Seattle skyline. “I feel like I'm in a fairytale,” she murmured, bracing her hands against the window as she took it all in. When she turned, he had a large box in his hands in a familiar pink design.  
“Is this for me?” she asked, beaming.  
“You’re not required to wear it if you don't like it. I just thought--”  
“I love it,” she said, snatching it out of his hands.  
“You haven't even opened it yet.”  
But Penny was already tearing into the tissue paper, eager to see what Cooper thought was sexy. A full length negligee slithered through her hands, silky and midnight blue. The same color as his eyes, she thought. She lifted out the matching scrap of lace that barely qualified as a thong with a grin.  
“Again, you don't have to wear it--”  
“Oh, I'm definitely wearing it.” Then she took a closer look at him, noting that he kept clenching and unclenching his hands. Gently, she captured his hands in hers.  
“Thank you,” she told him, kissing his cheek. “This is all so amazing I don't even know what to say.”  
He nodded, focusing on something beyond her shoulder. “Would you like some champagne? I understand it's traditional for a celebratory event.”  
She followed his gaze, spotting the bottle of champagne sitting in a bucket of ice near the sitting area, and then laughed as she shook her head. “Sweetie, you really didn't have to do all this but... thank you. You thought of everything.”  
She disappeared into the bathroom, and he used the time to change as well. Under his habitual plaid flannel robe, he now wore nothing but black silk boxers, which he’d had to special order online. He was still waiting for Penny, so he lit the fire in the gas fireplace, uncorked the champagne bottle and poured a small amount into two flutes. He eyed the effervescent beverage dubiously. His tolerance for alcohol was extremely low, but he supposed he could have a sip without embarrassing himself.  
A slight sound drew his attention as Penny emerged from the bathroom. “What do you think?” she asked, pirouetting slowly to give him the full effect.  
He took one look at her and was speechless for the first time in his life. She walked toward him slowly, and he couldn't tear his eyes from her. When she reached him, she put her hands against his chest. No doubt she could tell that there were no pajamas under his robe tonight.  
“I’m guessing you like it?” she purred, trailing her fingers along the small area of bare skin at the base of his throat.  
Finally, he found his voice and nodded as he told her hoarsely, “Yes.”  
All he meant to do was put his hands on her waist, but his fingertips brushed bare skin. The negligee he had purchased was satin in a blue so dark it looked black in the dim firelight. In the front, it was rather conservative, but the back dipped daringly low. His hands slid across her lower back as he was mesmerized by the petal-soft texture of her skin. She responded by gripping his lapels and pressing harder against him with a moan. Her arms came around his neck, tugging him down for a kiss. By the time she untied his robe and her hands touched his bare chest for the first time, he was locked in the grip of a powerful need he had never felt before. He needed to see her, to touch her, to have nothing between their bodies except heat and passion. Her desire fueled his, and his inhibitions crumbled into nothingness as he surrendered to the desire that consumed them both.


	21. Chapter 21

Penny’s eyes fluttered open at some faint sound, and before she could even blink, she was reaching for him. Cooper... her man. Her lover. Movement brought little twinges of protest from certain parts of her body - ones which had gotten quite a workout after the longest dry spell she'd ever endured. Because of what it signified, the discomfort was welcome; her boyfriend's absence from the bed, not so much. Holding the sheet to her chest, she sat up.  
“Honey?” she called. He poked his head into the bedroom momentarily, dressed in dark jeans and a superhero t-shirt over a three-quarter length henley.  
She smiled, although she was a little disappointed to see him dressed.  
“Good morning, Penny.” His eyes swept over her, taking in her tousled hair and bed linen couture.  
She studied his face, searching for any sign that he regretted last night's decision. He returned her gaze with equal intensity, and for her that was answer enough.  
“Come here,” she beckoned. When he sat next to her on the edge of the bed, she scooted closer and put her arms around him as the sheet slid down around her waist. “How are you feeling?” she asked softly. “Last night was a big deal for you… a big change. Are you okay?”  
He turned more fully toward her and answered her question with another question. “Are we... together again?”  
“Do you really think I could walk away from you after last night?”  
“You've walked away from much more.”  
Penny drew in a sharp breath, knowing he was referring to her failed elopement with Leonard. “I was lost then, and I tried to grab onto the one constant in my life. Even if you were my friend too, you had Amy.” She gave him an apologetic look.  
He nodded. “I left because of her, but not solely because of her. It was because of you, too, and Leonard. I knew things were going to change. I have no idea why I thought running away could solve anything.”  
“But it did.” She leaned closer, inhaling his clean masculine scent as her lips brushed her cheek. “It changed everything. You changed everything." He didn't seem at all reluctant to be drawn into the lazy sensuality of her embrace.  
As he stroked the skin bared by the sheet, which had slipped down and was threatening to fall away entirely, she murmured in his ear, "Do you know what my first thought was this morning when I woke up?"  
When he said no, she grinned and answered, "It was you. I reached for you before I even opened my eyes. I was hoping you'd still be there next to me. Last night still feels like a dream."  
"It was real, I assure you," he said, then his gaze dropped to her right hand. He held it, and his expression was as serious as she'd ever seen. "I know I told you I chose to size this ring for your third finger. But if you ever wish to have the ring resized - if you want to wear it on a different finger on the opposite hand - I would like that very much."  
Penny's eyebrows rose. "So it is an engagement ring?"  
"Not unless you choose to make it so."  
"But don't you want to ask me?"  
He shook his head. "I already realized that I could either have you, or I could be in control, and I've made my choice. I love you."  
She blushed. "I… I lo--"  
Sheldon knew it was too soon for her to make that kind of declaration.. Before she could get the words out, he kissed her, putting everything he felt in action. Penny pulled him down on top of her, and he knew he would never again use the word coitus to describe what they did. He made love to her.  


* * *

Two days later, Penny and Sheldon walked into a club and encountered a familiar scene. Von was tuning his guitar and Eric was running wires while Jenna stood in for the sound tech. Only Ty's solid, steady presence was missing to make them feel that nothing had changed. Then the new drummer, Matt, walked in with an armload of equipment, and the comforting sense of nostalgia passed.  
Jenna was the first to notice the two of them. Her sharp gaze instantly noticed that their hands were linked together, and she ran toward them with a squeal of delight. "It worked, right? You're back together?" she cried, so excited that she hugged them both.  
Penny's face softened as she looked up at Cooper. "Yes, we're back together, and he's made me very happy."  
Jenna's eyes darted to Penny's left hand first before finding the ring on the opposite hand. "Coop, are you happy too?" she asked, almost shyly.  
"I experienced a significant rite of passage with the woman I love," he said as he turned to Penny.  
Jenna gasped at the expression on his face. "You're smiling!"  
By this time, Von and Eric had made their way over, although in a much more laid-back manner than Jenna. When they saw the abashed smile on Cooper's face, they subjected him to some backslapping and a couple of those one-armed guy hugs. He gravely thanked them, confirming Penny's suspicions about the role their friends played in the romantic setting for Cooper's non-proposal.  
"Now you really are the man!" Eric teased.  
Penny came to his rescue. "That's not what makes him a man. It's the courage he showed in finally opening up to me."  
"I thought you were the one who's supposed to be opening up to him," Eric smirked, earning himself a punch on the arm from Penny and a glare from Jenna.  
Penny and Cooper's eyes met, and at that moment, she knew exactly what he was thinking. Eric's off-color comment had reminded them both of Howard and the life they'd left behind.  
"Do you miss them?" she asked so softly that only he could hear. "Do you miss being a scientist and doing all that geeky stuff with your friends?"  
He didn't directly answer her question. "This is better," he said, drawing her closer as the excited chatter seemed to fade away, until Von grinned and called, " Just kiss her already," and Cooper could no longer resist doing just that.  
"So what does this mean? Are you going to tour with us again?" Jenna asked, practically bouncing in her excitement.  
Penny's smile dimmed. "I don't know. We haven't really talked about it. I just got settled in the new place, and what about…" Her gaze dropped to her friend's still-flat stomach.  
Jenna shrugged. "I can always stay with my mom if I need to. I just want you guys to be happy."  
"As long as business is good, maybe I can use the apartment as a home base and tour some of the time," Penny mused.  
"We'd love to have you back. The only thing that kept this guy going when you left was his stubborn refusal to believe the two of you wouldn't work it out," Von said with a grin.  
"Awww…" Penny cooed as she snuggled against Cooper's side. None of his friends could fail to notice how he relaxed into her embrace, something they had never seen him do before.  
"Hey, we all talked to Ty yesterday - put him on speaker phone. We even ran through the latest version of the song Von's been working on," Eric volunteered. "I bet he'd love to her your big news."  
Cooper's eyebrows rose. "He would?"  
The usual sarcastic amusement faded from Eric's face. "We have your back, man. All of us do."  
"I know," he replied seriously.  
Penny smiled and thanked them all. After that, the guys picked up their instruments and started an impromptu jam session. Penny and Jenna hung out by the sound board, trying to hash out details about their future living arrangements. But all too often, their eyes were drawn to the stage, and the conversation faltered as they ogled their men.  
"I never realized how sexy a keyboard could be until I saw him play. Those hands of his… mmm…"  
Jenna glanced at her friend with a laugh. "Girl, you've got it bad. I guess I can kind of see it, but Von's voice is so sexy it makes my insides melt into a little puddle of goo." She sighed happily.  
"Is it TMI if I say I can't wait to rip his clothes off after the show?"  
"Only if you start before you leave the club," Jenna cackled.  
"Yeah, there's no way I'd get him in the bathroom for a quickie. He'd have a hissy fit over all the public germs."  
"Now that's TMI!"  
The girls dissolved into a fit of giggles.  


* * *

"Should I be worried?" Cooper asked in a low voice, watching the way the two women were hanging onto each other, helpless with laughter.  
Von shook his head. "Nah, she's not laughing at you. I saw the look in her eyes. She's crazy about you."  
“Do you think a relationship needs commitment in order to be successful?”  
Von’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re not having regrets, are you?”  
Sheldon turned his gaze back to his girlfriend. She looked so happy, and he never wanted to do anything which would steal that look from her face. “No, none whatsoever. I’m just wondering if Penny will ever want the same thing from our relationship that I do.”  
“And what’s that?” Von asked curiously.  
“Permanence - I want her to agree to place that ring on her other hand. I want her to be my wife. I want us to have a home together and to see her every day - or night - when I come home. Maybe we might even have children together someday.”  
Von chuckled. “Man, you don’t ask for much, do you?" Then, more seriously, he went on. "She refused to give up on you when all your other friends wrote you off. I don't mean to judge, but they hardly seemed to notice you were gone. It's been over a year, and none of them bothered to come see you. All I'm saying is, I think she loves you more than she's ready to admit."  
Sheldon nodded. "I don't think either of us wants to return to the lives - and relationships - we once had."  
Von was silent for a long time. "I don't know if I can do it," he finally said.  
There was an unusual tremor in his voice that had Sheldon looking at him with alarm. "Do what?"  
"I don't know if I want to be on the road all the time when Jenna's not going to be with me. And the idea of leaving her behind to raise our kid mostly by herself… what kind of man does that? The worst part is that she hasn't complained once. She's willing to make that sacrifice for me because she loves me. I see how happy you and Penny are now, and that's what I'd be giving up."  
Not sure what kind of response was warranted, Sheldon didn't say anything.  
"I'm sorry to dump that on you all at once. Ty used to be my sounding board, but he's not here."  
"If you stopped touring, what would you do instead?" Sheldon thought that was a safe question.  
"I think I'd focus on writing music, but I could still play weekends locally. I'm also interested in production, and I know some people who could help me transition into that part of the business." He slanted a glance at Sheldon. "What would you do if you were me?"  
For a moment, Sheldon superimposed Penny's face onto his mental image of Jenna's swelling body. He was shocked by the fierce joy that swept through him. When he turned back to Von, his eyes burned with conviction. "I would give anything I had for that kind of future, but that's my dream, not yours. You have to decide what you value most."  
Von gazed at Jenna, who was still laughing and joking around with Penny. "Her. It will always be her." He blew out a breath as he watched Eric and Matt making some final checks. "But if I pull back, I don't know what will happen to the band. Local gigs only means less money. You had another life as some kind of genius scientist. If you wanted, you could go back to that."  
Cooper shook his head. "I'm not sure our friends would accept the people we've become. Neither Penny or I fit their expectations any more."  
"I had a girlfriend once. She was always telling me how much she needed me, how much she loved me. At first, I felt like her hero, but it never ended. She always needed more until I was exhausted, wishing she could manage on her own for two damn seconds. Eventually, I realized that no matter what I did for her, it would never be enough. I didn't blame her. She grew up with parents who made her feel like she was never good enough. If someone's missing that self-esteem--" He laced his fingers together, palms up. "It's like the container inside them that's supposed to hold love becomes a sieve instead." He pulled his hands apart, creating huge gaps between his fingers. Some people are just broken inside. It's not your fault, and it's not your responsibility to fix it… because you can't. Only they can. I don't know either of your exes, but from what you've told me, it sounds like they were both like that."  
Cooper's gaze was unfocused as he stared blindly across the club's main floor. Comprehension was followed by emotions that he no longer tried to suppress: regret, sadness, guilt, frustration, and finally relief. “At one point in my life, I would’ve told you I didn’t believe in psychological claptrap. But your metaphor seems to describe both Amy and Leonard exactly. In our own ways, Penny and I both tried to please them. Knowing our failure was largely not our fault is… freeing. If we do go back, I’ll know that even though I still care about them, I’m not obligated to them the way they want me to be.”  
He felt Von’s hand on his shoulder, and on a sudden impulse, wrapped his arms around the man briefly.  
Von returned the hug, giving him a masculine thump on the back. “What was that for?” he asked.  
“I want you to know how much your friendship has meant to me. You’re like a brother to me, and I want you to know that whatever you decide, I’ll be fine. I don’t need you to take care of me. Do what you need to do, and take care of the woman you love.”  
Von tilted his head back and swiped at his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was rough. “Damn. That’s the last thing I expected to hear from you. Thanks. I really needed that. I don’t know exactly how this is all going to work, but one thing’s for sure. You’re family, and family doesn’t give up on each other.”


	22. Chapter 22

For the next few weeks, the band stuck to their usual routine. Jenna got over the worst of her morning sickness and enrolled in a community college in Seattle. Penny admired her determination. She remembered when she tried to take a few college courses and had struggled enough without having pregnancy and eventually a baby to deal with. Privately, she wondered how often she would end up babysitting once she and Jenna were roommates. She loved Jenna to death, so of course, she would watch her kid. It was just too bad there wasn't something different she could do to help - like crawl over hot coals instead. Maybe she'd feel differently one day if it was her own child. She imagined herself pregnant, stomach swollen with a growing baby. Cooper would be equal parts excited and terrified, driving her crazy by citing the latest prenatal research and baby proofing everything in sight months before the baby was even born. She sighed, imagining him singing to her stomach or playing lullabies on his keyboard for a dark-haired infant who listened spellbound, every bit as entranced as his mother had been that first day she heard Liebestraum. Seduced by a quirky genius who expressed himself best through music - some days, she wasn't quite sure how her life had come to this, but she had no regrets. Their journey from neighbors to friends to lovers had taken almost ten years, and she wouldn't trade a day of it for anything.  
Ever since the night he gave her the ring, he hadn't turned her down or pushed her away, and Penny was almost floating along in a haze of happiness and satiation. She hoped he was happy too; at the very least, he seemed relaxed and content, with the tension gone from their relationship, but she knew he wanted more. If he could surrender control of his life to her, Penny knew she could do the same. She trusted him enough to wear the ring on her left hand and be his forever. So she secretly made plans for a special evening to break the news. Unfortunately, she didn’t get the chance before Von ruined her big announcement.  
It was just a typical Monday morning, when they had a brief respite between gigs. Penny had woken up alone in bed, and this too was typical. She texted her boyfriend, and he came back to the hotel room within ten minutes, bearing coffee. After the coffee, Cooper did something else that guaranteed she was thoroughly awake and starting the day out right. She wanted to say it then, when he was stroking her back and still trying to catch his breath. The urge to tell him she loved him was growing so strong that she thought it might push its way past her lips in the middle of a completely ordinary conversation. She'd never experienced anything like this before. Maybe other people could fall in love easily. For her, the pattern was attraction, lots of sex, and then seeing if you could stand each other when you weren’t in bed together. She’d only told one other guy she had loved him: Kurt, and look how that had turned out. Cooper couldn’t be more different if he tried. He was cerebral where Kurt had been a bodybuilder obsessed with his physique; socially awkward where Kurt could ooze charm when he wanted to; and honest to a fault while Kurt had been a lying bastard. Cooper was not like other men. He was never going to be like other men, and Penny didn’t mind at all. It was just part of the reason why she loved him, and she couldn’t wait until she told him she wanted to marry him.  
“We’re going to hash out some melodies Von’s had in his head. We’ll be in his room. At this time of day, there shouldn’t be too many other hotel patrons around to complain about the noise,” Cooper explained as he was lacing up his Chucks. “Would you like to join us?”  
“I’d love to, but I have to take care of a few things first, okay?”  
He nodded, then pulled his phone out of his pocket. On the nightstand, Penny’s phone chimed as well. She read the text and frowned. “An all hands meeting, and they want me there too? That doesn’t sound good.”  
“I suppose that depends on your perspective.” Cooper carefully straightened his clothes and ran a comb through his hair.  
Usually, Penny loved when he did that, because it seemed like a tacit invitation to run her fingers through it. Today, she just frowned at him. “You know something,” she accused. “Why didn’t you tell me?”  
He fidgeted, making eye contact with her via the mirror while his back was still turned toward her. “The information was told to me in confidence. I meant no disrespect.”  
She got out of bed, completely naked, and padded across the carpet to put her arms around him. “Okay,” she whispered as she kissed his shoulder.  
He turned to face her and pulled her into an embrace. “I’m yours. Nothing else matters.”  
Leaning her head against his chest, Penny wasn’t certain that was true, but she wanted it to be. “Honey, I--”  
He leaned down and kissed her, softly at first but with a lingering thoroughness until she could barely remember her own name, let alone what they’d been talking about. “Get dressed and join us,” he told her, and then he was gone.  
Penny threw on a probably clean t-shirt and jeans and was walking into her friends’ room in record time. The guys had their instruments out but were clearly just playing a few chords rather than doing any serious songwriting. Jenna came out of the bathroom a moment later and sat down next to Von, who put away his guitar and held her hand.  
“So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our future,” Von said. His voice sounder rougher than usual. “I’ve been thinking about what I really want out of life, what’s most important to me. Music’s in my soul. It’s in my blood. Most of my life, I’ve had a soundtrack running through my head, songs that are waiting to be written. That’s not going to change, but the way I live that melody has to. The thing is, I can’t leave my girl alone to raise our child. That’s just not me. I think if I did that, everything inside of me would turn dark. I couldn’t live with myself. I’m going to honor our obligations with every venue where we currently have a booking, but after that, I’m done touring.”  
For a few seconds, the room was completely silent. Penny looked at Jenna, wide-eyed, who responded with a conflicted look.  
“I’m proud of you, man.” The voice was Eric’s, and when Penny looked at him, she was stunned to see tears in his eyes. “That had to be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do. Props to you. And you know if Ty was here, he’d say the same.”  
Von nodded. “You guys are like family, and I hate the idea of giving that up, but I’m going to be a dad. I’m going to have a son or a daughter, someone who needs me to be there.”  
“Don’t think you’ll get rid of us that easily.” Penny had gotten over her initial shock and knew what she had to say. “Like you said, we’re family, and that doesn’t go away no matter where you are. Ty’s still a part of our family, isn’t he?”  
“That’s right,” Eric chimed in.  
“You have our full support,” Cooper said. Then he looked over at Matt.  
There was a bit of an awkward pause. Penny felt that Matt hadn’t been with the band long enough to really get to know him well. To be honest, every time she saw him up on stage, it just made her miss the comforting solidity of her friend Ty.  
Matt cleared his throat. “Hey, you guys gave me my first big break. I went from playing coffee houses solo to being part of a real band on tour. It’s been a blast, but there’s been a vibe ever since I came on. To be honest, I was half-expecting you were going to tell me I just wasn’t working out, so I’m actually kind of relieved. Bands come and go, but if you have to leave one, it’s better to leave on good terms.”  
“I’m gonna do right by you,” Von promised. “I’ll reach out to all my contacts and see if I can find anyone else in the market for a drummer.”  
“I’ll help too, however I can,” Penny added. She looked over at Eric. To her surprise, he laughed.  
Looking at Von, he shook his head. “Don’t you know Death Vipers have been trying every trick in the book to poach me for the past two years?”  
Von’s eyebrows shot up. “You never said anything. Why didn’t you make the jump? It’s what you always wanted to do.”  
“I had my reasons,” Eric said, making eye contact with each of them in turn.  
“Coop, what about you?” Jenna asked softly. “I mean, up until a few weeks ago, you would’ve worried us the most.”  
Cooper reached out and took Penny’s hand. “I will do whatever Penny thinks best.”  
Penny laid a hand on his knee. “We’ll talk about it and figure out what we want to do… together,” she amended.  
There wasn’t much more to say after that. Penny left to start making some calls to see if she could find another gig for poor Matt. Cooper met up with her a few hours later in their room. He immediately came up to her and hugged her. Even though they were dating, this was still unusual behavior for him, as he normally waited for her to make the first move. Penny nestled into his embrace and all of her worry and tension drained away. “I love you,” she murmured against his chest.  
She felt him stiffen slightly and then pull back to search her face. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel compelled to make any kind of declaration simply because our circumstances have altered.”  
“Honey, don’t you think I’ve noticed that every time I’ve tried to tell you over the past few weeks, you kiss me? Not that I mind, but it’s almost like you didn’t want to hear it.”  
“I watched how your relationship with Leonard imploded. Raj coerced you into making a statement that you didn’t really mean, and then you only agreed to marry Leonard when every other aspect of your life was in chaos. If you were ever going to say you loved me, I wanted it to be entirely of your own volition. Are you sure this is not a reaction to the ambiguity Von has introduced by dissolving the band?”  
She took a deep breath and held up her right hand. “I made dinner reservations for us tonight at Le Maison Blanc. I was going to tell you then, but I can’t wait. Do you still mean what you said about having the ring resized?”  
He stilled. For what felt like an eternity (but was probably just a few seconds), he didn’t respond. Then she felt his muscles start to tremble. “Yes, I still mean it - very much,” he said in a strained voice.  
Penny pulled the ring off her right hand and slid it onto the ring finger on her left. “Then let’s do it,” she whispered with a smile.  
His face lit up with a look of pure joy. It was so achingly tender and full of love that Penny was left speechless. Then he seized her face in both hands and started kissing her with a passion that stole her breath away. He urged her backward until she felt the edge of the mattress against her legs, and then he pulled her down onto the bed with him.  
“Penny, I need you. I need to be inside of you… please, just this once,” he begged.  
She knew instinctively what he was asking: not permission to make love to her, but for her to let him be in control. He was so overwhelmed with emotion that he couldn’t be passive anymore. She grabbed his jaw and tilted his head up so she could see his face. “I’m not the only one in control of this relationship,” she said softly. “I refuse to be. If that was what you needed to tell yourself at one point in order to be with me, fine; but from now on, we’re partners. We make every decision together. Got it?”  
“Whatever you say,” he teased, his eyes dancing with mirth. Then he rolled so she was underneath him and pulled up her shirt.  
“Stop that!” She shrieked with laughter as he buried his face in her stomach, covering the sensitive skin there with ticklish kisses. Then he moved lower, and her mouth fell open as he yanked her capris and thong off her in one quick motion. She cried out again for an entirely different reason as he guided her thighs apart and then kissed her more intimately than he had ever done before.


	23. Chapter 23

“I love you.” Sheldon felt Penny’s fingers comb lazily through his hair and luxuriated in the gentle caress. Gone was the man who couldn’t tolerate her touch or would only let her get so close. He was hers completely, and miraculously, she was his as well. When she had placed the ring he gave her on her left hand, it had unleashed a storm of emotion inside of him that he never would have guessed he possessed. For a time, he couldn’t contain himself and had laid claim to every inch of her body. The selfish, domineering side of his personality had never really gone away, but it had turned into something else. He needed to feel her, to pleasure her and make her scream his name to remind her that she was his forever. He wanted to get married - now, today. Maybe someday she would even carry their child inside her. The idea of progeny had always appealed to him in a theoretical sense, but they could have ten children if that was what she wanted. Because that was the way his mind seemed to work, now that the switch had been triggered. He was selfish for her. He would move the world to please her, because that was what made him happy.  
“I love you,” she said again.  
He could feel himself slipping into sleep, but he pulled her close and muttered drowsily, “You are my life.” The last sound he heard was her sigh of contentment.  
“Hey, wake up, sweetie.” He opened his eyes some time later to find that the room had grown dark. “I got a text from Jenna asking if you were okay.”  
Penny’s eyes glinted at him in the dim light. “I told her you were fine. I didn’t tell her the rest yet. Let’s tell them together. I can’t wait to see their faces.” She stretched her hand out, admiring the ring. She’d worn it for about two months already, but apparently the occasion of their engagement gave her a new appreciation for it.  
“Are you sure?” Her smile faltered a little as she faced him. “I know this is a big step--”  
He slid his hands up her naked torso. “I want to drag you to the nearest church, chapel or courthouse this very minute. If I could, I would throw you over my shoulder and take you just like this if it would mean we could be married right now.”  
She laughed, but she pushed away from him and sat up. He immediately amended his tactics. “I will wait as long as it takes for you to be ready for marriage. As you said, it is a big step.”  
Pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, she replied, “I’m just happy to be with you right now. I want to enjoy being engaged. I want to take time to plan a wedding that’s perfect for both of us. We both need time to figure out where we’re going to go from here and what our life is going to look like.”  
Cooper nodded. Just hours ago, they found out that the band and the people which had taken them in were now going their separate ways. He hadn’t fully internalized what that would mean for the two of them. “We could find a place to live in Seattle. It’s a good place for you to expand your business prospects, and we would still be close to Von and Jenna.”  
“What about you?” she asked. “What does Seattle have for you?”  
He reached out and touched her face. “You, if that’s where you want to be.”  
With a shake of her head, she laughed. “Be serious. You can’t just hang around being my husband.”  
The word sent a thrill through him. He’d thought about Penny being his, but the idea of being hers was appealing in an entirely different way. Yet he had to admit, she was right. He had far too much mental energy to not put it to use somehow. Although he believed he would succeed at any occupation he chose, he felt his old love of physics start to steal over him. It had been so long since he had lost himself in equations, wrestling abstract concepts into written, provable hypotheses. He closed his eyes and could almost smell the combination of xylene, toluene, isopropyl alcohol and benzo-aromatic compounds which gave dry erase markers their unique - and to him, enticing - scent.  
He felt a touch on his arm. “Hey, I lost you there for a minute. What’s up?”  
“I think I’d like to get back into theoretical research,” he admitted. “I… I miss it.”  
She shifted in the bed, cuddling closer to him. “Do you miss other things about the way your life used to be back in Pasadena?”  
He considered her question. “I miss discussing new theories and ideas with Leonard, Howard and Raj. I miss the anticipation I used to feel when we were going to a convention or a new movie that we’d been waiting for months to be released. But my routines - eating the same meals and doing the same activities every night - I don’t miss them. I now recognize them for what they were: a buffer to prevent interaction with the world around me. I insulated myself from risk, but in doing so, I also precluded any true happiness.”  
“I remember,” Penny said, tracing circles on his chest (counterclockwise - she still remembered rubbing the Vicks on his chest all those years ago). “You used to say you were not unhappy.”  
Putting an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her closer and kissed her hair. “Do you remember giving me the napkin autographed by Leonard Nimoy? That was the first time in years that my tight grip on my emotions slipped, and it was all because of you.”  
She laughed. “I also remember you giving me the world’s worst hug. It really was like being hugged by a skeleton or a praying mantis or something. If you could’ve known then what you know now…”  
“I would have passed out,” Cooper said promptly. “Then run away, broken out into hives, hyperventilated, and passed out again, not necessarily in that order.”  
Her laugh echoed in the dim room. “You are batcrap crazy. I can’t believe I’m in love with someone as off their rocker as you are.” Then she rolled on top of him. “Promise me you’ll never change.”  


* * *

Penny sighed and stretched. She was sore in the best kind of way, her hair was a tangled mess, and she was starving. She kicked Cooper out of bed to take a shower, fighting the temptation to join him but knowing they were running out of time. Instead, she opted to run a brush through her hair, wash her face and hope for the best. If they didn’t hurry, they might be late for their gig tonight - something which he had never allowed to happen in all the time he’d been touring with the band.  
She ordered cheeseburgers from room service and was giddily excited to learn that the kitchen could provide barbeque sauce on the side - just how Sheldon used to like his burgers at the Cheesecake Factory. They devoured their food, and she secretly watched him. Even eating messy fast food, he was precise and fastidious. His long fingers fascinated her; unlike the rest of him, his hands always moved fluidly. Now that she knew what else those hands could do, even watching him eat was a turn-on. As they left the room, he laced his fingers in hers, and they walked hand in hand toward the club where the band was performing that night.  
“I think we should try going back to Pasadena.”  
“Are you sure?” Cooper stopped and faced her. “There’s more for you in Seattle than in California.”  
A huge smile spread across her face. “Our friends aren’t going to know what to make of this new you. First the clothes and hairstyle changed, and now…”  
“I’m in love, and the happiest man in the world,” he finished softly.  
She kissed him again, thinking if he had been adorable before, he was completely irresistible now. “I’m sure I want to give it a shot,” she told him. “I can move my business to LA easily enough, but there’s only one Caltech. You said you missed it.”  
He nodded. “I do, but we will live wherever you decide.”  
“Hey, none of that. It’s the two of us now - together, remember? You and me against the world.”  
“I’d rather it didn’t come to that,” he said with a moue of concern.  
“It won’t. If our old friends can’t accept who we’ve become, we’ll come back here. We can get a house on the same block as Von and Jenna and have jam sessions every weekend. Maybe even raise our kids together.”  
“Kids?”  
Penny blushed. “Well… I mean, I don’t know. There’s still plenty of time to decide that kind of thing later.”  
He cupped her face in his hands. “I would be beyond honored if you chose to bear my child.”  
“Our child, you mean… or children.” She laughed, still giddy at the thought that she was going to marry Sheldon Cooper. That he was standing in front of her, wearing jeans and a leather jacket, talking about children without having a twitching fit. Best of all was that he had somehow figured out how to take her needs into consideration. Being Cooper, he had taken it a little too far, but still. He was the same man she had known for the last ten years, and he wasn’t. This was the person he was always meant to be, the person she had always wanted him to find inside himself.  
“I love you,” she told him softly. She was never going to get tired of saying it, or seeing the answering light in his eyes. “I don’t care if you’re a musician or a physicist, as long as you’re happy.”  
His smile, free of doubt and inhibition and full of love, was answer enough.  


* * *

Jenna ran up as soon as they entered. “Wow, I was getting worried. Cooper’s never this late--” She stopped abruptly, looking from one to the other with a widening grin. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen the two of you look so worn out before,” she said. Her eyebrows waggled suggestively, reminding Penny suddenly and incongruously of Howard from when they first met. Maybe it was a sign, she thought. Maybe it really was time for the two of them to go back where it had all started.  
“We were celebrating,” her new fiance said, unabashed.  
Penny grinned and held up her left hand. The ring had been sized for her middle finger, deliberately, as Cooper hadn’t wanted her to feel pressured into a relationship she didn’t want. His reverse psychology, if that was what it was, had worked. “We’re engaged!” she cried.  
Jenna squealed with delight and hugged the two of them. Then she grabbed Penny’s hand. “Come on! I can’t wait to tell Von and the guys!”  
There were hugs all around, even from Matt, when they shared their news.  
“We’re going back to California for a while. There’s a Nobel Prize inside this guy that hasn’t happened yet,” Penny said as she squeezed her fiance’s arm. “But we’re coming back to visit - a lot. Every few months, at least.”  
“We are?” Cooper asked. He looked down at Penny’s glowing face. “We are,” he stated emphatically.  
At the very end of their set that evening, Von grabbed the mike. “We’re going to do something a little different this evening, so I hope you’ll bear with us. You see, our keyboardist just got engaged to our manager!” He gestured to Cooper, who smiled and waved shyly. Applause, cheers, and some shouted encouragement rose up from the audience. “So I hope you’ll humor us as we let him play something special for his new fiancee.”  
Silence fell across the packed dance floor as a kind of music never before heard in the club filled the room. Back stage, Penny gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. He was playing Liebestraum. It was what he was playing the day she realized she was falling for him. The day when she started to hear the feelings he expressed through music when he couldn’t speak them aloud. Her surroundings faded away as she watched him play. His eyes were closed, not as a stunt, but because she was sure he was revisiting that faded ballroom in his mind. When the last notes died away, his performance was met by a polite smattering of applause from the crowd. Penny didn’t care. She ran out, dragged his head down and kissed him for all she was worth. Now their audience burst into cheers and wolf whistles, and the bright glare of camera flashes blinded her as she reluctantly released him.  
“It’s official. No backing out now,” he murmured, gesturing to their fans.  
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Don’t you know? You’re stuck with me now.” Then she groaned. “My parents better not hear about this from some fan site first.” She pulled out her own phone and held up her left hand. “Smile.”  
The picture was probably the best she’d ever taken - or maybe it was because they were both so happy, they lit up her screen. Penny didn’t know where life would take them next. All that mattered was that they were going there together.


End file.
